When out of the blue ...

So I took the youngest gift shopping today.  We were at friends for a Robbie Burns day party (yes I ate haggis and yes I enjoyed it) and he left his plastic Super Mario doll there.  He ... was ... devastated ... until he fell asleep and forgot all about it of course.

Today I decided to go to the Gates Of Hell (aka Walmart) and replace it for him.  I had to return something I purchased the day before and get an HDMI cable to see if we can fix the TV downstairs.  So ... after doing the return, groaning as I see the only cable they have is a Phillips for $39 or a Monster for $39.50 I know I'm over a barrel but it'll be cheaper than a new TV.  I've been in the industry, I know the retailers are buying the cable for $10 and selling for $40.  I know the manufacturers are landing them here from china for $1.50 and selling then to the retailers for $10.  I remember the profit cables put to my bottom line, now I'm the sucker paying for it.

As we're standing in the toy aisle looking for a new toy for the lil'est gift, a guy (about my age) standing there with a boy about 5 asks me how much the cable is.  I tell him and he replies with "can you watch my son for a second" ... and literally takes off.  Ummmm okay.

He returns in about 2 minutes and hands me an HDMI cable from the dollar store $2.00.  Apparently he's an AV Tech and hates watching people get screwed.  I was gobsmacked.  Offered to give him money, he just said his payment is watching someone not get hosed.

Yes, I believe it, people are innately good.  Pay it forward!

So ... I have this friend

who's smarter than most, and certainly knows me better than most people.  She's very tall, strikingly gorgeous, freakishly smart and has a scary level of insight.  Fortunately I love her, or she'd simply scare the hell outta me.

I went to her today with something I was chewing over.  She knew exactly what I was looking for, an honest an clear assessment of the situation.   She didn't blow smoke up my skirt, she gave it to me straight up.  One of the few with the balls to do it.  As usual, she was right, and she helped me make some good choices, even if they weren't the easy ones.

Funny thing is, as I was executing the actions to make the good choices, a good little piece of news slid in the side.  It made me smile, knowing it was a sign I was doing the right thing.

Thanks Michaela, I don't know what I'd do without you!

Day 21

They say it takes 21 days to break or form a habit. Here I am, day 21 and I enjoyed a drive down a back country road today. Choosing to have the window down to feel the crisp wind on my face because it smelled good, rather than having to have the window open so I don't choke.

That I can hang out at my leisure, not jonsing for my next fix, trying to figure out timing for the next smoke, figuring out the logistics of addiction.

I had a nap curled up in my favourite chair by a roaring fire instead.

Here's to day 21!

People lacking morals

Few things irk me more than people who don't take personal responsibility. People who mooch off the kindness of others, that don't pay for what they owe, who simply figure they're off the hook, and they can screw people over with no repercussions ...

I can't WAIT until Karma catches them ... she's only a bitch when you are ... and boy do you ever have a tab to pay.

Day 14

So here I am, day 14 of my quit. I've done this a few times now. Last time was 5 years ago. I figured that out when I reactivated my quiters profile on the Ontario Cancer Society's support line. I fell off the proverbial wagon this past summer. Then, the stress of the fall / winter, had me smoking almost a pack a day.

I had to fess up to my family that I was smoking again, when I was ducking out on Christmas day for a coffin nail. It was embarrassing, more than anything else.

So, there I am ... New Years Eve day, sitting on the back porch smoking my last one. I was toying with the idea of going to the store to get a small pack, so that I could smoke all night, but then I just said |to hell with it| I just wanted to stop, so I slapped the patch on my arm and didn`t look back.

So here I am, 14 days into my quit. It`s not too bad. I`m a tad stressed right now with the final move out of tbb tomorrow. I`m still sad. Honestly, I miss my best friend, but every time I think of her being around, I want a smoke. That in itself, makes me realize, it`s a good thing ALL of that is over.

One more week until a new habit is formed ... one more week!

Waiting for the passing ....

Sad news. Dear Uncle Joe, who's currently 94 years old is currently in the hospital, his kidneys are failing and they've decided not to intubate. For my mother-in-law, he's her only living sibling left. She's a spry 83, but will be the last of 9 children when Joe passes.

Joe was always the quiet one. The spinster bachelor. Has never married, no children, simply lived with his brother George and his wife Wilda and worked the farm for his entire life. He's a hockey fan (Chicago) and a very soft spoken, shy soul. We named the youngest gift after him (a middle name) to honour this sweet man, and to have a piece of him carry on. He seemed so strong, so everlasting, but now we're just waiting for the call.

I love you Uncle Joe. Your absence will be felt by many, but we'll carry you on in our hearts forever.

Trust ... and learning a lesson

Having learned a recent and painful lesson, one that many go through, I've been reviewing my theories on ... well ... people. I'm usually very trusting by nature. I believe that there are invisable forces in the world working together to make me happy. I'm a "glass is half full" (unless it's wine, then I'll drain it) kinda girl. I believe the best in people, regardless of what other people say.

Recently I opened my home, my family and my heart to a "friend". She was a friend on troubled times, someone who I thought I could help. Then it got bad ... dark ... downright scary. I've discovered lies after lies. Deceptions both born of mental instability and of personal insecurity. A person so deeply troubled, that no matter what I tried, no matter hard I worked, I was doomed to be the villain ... and worse yet, eventually the victim.

Really, better than a blog, a picture says a thousand words.

Simply being afraid?

Phobia

A phobia (from the Greek: φόβος, Phóbos, meaning "fear" or "morbid fear") is a type of anxiety disorder, usually defined as a persistent fear of an object or situation in which the sufferer commits to great lengths in avoiding, typically disproportional to the actual danger posed, often being recognized as irrational. In the event the phobia cannot be avoided entirely the sufferer will endure the situation or object with marked distress and significant interference in social or occupational activities.^[1]

So the word phobia has been in my life a lot lately. Professionally I'm working on something that's called "Super Hydrophobic". Basically the main concept of it is a water repellent (fearing) product ... but the word phobic typically conjures up so many other images for me.

I have a friend, who used the word "transphobic" in an email, think along the lines of homophobic if you're unsure as to what it means. Simply people being afraid of what they don't know or cannot understand.

But I'm also have arachnophobia .... *shudders* I wouldn't say I "suffer" from it, as it doesn't prevent me from leading my life ... but I will SCREAM LIKE A LITTLE GIRL if I see one of the 8 legged monsters.

So, my musing is how the Phobia, can be clinical and innocuous, horrible and discriminating, and reasonable and respected .... depending on the context.

Ok, finally found my blog again ...

Ya ya, I suck, but life is like that sometimes. It's been a while (obviously) since my last blog post. I found THE PERFECT JOB! It's in Concord and has reasonable hours, reasonable workload and a SCB (Super Cool Boss). They thank me for doing my job, the compliment my skills, I even tossed away a chance to work for Target (as they're just launching into Canada) because I'm happy here.

Jenni came and went. It's an ugly story, she's deeply troubled. I tried to help her, but it's beyond my ability to help, so she's gone. The house is finally at peace again.

Good things abound. We just got a new kitten (Dizzy) who's curled up on my shoulder sleeping while I type this. It's a happy and relatively peaceful time in the loony bin!