Some days’ shine, but this one has been epic!

Ok, we all know that for the most part, I’m a generally happy person who enjoys herself.  The Love of My Life (LML) works really hard to make sure we have epic adventures and fun times.  Just over the past few weeks, we’ve got to a few musicals, an amazing concert, wonderful Christmas parties, etc.  My feed is often filled with shiny happy me and LML and often the gifts as well.

While the light in my life often shines brightly today has been absolutely amazing and feel like this needs to be documented for posterity, or at least a reminder when I hit one of those crappy days.

·        My drive to work was quick and uneventful.  When you have an hour commute through the snow belt in winter you enjoy the peaceful drives.

·        LML has found a new series of books for me to listen to on the phone during my drive and they’re just awesome!  I almost want to be stuck in traffic so I can listen a little more.

·        Two of my favourite Instagram woodworkers came into the office today to see one of my coworkers (woodcare manager) and I busted in on their meeting so I could get these amazing guys on board with some of my products I thought they’d find helpful.  They’re absolutely delightful and I laughed … A LOT during this hour.

·        LML came out and took me out to lunch to my FAVOURITE pizza place AND we both have leftovers.

·        One of our newest hires turns out to be one of the BEST cosplayers around!  She’s actually used some of my products in her costume making and HOLY CRAP she’s absolutely amazing.  I can’t WAIT to show the gifts her account.

·        Another of my favourite DIY Diva’s came in for a visit.  She just lights up the place and makes me smile.

That’s not even it.  I have a relatively easy day, I should leave on time and I’ll listen to more of that book on my way home, then get to have dinner with two of the prettiest ladies in my life.

I’ve been mired in work, stress, tired, fighting sickness, dealing with the impending death of one of my best friends so it seems pretty dark lately.  Today got a whole lot brighter and it’s fed, my soul!

Preconceived notions and growing beyond your comfort zone

LML and I went on an adventure last week.  He likes to find new and cool things and completely throw himself into them.  His passions are EPIC and it is so much fun to get swept up in the excitement of a new discovery.  About 2 years ago he discovered high-end custom hunting knives.  He’s not a knife maker nor a hunter, but he learned all about these beautiful works of art and after months of research purchased his first one.  No, understand these aren’t cheap by any stretch of the imagination.  They’re made in the USA and built by hand.  Each one slightly unique and designed to perfection.  It’s getting harder and harder to find handcrafted, lifetime warranty perfection, but he found it in these knives.

One of the other things about this group is what a community it is.  The particular knife maker LML was purchasing from has three “Grind-Ins” per year.  This is an opportunity for the knife enthusiast to come to the facility in northern Michigan to make their very own knives.  They have been holding these events for 14 years and they’re highly in demand.  We have actually been on the waiting list to attend for 18 months.  They tend to book up quickly!

If you know me, hunting, guns, knives, camo … these really aren’t “my thing”.  I’m much more comfortable in a dress, eating a gourmet meal and going to the symphony, so this was certainly out of my comfort zone.  LML was really excited about this, so I didn’t really give it much thought other than booking hotels and plotting routes for driving.  As we pulled into the facility on the first day, we’re behind a really big pickup truck and I groan.  The truck had stickers on it that said “Hillary for Prison” and NRA.  Oh crap.  I didn’t give much thought to the demographics of the attendees.  I’m very liberal, can’t stand the NRA on principle (to be clear, my issue is not with guns, but with the organization).  I think the current President of the USA is an overgrown toddler doing WAAAAAYYYYYY more damage than good.  I think I just landed in Trump-land and I’m likely going to lose a large part of my tongue from biting it.

The first night we’re there it’s a mixer.  We don’t know anyone.  They’re drinking lite American beer and many are smoking.  Yep, not my crowd.  I’m getting anxious, realizing I’m totally out of my element and worried that this was a big mistake.  However, LML kept me calm, and we had an okay time that first time, although I was rather relieved to get back to the hotel and to my glass of wine.

Ok, Techy, time to put on your big girl panties and make this an awesome adventure.  The second day we arrived early, and sat and waited for the safety talk.  The doughnut I had there was the size of my head and definitely kept me full until lunch.  We had our safety talk and were set loose.  LML and I got split up because we wanted to do different things.  I’m very much a “figure out what’s going on and do it as efficiently as possible” type of person, so I’d ask people what my next step was as I walked my knife through this process.  At this event, you could do as much or as little as you were comfortable with, and I basically spent the day documenting my machete’s creation.  I relaxed and started to chat with the people queuing up with me.  A lovely young man from New Jersey, a nice lady from DC.  We talked about knives and where we were from and I really started to enjoy myself.  Out of the 86 people who attended I was the 13^th (my lucky number) to finish.  WOW, I wasn’t expecting that at all.  The first 45 knives done got a gift card to one of their distributors.  I sassily walked back to LML who was still way behind me and showed off my gift card, then handed it to him.

We had lunch with another awesome Financial Banker from Grand Rapids MI and I was really enjoying myself.  I jumped back in to start my second knife so I was way ahead of schedule.  As I waited for LML to finish his knife, I sat down at a table with a lovely man in his 70’s and he told me stories of the history of the local area and his childhood.  I was absolutely enthralled, it was like speaking to my grandfather again (ok, without the Scottish accent and there’s NO WAY Grandpa would have been a hunter) but I truly enjoyed it.  When the gentleman found out I was Canadian he very quickly went on to clarify that he thought the President was bad and hoped we didn’t all think Americans were like Trump or supported him.  I was shocked, and very pleasantly surprised.  I assured him that I had a number of American friends who had already clarified that for me.

Then, just when I think we’ve got this thing licked, I made the HORRENDOUS mistake of having dinner with two other Canadian attendees.  They were loudmouthed and brash, saying they’d put a bullet in our Prime Minister’s head given the chance.  Ok, I had walked into this event worried about the brash American rednecks and the only jerk’s I’d discovered were from my homeland.  UGH.

I tried my best to avoid those men for the rest of the adventure and spend time talking to some of the other fascinating attendees.  A pair of very “alternative” chicks, tattoos and piercings, who were sleeping in a Teepee and riding bikes around.  Admiring the knives being created and generally enjoying myself.  LML was right, as soon as I relax and start talking to people I have a really good time.  Except for those two jerks from Hamilton, I hope I never see or hear them again!

Tapping out on Cancer

Just a month ago, I lost my dear friend Nicole to bile duct cancer.  For two years, one of my closest friends has been in palliative care for breast cancer.  She tried treatment with zero effect so she chose to live her life to the fullest for the time she had left.  Then, I find out that one of my closest friends has multiple brain tumours and has been given 6-9 months.  

FUCK, stop already.  

Last week, LML’s step-grandmother passed away.  She was old, with failing health and a long life filled with lots of family who love her and will miss her.  That’s the type of death you’re supposed to deal with.  Not the 45-year-old brilliant scientist mother of two boys or a 46-year-old woman who finally learned what it was like to live her authentic self, just to die slowly.  Not the late 50’s man who is finally able to retire, enjoy his children and grandchild and vacation in his villa in Tuscany only to be given less than a year to do so.

FUCK YOU CANCER.

It’s horrible to be angry with a disease.  There’s no face to scream at, no cause to point to and say “well if this hadn’t have happened, these families wouldn’t be so torn apart and devastated”.  I don’t believe in God in the Catholic sense, so there’s no use hating a higher power that “did this” to my loved one.  I feel useless, helpless, angry, devastated, sad and full of sorrow.

Enjoy yourself, it’s later than you think.

That’s my mantra now.  I took bereavement leave over LML’s step-grandmother.  I didn’t really morn her, hell I didn’t really know here, but I took the time, to hang with LML, extend our vacation and I don’t feel guilty about that in the slightest.  I’m booking vacations and great dinners so that we can enjoy life to the fullest because you truly never know when your last vacation or epic dinner will be your last.

• Tell people you love them
• Be kind to people
• Smile
• Hug your children
• Be grateful for what you have and humble about it.
• Live every day to the fullest.

Things I learned about myself and my kids when I took them to work for 2 days.

Ok, so I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it before, but I’m in Marketing.  I work for a global organization in the Canadian office bringing new technologies to the market.  We have a large meeting room that has all of our products in it on display.  We call it our Gallery.  It’s got one of the largest boardroom tables in the world in the middle of it and product all the way around.  We’ve grown over the past decade by innovation and acquisition.  As a result, we often have to “update the Gallery” and it’s often a daunting task.

This year, I decided to put my slaves … errr I mean sons to work.  They’re 13 and 10 and since they’re too young (legally) to work in Canada, the company agreed to pay them in gift cards.  For two full days work, they’d get a $100 gift card (each) to a local retailer.  They were STOKED.  Of course, Monday morning when I had to wake the 13-year-old up for the first time before 11 am all summer (woke him up at 6:40) they were less than enthusiastic.  But here are my learnings.

·        Fear of disappointing or embarrassing Mother is a wonderful motivator to maintain excellent behaviour.

·        My 13-year-old doesn’t say a lot but my 10-year-old NEVER STOPS TALKING.

·        Physical work for two boys who have done very little all summer causes them to sleep in the car all the way home and put themselves to bed early.

·        I finally found a restaurant near my work they both LOVE.  I will be stopping there often to get takeout on the way home.

·        I am physically exhausted from managing them and work for two days.

·        I don’t get to talk to LML nearly as much throughout the day when they’re with me.

·        They’re apparently freaked out by heavy rain

·        They both made me very proud with a very hard work ethic and earned every cent they made.

The youngest said he’d miss my office and he can’t wait until he’s old enough to come work here too … I’m just hoping I’ll have retired by then or I may need to put a cot in my office for naps!

Not ready yet to say goodbye

Cancer sucks.

I don’t know a single person whose life hasn’t been touched by cancer.  I lost my beloved grandmother at the age of 11 to stomach cancer.   Two years ago one of my best friends was diagnosed with Breast Cancer.  Unfortunately for her (and all of us who love her) the treatments didn’t work and she’s been end stage for about a year.  It’s a long time to die.

A year ago, one of my closes “mom friends” was diagnosed with bile-duct cancer.  She’s a beautiful, brilliant, happy woman.  My age, her boys close in age to my boys.  A super nerd (just like me) and a loving wife.  We had a lot in common and I considered her among my closest friends.  When she was diagnosed I sent positive vibes out into the universe for her to kick cancers ass!  I followed her journey on a cancer website, as she updated the successes and failures of her journey. 

Then, about 2 weeks ago, her husband updates her blog that the latest treatment didn’t work and she was coming to the end of her journey.  I was stunned, saddened, horrified, angry, grief-stricken.  But she’s so young!  But how will her boys and her husband go on without that incredibly bright light in their family?  We didn’t know if she had days or weeks, but he told us it wouldn’t be long after that.  Three days after finding out, she passed away peacefully in her husband’s arms.  I could almost feel a star go out, the world just became a bit dimmer without her brilliance in it.

The village that I knew her from, was a group of working mothers from all over Canada and the USA.  It had shrunk over time, but there’s still a closeness and a bond with this group.  We looked to each other for support to get through this.  I had suggested that we do a memory book of our best memories of her and send it to her husband and children.  Let them know how much she meant to so many people, how far her reach went.  I offered to collect the information and put it all together.  It’s been amazingly bittersweet.  In the beginning, every new story, every new picture, every old video sent me into another wave of tears and grief, but as I process through it, it’s making me smile.  Reminding me of how incredibly lucky I was to know and love this woman (and by extension her family as well).  Her husband was kind enough to come to our private group and offer his FaceBook profile to friend requests so we could continue watching her boys grow.  He’s a wonderful man and I can see why she loved him so much.

Remember, life is short and precious.  Enjoy every moment because it’s later than you think.   Tell the people you love how much they mean to you.  Remember the joys, forget the insults.  It’s not a dress rehearsal, this is the big show and go knock it out of the park!

Eat, Pray, Love

I’m finally getting around to this book.  I have a rather long commute (2 hours + per day) so I’ve taken to audiobooks in the car to pass the time.  I find it works better than just the news and music.  I recently finished a fabulously trashy fantasy erotica series (well at least the first 12 books) about Warrior Immortals that are paired with Demons and the human and immortal women they fall in love with.  I thoroughly enjoyed the series and my only concern is rolling up to a red light with the windows down and startling the person next to me if they’re in the middle of yet another graphic sex scene. *snert*

However, I’m now on to something a bit different.  LML downloaded Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.  I know that there was a movie about it with Julia Roberts and it took place in India, that was all I knew about this book as it started.  I really liked that it was actually read by the Author, it feels very genuine.  That being said there’s quite a bit I like about this book and there are some things that I really don’t like about this book.

What I don’t like about it.

The Author seems to have a rather negative view of prescription medication for mental illness.  I appreciate that she wants to use it ONLY as a last resort and that her goal is to “get off it” as soon as possible, but as someone who’s been well medicated for over 2 decades and knows that “getting of it” is not a possibility ever I find that narrow mindset insulting.  What if she was diabetic?  Would she view it as a failure if she required insulin?  Would she constantly be beating herself up for not getting over diabetes and getting off the insulin?  Is she frustrated with her body because she needs birth control to prevent getting pregnant?  Some people simply do have a chemical imbalance and the medication balances them out.  She doesn’t think medication should be used without psychiatry, I can’t imagine what my life would look like if I’d been seeing a psychiatrist for the past two decades.  What a colossal waste of time it would have been for me and the doctor.  I’m good, I’m healthy, I just require medication to keep my body functioning and that doesn’t make me less of a person than her.

What I do like about it.

I love hearing about religions that I know little to nothing about.  I grew up in a very Catholic environment and while my family wasn’t religious AT ALL, my friends were and I’d attended Roman Catholic services and Mormon services and none of that ever rang true for me.  I married into an Anglican family (first time around) and while I had a lot of respect for the Pastor, it never connected with me.  However, listing to the Author talk about “connecting with God” and how “God dwells within all of us” it connects me to things I’d heard before “how we are made in His image” that it’s okay to be truly who we are as we are exactly as we are meant to be and that denying that would be an insult to God.  She uses the term God not in deference to the Catholic religion, just that is the word she is most comfortable with.  I cringed in the beginning as it’s not a word I’m comfortable with but she does reference other deities in trying to be inclusive in her descriptions so I appreciate that.

The bottom line is I don’t think I’ve ever blogged about a book before so the fact that it’s giving me such a strong positive and negative reaction is a good thing, means it’s making me think and feel.  That and I want to do Yoga and Meditate more.

Mental Health Awareness

I have no problem telling people that I’m diabetic.  That is due to genes and lifestyle, so in a nutshell, partially my fault.  However, I do hesitate to tell people that I suffer from mental health issues.  Even typing it out, it’s hard.  There is literally nothing I can do about it.  It’s either genetic or (like me) simply a freak of nature, but I still have a hard time telling people.

I’ve got a great life!  I’m married to the love of my life, I’ve got two amazing boys who I love and am so incredibly proud of.  I’ve got an awesome job, great friends, the ability and finances to live a good life in a great house.  From the outside looking in, I’ve got it all.

I’ve also got Bipolar Disorder.  20+ years ago when I was diagnosed it was called Manic Depressive with Anxiety.  I’d have high highs but scary lows.  I had a cry for help when I was 14.  It wasn’t a real suicide attempt; it truly was a cry for help when I opened my wrists on the opening night of my school musical when I was in grade nine.  I showed up at the show that night, in May with long sleeves on covering the bandages on my wrists.  I was rushed into one absolute ASSHAT of a psychiatrist who just kept asking me what drugs I was using.  I wasn’t using drugs, I had mental health issues that would go on for about another decade before someone finally figured it out.

Since my mid 20’s I’ve been on medication.  I’ve had to adjust the amounts over the years.  I’ve had to supplement with herbal remedies when I need a bit more help, but all in all, I’ve got it under control and I cannot tell you how incredibly lucky I feel about that.

Robin Williams

Kate Spade

Anthony Bourdain

They had it all.  Fame, success, family, access to all the medical help in the world.  Instead, they’re all dead.  They all gave in to the demon that drove them to think there was no help, no light at the end of the tunnel. 

If you ever need help, someone to listen, someone to help find you the help you need, I’m here.  I promise I will ALWAYS be here.  No matter how hard it gets, no matter where you are or where I am.  It doesn’t matter if you’re my child, my cousin, my friend or someone I know vaguely from Facebook or another internet site if you need me I promise to do whatever is in my power to help you.

https://suicideprevention.ca/

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

www.crisisservicescanada.ca

Our national shame.

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-42997697

I don’t know how to process this.  I’ve sat there like Judgey McJudgerson looking at the US with their racial divides and wonder how it got that bad.  How do they tolerate such horrific treatment of black Americans?  Why can’t they all just get along and stop the racism?  Then a story like Colten Boushie comes along and reminds me that we’re (Canada) just as bad, if not worse in our treatment of our Indigenous People. 

We’ve put these people on reservations that are just like living in poverty.  We’ve taken their children away to “improve their quality of life” … with white parents.  Their drug and alcohol abuse rates are significantly higher than the average Canadian, along with their suicide rates.  We tend to look down our noses at “Native Canadians” as less than, and we seem to not be bothered by it.  We were raised to believe they were lazy, entitled, less-than … we were raised as racist bigots.  The treatment of these people is horrific, yet Canadians seem more concerned about any other suffering people in the world, rather than those on their own doorstep.

What bothered me most is the more I read about the crime and horrific miscarriage of justice, the more it came apparent that our laws are so outdated and designed to serve the white man, the sicker I felt.

·        The fact that the three young men in the car with the victim were taken into custody for questioning before the white man who SHOT the victim. 

·        The fact that the defence was able to dismiss any juror that appeared aboriginal at all to load the jury with white men SCREAMS of the injustices of early 1900 America.

·        The fact that Canada does not have laws allowing one to use deadly force yet still, this man literally got away with murder makes my stomach roll.

I’m outraged; I’m sickened but is it enough to spur action?  What can I do?   I know I can raise my children to not be bigots.  To not judge people based solely on the colour of their skin, or where they were born.  That every Canadian deserves the same access and protection to the law and that the laws that disadvantage a specific segment of the society need to change.

We must not let Colten die in vain.  I hope he becomes the catalyst for change for the betterment of the First Nations. 

Ok, so it’s time for me to get on my soapbox!

Look, let’s remove all the hyperbole and the political mudslinging and look at the situation as it stands.   When I heard that former PC Provincial Party Leader Patrick Brown had resigned his leadership over allegations of sexual misconduct I was hardly shocked.  It’s likely one of the worst-kept secrets in Barrie (PB’s home riding) that he’s a sleaze-ball in the bars and spends WAY too much money on printing for his propaganda.  When he was selected as the leader of the Provincial PC Party I groaned, rolled my eyes and said we’ll that’ll keep me off the PC bandwagon.

Now that the allegations are out, I see people asking “if everyone in Barrie knew why did they elect him?”  I can only answer with “some people suck”.  Rob Ford was elected and he was a drug-addicted slimeball who made fun of driving drunk and all around acted like an ass.  President Trump will “grab ‘em by the pussy” and he’s got one of the most powerful positions in the world.   People don’t care what happens to “others” as long as their own selfish needs are being met, it really is that simple.

So, the right-wingers and majority of scared males start with the “it’s the liberals doing this” … wow, that’d be a neat trick, but I honestly don’t think Kathleen Wynne is smart enough to pull this off.  The stories were genuine and heartfelt (something Wynne isn’t).  Then the … why did they wait 10 years?  Because until very recently the women coming forward were revictimized by victim blaming. 

“Why did the girls drink?” – because they were at a bar, that’s what you do.

“Why didn’t they say no?” – well, they actually did, very clearly.

“Why aren’t the police investigating?” – because sexual misconduct is not a crime, it’s a standard of conduct that we hold people in power too.  He was older, able to buy them drinks, give them jobs, have power over them and he used that.  He shouldn’t have, it was wrong.  This goes beyond single horny guy trying to get some, this is someone who plans to live their lives in the public eye as a leader, and a leader needs to be held to the highest standard.  When we don’t do that, we end up with President Trump!

Is Patrick Brown the worst sexual monster in the world?  Of course not, but he’s more than just a guy who gets shot down at bars, he uses his standing and power to try to get sexual acts out of young women, and that is simply wrong.

Not just ear pudding

In one morning, both of my favourite morning Radio Hosts managed to piss me off, causing me to change the station, for good.

It started with the announcement that Michelle Williams was paid $80 per day (per dieum) to reshoot scenes of her new movie “All the Money in the World” to put Christopher Plummer in to take out Kevin Spacey.  Kevin is now on the blacklist for his actions and lack of an authentic apology of allegations of previous sexual assault.  However, her co-star in the movie, Mark Whalburg needed $1.5 million dollars to participate in the reshoot, very clearly highlighting that there is an obvious wage disparity between the genders.  As Charlie finishes telling this story her cohost Dale breaks in with “I’m sick of this, all I have to say is that she needs a better agent”.  Charlie pretty much stopped talking as my jaw hit the floor.  I’m sorry old white man; you think you know how the world works?  Well guess what, Michelle Williams HAD the SAME agency as Markie Mark.  So it’s not just a “she should negotiate better” but rather SCREAMING out that women are not valued monetarily what men are.

I’m seething but I’m thinking, well, he may be an old, out of touch fart, but Charlie is still good.  Then … she proceeds to break my heart as she totes the amazing mothering advice with Kelly Clarkson who believes hitting children is a positive parenting trait.  WAIT, its 2018, you STILL believe that spanking your kid is ANYTHING other than you losing your control? 

Gross, thankfully I have B101, even if my favourite announcer from there went on a new path a few months ago, music is still good and you don’t get that echo chamber effect of idiots talking out of their asses.    Goodbye 107.5 Koolfm Barrie, and good riddance.