Depth and definition of friendship

We had an awesome weekend hanging out with some dear friends.  One of the girls from E-guys school has been friends with him since junior kindergarten.  It's a good friendship all around.  Both of the little gifts adore the girl and like playing with her.  She's an only child so it's good for her to have brothers.  The mother and I, while complete polar opposites get along really well.  She enjoys my energy, I enjoy her calmness.  The father is a bit of a nut, but gets along with BBE as they both have a passion for craft beer.  They live about a 10 minute walk from us, and our schedules seem to align nicely with theirs so we get together for dinner and drinks and the kids play and torment the cats.  It's almost Norman Rockwell in it's appearance ... seriously, I feel some times it's just this side of bridge club.

There's just this thing ... something core to my life, my life with BBE, that remains somewhat hidden.  I feel a bit like someone who is gay, and still in the closet.  I've never felt that someone needs to know ALL my details, come on, a bit of mystery is always best, but sometimes I feel like I can't be my authentic me around most people.  It's nothing I hide from BBE, but something we share.  Some of our friends are aware, but most are not.  It's nothing bad ... I'm not drowning kittens in the river, but still, it's something I'm very private about and wonder what this particular set of friends would think if they knew.  I really like this friend, and while I wish she wouldn't judge, but see me as the friend she's enjoyed over the past 4 years, I have a feeling if I revealed my true self, what I always refer to as my "authentic self", it would not go well.  

I'm sitting in the middle of the teeter totter wondering what is better, to hide away that little bit that may be judged, or simply live out loud and be damned the consequences!  Can she truly be my friend when I hold something that is key to who I am back?

From the other side of the train

Sometimes I take the commuter train into work. It's typically on a Friday and usually in the summer to avoid the cottager traffic on the ride home. It's the dead of the never ending winter and I'm taking the train because BBE is picking me up at work and we're going to Toronto for a beerventure. 

I typically sit on the right hand side of the train facing forward in the last car. I get on the train at its second stop so I always get my pick of seats. I can't handle sitting backwards the entire trip and I chose the last car as it's where I jump off to walk to work. But sitting on the right side really is just habit so today I sat on the left. 

Wow the difference is spectacular. Firstly it's the sunny side of the train so I'm sitting here with my sunglasses on. Secondly it seems to be more scenic. Maybe I'm just used to the cows, farms and fields from the other side but this one has lakes and ponds as well. 

Maybe it's the new view, perhaps the sunshine, more likely seeing BBE early today and for the evening but it's made me smile and made for a great start to the day.