A love for the ages

If you’re not a fan of my “OMG I love my husband so much” posts … you may want to skip this one. 

This past weekend LML and I went to his work Christmas party.  I’ve never experienced something on this scale.  There were about 3,000 people at the convention center.  We booked a wonderful hotel room at a spectacular rate.  It was a king suite on a corner so there were windows everywhere.  We did what we always do when we first check into a hotel …. Turn on HGTV and have a drink.  Cable is fun when someone else is paying for it.  Then we got all gussied up and headed out to catch the shuttle.  The party was really well done.  No need to drink and drive or pay for cabs, the company looked after everything. 

We walked into the main hall after checking our coats and it was beautiful; lighted seats and tall lit tables to enjoy cocktails and chat.  We got some drink tickets, grabbed a beverage and started to mingle.  We first met LML’s new sub-leader, a lovely man and his lovely wife.  I waited for LML to introduce me (which is weird for me because I usually introduce myself), but I know LML likes introducing me as “his wife” (and that makes me a bit melty!).  I went on to tell his sub-leader that he speaks rather highly of him and that made him smile.  We chatted a bit about the gifts and moved on.  Nice people, and I like to make people smile.

Later on, while at dinner two of LML’s coworkers found us and wanted to say hi.  I’d heard lots of stories on these two characters so I was rather intrigued to meet them as well.  I smiled, made small chit chat as one had been out east around the same time we were and the other has a second job installing floors and I’d love for him to do ours.  Just a few brief words and they were off.  LML and I had a lovely meal, a lot of beverages and enjoyed the entertainment.  Instead of staying late to dance the night away, we caught a shuttle back to our love hotel and enjoyed ourselves.  It was a really good night and I liked putting faces to the names from the stories I heard.

Well, yesterday was the first day back to work and you know there was going to be talk of the party.  I asked LML if there were any stories (3,000+ people and holiday party, there’s bound to be something), but LML didn’t hear any of it.  Just talk of people who enjoyed themselves and thought the company had done an excellent job this year.  One of his coworkers that I met told LML he was really impressed by me and asked him “how did you manage to get her?”  LML, in his overly modest way says “just lucky I guess”.

Let me clarify exactly how he got me:

• He treats me like the center of the Universe.
• He spoils me with incredibly thoughtful gifts constantly.
• He puts secret love letters in my luggage to delight me when I travel.
• He loves me and my boys as if we’ve all been together forever.
• He’s my best friend with the same weird sense of humour I have.
• He’s hot … seriously smoking HOT.
• He takes care of us, cooks for us, and helps out as a full partner and parent.
• He kisses me with a passion and fullness that makes me weak in the knees.
• He is a kind soul and generous with his time and attention to people who matter.
• He’s loyal, trustworthy, loving, generous, strong, affectionate and smart.

Honestly, I’m the lucky one and I thank those lucky stars every day that I found him and he loves me like no one else ever could.  Thank you LML, you are my Sun and my Stars, you are my forever!

The Trump Effect

Today has been exhausting.  I purposely stayed off the internet last night during the US 2016 Federal election because I didn’t think I could handle seeing how close the race was.  You know, because they were saying Hillary had a 90% chance of winning.  Nobody was going to elect this misogynist, homophobic, sexist, racist hate and fear monger right?  Right?  I’ll just wake up in the morning to hear that the USA has elected its first woman President.

And then it’s the end of the world as we know it.  WTeverlovingF ‘Merica?  Please tell me I’m still dreaming, that I’m now ridiculously late for work because I’m having this horrible nightmare where the Tangerine Terror, the Orange Tyrant just became president of the world’s last super power.  But, he wants to move ‘Merica back to the 50’s, when the African Americans dealt with segregation (and didn’t take the white males jobs) and women were kept in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant (and didn’t take the white males jobs) and the Mexicans were still in Mexico (and didn’t take white males jobs).  He’s going to stop Muslims from entering America, and even deport some (so they can’t have the white male jobs) … well shit, guess who voted for him.  The white vote brought Trump in.  Looking at the exit polls, white men (and women) under 40 and lower educated voted in this monster.  It’s so clear now.  Hillary is the epitome of the political establishment.  She’s wealthy, white, and powerful and likely corrupt.  That’s what you kind of expect of politicians and a whole bunch of Americans said ENOUGH!

I get that you want change, you want big sweeping impactful change … but you just brought in this centuries evil war monger to make change.  You put a big spike down the middle of your country of hate and fear and terror … and somehow you’re supposed to just pick yourself up and carry on like nothing is wrong.

I’m sorry United States of America, I’m sorry it had to get this bad, that you truly had to hit rock bottom.  I hope you can heal, I hope you don’t end up destroying yourselves and I’ll just be here with a cold beer, warm poutine and a refugee center for my newly persecuted American friends.

Counting your blessings

This past weekend, LML and I celebrated “Geek Thanksgiving”.  This tradition started a couple of years ago with LML and his friends.  Sometimes, some of the people in their circle of friends wouldn’t get to celebrate Thanksgiving with their family, so the amazing friends stepped up.  I get it; it’s why the Geek will inherit the earth!  Typically our friends host the event and we show up with pies and buns and booze.  This year, LML and I offered to host in our home.  Our place is pretty big and built for entertaining.  LML has been doing some amazing things in the kitchen, so we knew he could pull off this meal.  Logistically, if people either drop off, or join in at last minute we can handle it, so it just made sense.

The gifts were at home for part of Saturday, so I put them to work helping clean, then the eldest went to a friends for a sleepover, so it was just the lil’est gift and the geeks.  He was awesome, hung out for dinner, ate without complaining, helped clean up, then took off upstairs to bed early as he was tired, allowing the adults to chat and watch wildly child inappropriate movies … like Deadpool!

The reason I bring this up is it reminds me to count my blessings and remember what I’m grateful for.

1.       LML, he’s truly my soul mate and perfect match.  I always knew love could be like this, and I’m so grateful I found him.

2.       The gifts, they’re amazing.  Sweet kids, who are kind and helpful, funny and slightly crazy, I couldn’t be more proud of these guys

3.       My friends!  Even though my family no longer does Thanksgiving (or isn’t inviting us) and LML’s mother usually travels south for Canadian Thanksgiving, it’s nice to still be able to have the big turkey dinner with all the trimmings.

4.       As much as I complain about the gender discrimination at work, I really do have a good job, they pay me well and recognize my contributions.

5.       I have my health.  I say this as one of my closest friends is under palliative care for terminal breast cancer.  I’m not the picture of health, but my issues are managed and I’ve managed to lose some weight.

6.       I am not American facing a horrific election next week … dude, this one is pretty HUGE!

7.       We’re comfortable, not rich, but not struggling.

8.       We have Honda’s!  Yay Honda!

9.       I really have some of the best friends anyone could have.  From my original band mates from my tween to teen years that are still there, to the GWM’s who are my rock, sanity and often saving grace, to Michael and Michaela, both coming into my life in the strangest ways, and staying because they’re amazing. 

I could do this all day, but I’d like to keep #4 and not lose it for blogging all day.  Our theme this year at work is an attitude of gratitude and I’m very lucky to be grateful for so many blessings.  I hope this helps me continue forward with a continued attitude of gratitude and kindness.

Gratitude.

Ok, enough complaining for one day, time to change focus!  At our sales conference this year, our President focused his speech on the importance of Gratitude.  Wow, that was like a lightning bolt to me.  I’d written a very short speech (as I’d received the leadership award for the second year in a row) and my theme, as well, was gratitude.  I was grateful to my leadership team for allowing me the opportunities to grow, discover, fail and succeed.  I was grateful for all the team members that I had the opportunity to work with through company integrations, product launches, product discover and design and all the little details that make a company run.

Hmmmm

That sounds much more like where I’d like to focus.  Today a friend called me her hero.  I was gobsmacked.  Another friend is having issues in her marriage and we’re on a private board to talk her through it.  It’s a group of on-line friends (some of us have met in person) and we’ve been “together” for about 10 years.  Some married, some divorced, all moms who love their kids and are trying to do their best.  As this one friend is having issues, the other divorced mom and I jump sharing our experiences, in an effort to help and support.  I told the other divorced mom I was so proud of everything she’d accomplished on her own and raising an epic young man.  She turned around and told me I was her hero, younger, hot husband, two great kids, kicking ass at work … wow.  Sometimes you’re so mired in the muck of the forest, you forget about the beauty and wonder around you and it takes a friend to point it out.

So ya, I am grateful for having this job that pays me well and does recognize my efforts (9 awards in less than 5 years).  I am grateful for having a husband who loves me for me, makes me feel like the center of the universe, spoils me with his love, time and attention, and often the most thoughtful gifts in the world.  I’m really grateful to have two awesome sons who are kind, respectful, loving, strong and all around good people.  I’m grateful to have the most amazing group of women who live inside my iPhone and laptop, who I can reach out to that will lift me up, make me laugh, or offer to help hide the bodies when I need them. 

I’m really very lucky, and I’m so very grateful for it.

The monkeys and clowns.

Work is getting to me again.  It’s strange; this is usually a pretty chill time of the year.  Deadlines are 5-6 months away, it’s not the “height of launch season” which is our stressful time of year (spring) but work is STRESSING ME OUT.

I need to keep repeating to myself, that while this is my circus, these clowns are not my responsibility and while this is my zoo, I’m not responsible for or to most of these monkeys.  My department has a terrible reputation for a poor work ethic.  One coworker (TCW) is currently bringing her suspended 17 y/o daughter to work here this week.  Wait .. WAT?  She’s suspended from school, so she’s going to bring her here so she can “work” for our company.  She’s literally getting paid to sit around and draw.  She’s not contributing anything to our company, and she’s getting PAID for it.  Sweet deal.  I bet $10 she’s suspended again a couple of times.

Another one of my coworkers (chatterbox) cannot come into work on time.  The big boss has sent out multiple emails stating the start of work is 8 (you can leave at 4:30) or 8:30 (you can leave at 5:00.  Those are the company hours.  However, every day chatterbox shows up between 9:10 – 9:20 … literally EVERY DAY.  I have one of the longer commutes out of my coworkers and I can manage to get in on time, even with dropping kids off at daycare.  This monkey lives with her mother, and STILL can’t get to work on time.  Worst of all, there seems to be no repercussions. 

People do shit, stupid shit here and never own up to it.  Idiot Field Sales manager decided to send two display kits to each of our reps (instead of the one I authorized) just in case they needed a backup.  Dafuq?  Those are VERY expensive kits, the reps have a ridiculously high turnover rate, and the backups are to be kept HERE.  Dumbass, please never procreate.

 This is a highly successful, billion dollar company.  I would expect highly professional Mensa type people to work here.  Instead we have an R&D Manager that isn’t interested in making technical discoveries … even when they’re handed to him on a silver platter; he’s too busy being LAZY.  Where people’s first reaction is “no” … before you even finish the question is “no, we can’t do that”.  SERIOUSLY?  Sometimes I feel like I’m trying to nail water to a superhydrophobic surface!

*sigh* I do love what I do.  I get to be creative and work on really cool products.  I get paid decently, and I’ve been recognized for my hard work and contributions.  I have multiple awards and a recent promotion to show for it.  I have reasonable working conditions and for the most part get along with everyone, that’s why I stay.  I like my job, I just can’t suffer the fools who get paid far too well for what little they contribute.

Dragging the Introvert across the country.

If you know me and BHE at all, you know I’m a flaming extrovert and he’s an incredible introvert.  They say opposites attract, and in our personality styles, we couldn’t be more different.  Words people use to describe me are “Loud, Enthusiastic, Energetic, Passionate, & Outgoing”.  Words people use to describe BHE are “Smart, Witty, Quick, Quiet, & Thoughtful”.  We truly are the description of Extrovert and Introvert.  It took a while for me to become accustom to some of the needs of the Introvert and everyone once in a while, like this year’s epic east coast adventure I forget completely and epically.

I decided it was a good idea for us to do a road trip to the East Coast of Canada.  I’d only been to Halifax once, and after the beauty of Scotland I wanted to discover the beauty of our eastern shores.  When I mentioned this in planning to BHE’s mother she exclaimed “oh I’ve always wanted to go to P.E.I., it’s on my bucket list”.  Normally I’d blurt out an invitation without hesitation, but I kept my mouth shut until I could discuss it with BHE in private.  Would it be okay if she came too?  Yep.  Cool!   She’s tiny, she can fit in the back seat with the boys.

Fabulous, 5 people in a CR-V, 4,500 kms, 5 Provinces, 7 hotels in 10 days … BRING IT!  I was stoked.  I’d ordered 10’ iPad charging cables and dual-head lighter adapter charges so the boys could remain plugged into the matrix.  Youngest boy was properly medicated with gravol and oldest boy sat in the middle so he could look out the front window, both avoiding car sickness.  We took pictures, ate local fare, and took ferries and bridges, stayed in B&B’s, motels and hotels.  Lots of souvenirs shopping, swimming in hotel pools and laughter ensued.    By the time we returned home, we were exhausted but basking in the good memories.

Then I had a chat with my friend who was looking after our house while we were away.  She, like BHE is an introvert and she said when I told her about the trip she said it sounded like a living hell.  WHAAATTT?  But it was great family bonding time, the boys were really good, the food was epic …. But that’s me.  I thrive on energy, on being around people, on doing things.  DH needs his down time; he needs to recharge his batteries from the energy sucking extroverts like me and the boys.  I immediately felt so bad.  Why didn’t he say something?  Why didn’t he tell me to cut it shorter?  I asked my closest group of on line friends this question and they all agreed, he didn’t because he loves me.  He knew that trip was exactly what I wanted and did whatever was needed to make it happen.  That’s how lucky I am, that he always puts me and my needs first. 

So, this week, I’ll get the gifts sent to their father’s for a couple of days.  I’ll do all the chores, I’ll make sure our home is a calm place where he can recharge and be able to look back on the vacation with the joy and happiness I have.   Next time, I’ll shorten the trip, fewer places, longer stays at each place and ensure there’s some quiet down time for him and I together.

Truly conflicted

First off, WTF is going on with Orlando?  Murder of a young singer, night club massacre, and then a little boy killed at the happiest place on Earth.  I’ve referred to Florida as God’s waiting room before but this is a little too literal!

My heart sank on Tuesday evening as I drove home to pick up the boys, to hear the news of a 2 year old boy snatched by an alligator at one of the Disney resorts.  Just hearing that alone was heartbreaking.  Then to hear that his father attempted to wrestle the alligator to save his son, I can’t imagine the horror, the guilt and the heartbreak the family must be enduring.  No parent should ever have to bury a child, let alone is such a horrific and violent death.  It took 18 hours, but they found the lifeless body of the child.  But sooner than that, the Perfect Parents came out saying “that would never happen to my child” and “where were the parents?”  There is still a lot of raw emotions from the death of Harambe at the Cincinnati zoo, which fortunately had a better outcome for that child.  I posted about accidents and parental responsibility.  Yes, accidents happen, yes we CAN learn from our mistakes.  Leaving a baby unattended in a tub is wrong.  People now put locked fences around pools to keep their children safe.  We’ve LEARNED what can happen, and we can keep our children more safe. 

In reality and all honesty, I don’t judge these parents.  It truly was a freak accident.  Like Cincinnati, where they improved the safety around the Gorilla exhibit after the accident, I’m sure Disney and the Wildlife Conservancy will review the safety of their habitats and possibly some improvement.  I truly think the ONLY ones who could say “that would never happen to my child” are the Uber-Helicopter-Parents.  I believe in situation awareness, I believe in being responsible for your children, but I also truly believe accidents can happen.  Could something tragic happen?  Sure, but is it likely?  We all make these determinations every day in our actions, and they colour our views, actions and words.

What I have the hardest time thinking about is those tiny little white coffins that take the children to the grave.  I cry whenever I see one, I hope to NEVER have to see one in my family and circle of friends.  I can’t imagine the grief, and I just want to hug those parents from Nebraska who knew a tragedy could happen, but never thought it could happen to them.

As usual, Scary Mommy says it so well.

The Trump Effect

Disgust, frustration, horror, fear …

I’m still digesting the horrific crime of the murder of 49 people in a nightclub in Orlando Florida.  While news agencies rush to bring you the news, immediate speculation of this dark skinned man is that it’s a terrorist act; apparently professed his allegiance to ISIS while on the phone to 911.  However today news is that it’s more likely he was a self-hating closeted gay man and decided to die by gunfire and take many with him.  I’m watching the global reaction.  Horror, disgust, fear, calls for Love not Hate, vigils, bathing your Facebook profile picture in rainbows for support, but what I’m not seeing, what I fear I’ll NEVER see is gun reform in the USA.

This man legally purchased an automatic weapon.  Understand, I’m not anti-fire arms.  I respect the ideology of the right to bear arms.   I get a pistol for protecting your home (although I’d never own one).  I respect a rifle for hunting (although I would never hunt).  What I don’t understand is the reason any average citizen would need a fire arm capable of expending 13.3 bullets in one second.  That’s not defending your home, that’s not figuratively or literally bringing home the moose meat, it’s a weapon with no other purpose but to kill as many as people as possible.  Why is THAT LEGAL?!?!?!?!?!?!

So I’m sitting her struggling with what to say about the tragedy.   Struggling with the horror of people being slaughtered because of who they love, or how they identify.  I don’t want my words to be a trite contribution that does nothing more than lip service.  Over and over again these tragedies happen that kill children, mothers, fathers and there’s always sorrow, grief but in the end, nothing changes.  I was truly saddened while I considered this, then; my Facebook feed fills up with 5 shot near a playground in Brooklyn and an active shooter in Texas.   

I’m sorry ‘Murica, but you’re currently courting one of the most racists, sexist and homophobic men in the world to rule your country.  This isn’t going to end well, not for you, not for the rest of the world.  You’re one of the last super powers, do NOT put modern day Hitler in charge.

I’m scared, and I’m off to Google the Mars Project.

And therein lies the problem

There’s been a lot said this week about the death of a 17 year old Silverback Gorilla (an endangered animal) at the hands of the Cincinnati Zoo to save a 4 year old child.  That’s the headline, without all the hyperbole.   It’s a tragedy, but it’s also gripped the world.   The tag #JusticeforHarambe quickly trended.  People were outraged that the beautiful animal was the victim.  I agree and I feel horrible that this majestic creature died.  However, I fully support the zoo’s quick (and likely heartbreaking) action to end Harambe’s life to save the child.  No, for no reason should a child die at the hands of an animal, which without malice could kill the child through basic animal actions.  A tranquilizer likely would have taken longer to work, putting the boy in more danger.  It was a call, they prepare for this, and it was ultimately the right call.

I’ve watched people on both sides of the coin throw meme’s and articles up on facebook.  From memes of the gorilla saying “why shoot me, I was doing a better job of watching him than his mother” to “we should empathize with the mother”.  I’m somewhere in the middle of this.  No, Harambe wasn’t “careful” with the child and it was a much different scenario from when an unconscious 3 year old child fell into a Gorilla enclosure previously to be nurtured and cared for by a female (mother instinct) gorilla.  Harambe was panicked, and his actions were entirely unpredictable.  The boy was in mortal danger from the moment he fell into the pit until Harambe was dead. 

I’m trying not to judge the mother.  I wasn’t there; I don’t know exactly what happened.  I can’t imagine the terror she experienced when she looked around for her child, missing, then to discover he was in the moat, with that beautiful but deadly animal.  I can’t imagine the 10 minutes of sheer terror she had to survive, hoping her child survived.  My heart, as a mother, aches for her, for that agony she survived. 

And that’s where I was with the whole thing.  Saddened by the loss of Harambe, proud of the zoo for taking the difficult but right steps to save the child and empathetic to what the mother went through.  Then the following article came out:  HuffPo Article

And the following was printed and it just about set me ablaze.

“Think about the parents who have forgotten about a child in a carseat on a hot summer day. A mom who walked away from the bathtub for 3 minutes, and came back to a lifeless child. A dad who forgot to read an ingredient label and gave his child a food containing his severe allergy.  Mistakes happen.”

Wait, WHAT?  I ache for the parents who lose a child.  I’ve fortunately never experienced it and am incredibly grateful for it … but seriously, who walks away from a bathtub for 3 minutes with a child in it?  What is more important than your child?  Who DOESN’T know EXACTLY what goes into your child’s body when they have a severe food allergy?  That’s not a mistake, that’s negligent.  Yes, I can feel for the parent who loses a child, but I can also judge them negligent in their actions if it leads to their death!  Where is the personal responsibility to protect your child?  Where’s the ever-loving common sense?!?!?!?!?

It’s true; I don’t know what happened at the Cincinnati Zoo.  Maybe she was on her phone, maybe distracted by another child, maybe her crafty little guy slipped away in a crowd.  But ultimately SHE is responsible for the safety of her child, and as a result of her lack of diligence, Harambe is dead.  The Zoo also needs to look at how her child managed to get in and plug that epic safety gap.  Yes, this is a call to improve safety, and even (yep I’m going there) reconsider the benefit of keeping these beautiful and deadly animals in captivity for our entertainment, enjoyment, and viewing pleasure.   I’m torn, I love zoos and aquariums, but more and more, we’re seeing the negative impact on the animals kept in these facilities.  It’s causing me to rethink and reevaluate my feelings on it.  However, as a mother, of two little mischievous monkey boys as well, we as parents HAVE to accept responsibility for our children.  I won’t fill up your facebook wall with my thoughts on this, I have my blog and can say my peace here, but instead of simply posting the funnier meme or more heartbreaking story, why not look at what went wrong (safety around animal enclosures) and see what we can do to fix them.  Let’s not let Harambe die in vain, let something come of this, better safety for animals and humans!

Inspiration

It comes in many forms.  Lately I’ve been inspired to get healthy.  I’ve been overweight most of my adult life.  It comes from gluttony and inactivity, pretty simply put.  I sit at a desk for most of my work day.  I sit in a car for 2+ hours a day commuting to work and home.  When I get home, I have a small burst of energy where I do some laundry, empty a dishwasher, make dinner … then my ass becomes one with the couch and I’m done for the night.  Wash, rinse repeat. 

A couple of years ago, during the complete breakdown of my marriage I was going to the gym for 2-3 hours a day.  Sure, could eat whatever I wanted, drank like a fish, and worked it all off.  My inspiration was my best friend; I wanted to be around him as much as I could.  I also wanted to make him proud of me.  But, as life goes on, we ended up quitting the gym, we didn’t have time.  We need to run a house together, build a life together, and apparently get fat together.  He’s like a baby; I’m like a cat, when we are happy we both get fat. (Bare Naked Ladies)

In January this year, one of my online friends introduced me to a weight loss challenge game.  It was interesting, limited alcohol, had you eating more often and smaller portions, it was pretty good, and I lost about 8 lbs on it.  While it ended in February, BHE stepped on the scale and decided it was time he lost some weight.  Cool, now I can do it with him at home.  We fired up our fitbit watches, synced them to the myfitnesspal app and started tracking calories and steps.  In the first month, he lost 20 lbs.  WOW!  Granted, my average day is about 4,000 steps, his is about 20,000 steps.  He cut out a lot of beer and junk and the weight just seems to be melting off him.  I’m so proud, also a little envious.  I’ve been tracking my food, but perhaps a glass or two extra of wine has slowed down my loss.  After 3.5 months I’m down about 25 lbs.  Not eating junk food, eating a LOT more chicken and fish, roasted veggies, snacking on veggies, reduced my carbs … all things that aren’t a diet, but a new way of eating, which is sustainable.

I was feeling a little down on myself today, I’m not happy with my progress, then TCW comes into work (late as usual) and she’s huffing and puffing just getting up one flight of stairs.  She admits she’s at her highest weight ever, I’m guessing she’s pushing 350 lbs.  She’s not healthy, you can see it.  She talks about always being at the pub for cards or darts with her *cough*loser*cough* boyfriend.  It’s showing, the fried pub food, the extra drinks, the extra calories.  We had a meeting last week, that lunch was catered to, and she sat there eating 6-7 mini cinnamon rolls, handfuls of cookies, then for lunch, she had 3 pieces of pizza and a meatball sandwich.  I was amazed, now that I’m conscious about what I put in my body; I’m amazed to watch what other people will put in theirs.  Of course I didn’t say anything, it’s not my place.  Later in the week, she’d made a comment about my weight loss to FCW.  She tried to sound “unimpressed” but FCW said she sounded jealous. 

I’ll take inspiration wherever I can get it.  From BHE’s amazing success to the warning of how bad I could get as TCW is out of breath from one flight of stairs.  I’m not aiming for a size 2, I have a number in mind that I’d like to hit.  I’m doing this slowly, so that it’s sustainable and that I can live a long healthy life with BHE and my two gifts!

So THIS is what it feels like … cool!

Ok, I’ll admit it, for the past 6-ish years I’ve had major “head of the country” envy toward the USA.  I was fascinated when Obama ran for the first time as I’d lament that our elections are so boring because it was always, this old white guy versus this old white guy versus this old white French guy.   While the USA was voting in their first African-American President; ground breaking considering that less than a few centuries ago, he may have been a slave.  So cool, well done USA!

Ohhhhhhh how the tables have turned!  Now we have the panda bear hugging, feminist, cool hottie leading our country.  The entire world is in love with him.  He takes selfies with supporters; his wife is French and BEAUTIFUL.  He’s effectively keeping his kids out of the major spotlight (my momma bear truly loves him for that) while he’s being treated like a rock star by the Americans.  In his political, polite and Canadian way, when asked about Donald Trump, he states “Canada will work with whoever the Americans choose as their leader” … but you can almost hear him whisper after “oh good god don’t vote in that buffoon”.  

ouch

I was surfing facebook today, nothing new, I do it most days.  I love chatting with my friends, seeing pictures of everyone’s kids and pets, giggling at the funny memes; it’s generally a really positive place for me.  I landed on my sister’s page today, one of her friends passed away suddenly and unexpectedly last week and I wanted to pass along my sympathies.  On the left hand side I see a recent picture of her, with my two cousins and my paternal grandmother.

First thought …. “holy crap, Fred’s still alive”.  She’s got to be closing in on 100.  I haven’t seen this woman since my sister’s wedding in 1997.  I’ve long since written off that side of the family.  What bothered me, and I was really surprised that this did bother me was that the picture was a recreation of one we took at that grandmother’s home almost 30 years ago.  The only difference was that I wasn’t in it.  I don’t often give a lot of thought to that side of the family, so it was unnerving to be bothered by this.  I’m trying to figure out if it’s a feeling of loss, loss of that entire side of the family.  If it’s nostalgia for what could have been.  If it’s just me being cranky because it’s February, I’m cold and I miss the sun.

I’ll likely forget all about the image in a couple of days.  I know there’s no point reaching out to that side of the family.  My father has no desire to have me in his life, and I do have my cousins on FaceBook, so that’s something.  I was just talking to BHE today that my life is pretty drama free, and I know that trying to reconnect with that side of the family would just be opening up an ugly can of worms. 

I just need to keep focusing on the positive.