I can breathe again

The last few weeks have been weighing heavily on me.  My dear friend was diagnosed with Breast Cancer.  CANCER the word alone frightens me, and to have someone so young, so vibrant be afflicted was hard for me to wrap my head around.  Not only was she ill, but there was a chance she’d be going away, for the longest stretch yet.  Since she hasn’t live here permanently for a long period of time, she’s not covered by our provincial health care.  It’s not free (we pay for it in our taxes), but it’s there when we need it.  One of the drawbacks of it is that there tend to be some long wait times.  When you have cancer, the wait times are frightening.  Because of all of this, she was considering doing her treatment in Australia.  She has a good friend there, who’s also a cancer survivor and would be invaluable to her, through the process.   The wait times are much shorter there as well.  I knew she was leaning towards Australia and I knew it was going to be a 5 year commitment to her health, and even while she was going through the fight of her life, she’d be on the other side of the world.  I’d miss her, epically.

From the moment she told me all of this all I could respond with was “whatever you feel is best” or “wherever you’re going to get the best care is my vote”.  I had to make sure she made the best decision for herself.  Of course I wanted her here.  I want her close so I can hold her hand when her eyelashes are gone.  We can share a bottle of wine (or two) and talk about what we’re going to do when she “fights like a girl and kicks cancer’s ass”.  I wanted her to be here so I could help be strong for her; as she’s always been strong for me when I needed her.  She’s been so many things to me throughout the years, but above all, she’s been a friend and I want to be one for her too.

She’s chosen here for her treatment.  A wonderful friend in her life apparently pulled some strings and got her pushed up on the schedule.  She had a great meeting with her team at the hospital about time lines and plans and all the details and it made her feel good about choosing here.  I almost exploded with happiness.  Happy that she has finally chosen and has begun a plan.  Happy that she sounds eager to do this.  Happy that she’ll be here and not on the other side of the world for the next 5 years.   I feel so much relief, and I will do EVERYTHING in my power to help her through this.

I didn't even shed a tear

Sometimes I wonder if I'm broken.  If my normal meter is off.  This past weekend the Marvelous Miss M came up for a Christmas party.  I had a wonderful time hanging out with her.  Watching the little gifts interact with her.  There was tons of laughter, tons of wine and blissful happiness like there always is when she's around.

Then, after the little gifts were in bed, and my husband was off sampling beers at a friends, in the middle of my kitchen, she dropped the bomb.  It was cancer.  I knew there was something, but I was giving her the space to tell me in her own way.  Breast cancer, stage 2.  I hugged her, that was my first reaction, then tried to ask questions and let her tell the story.  The Queen of Irony proceeded to tell me who knew, and who was stepping up to help.  We talked all night, I sobered up VERY quickly at the news, and simply listened as she talked.  Quiet tears rolled down her cheeks every once in a while.

I listened, I wondered what I could do to help.  For some reason, and I'm not sure if it's denial or faith, but I'm not scared.  I KNOW she's going to pull through this.  I know she'll be at my wedding reception next year, drinking with FCW and running interference with my mother.  I know she'll spend weekends with us through the years.  She'll see the boys go to University and get married themselves.  

She's one year older than me, she's one of my favourite people in the world.  She's helped me become the person I am today, and come hell or high water, I'm going to do whatever I can to help her through this.

Trying to let it go

Don't worry, I'm not about to bust into some Frozen tunes, but I'm finding myself challenged at work currently.  Don't get me wrong, I love my job, like most of my coworkers and have a great boss.  I'm happier here than I've ever been at a job.  Most days are great, but right now I'm annoyed beyond belief and need to figure it out.

I work in a department of 4 women, one man and a male boss.  Most of the time it's harmonious and pretty laid back.  Right to the point of sometimes punctuality goes right out the window.  Last week we were pretty bad for it.  The boss will randomly come in late, and we'll all start to follow that pattern.  We all started to abuse the flexibility last week to the point where the boss sent an email about respecting the start times, but it only went to the ladies.  The other male coworker is one of the worst offenders, but that is actually a different story.  

This happens, it's cyclical, we get told to straighten up, communicate with the team better and obey the rules and we usually do.  This time, however, TCW is still running rogue.  We've been told to honour the start times.  There are two approved start times, either 8-430 or 830-5, and TCW continues to stroll in around 915.  She says she works until 6 but I know from personal experience, that when the boss leaves (usually by 5) she's out the door minutes later.  We're also supposed to let the team know what's up. She never does.  She wasn't in the office at all yesterday, and today I found out it was due to an "off site meeting".  She took an ENTIRE day off for a 1 hour meeting with a 90 minute drive on either side of it.  Then today, she strolls in after 915 again.

I know it shouldn't be my business, but she's been promoted (to a level above me) during my employment there and she's also had her workload reduced, where I keep getting more dumped on me.  

I know that life isn't fair, but it's not equitable and it's starting to really piss me off.  I could go to my boss, but I don't know how to voice my concerns without sounding like a whiner.  I could go to HR, but that's TCWs style, not mine.  I know that I should just let it roll off my back and let Karma get her, but I'm having a hard time letting this one go.

Change in plans ... VEGAS BABY!

As I may have mentioned, I've been looking forward to my wedding in 2015.  Well, I just couldn't wait and LML (Love of My Life) and I ran off to Vegas and got married on Nov 7th 2014.  We'd been planning the Vegas trip since it coincided with a work trip of mine, and we just couldn't resist telling people we "ran off to Vegas and got married by Elvis".

Yes, it's just too cool.
http://youtu.be/9ED9gKkuF9Y
We even live streamed it on the web.  As Michelle said, it's the first wedding she's attended where being drunk and in her PJ's wouldn't be awkward.

I wouldn't have done it any other way.  <3 font="">

Apparently the same person who stole October and half of November

Oops, it's been a while ... on to today's topic

The original mommy wars were Working Moms vs Stay at home Moms.  One didn’t love their kids enough letting strangers raise them, the others were pretty much lazy and a drain on society.  There’s been a lot of sensitivity that’s come out from those wars.

• All moms work – it’s a hell of a job
• All moms love their kids – some can’t be with them 24/7
• All moms should work to help build each other up, not tear each other down

I’ve been on the working mom side of that war.  I’ve never looked down at a stay at home mom, but I’ve also never envied them.  I do love the little gifts, but I’m grateful for a job I thoroughly enjoy and the chance to grow their village with a wider group of those who love, care for and help my gifts grow.  I’ve learned to bite my tongue whenever someone says “oh I’d never let a stranger raise my child”.  That’s mostly born of ignorance, not malice.

I thought we’d finally let that war die, but now it’s resurface to the “Clean House” wars.  Interesting that SAHM (Stay at Home Moms) or WM (Working Moms) end up on either side of this war.  A lot of facebook memes are denoted to “I carefully take pictures of my children to hide the disaster my home is”, or blog posts from one of my favourite bloggers, that her house is a disorganized chaotic mess, but that’s just how she rolls.  The common theme is “as long as it’s not unsanitary, messy is A-OK”.  But then there are other mothers who feel their failing if their house is a mess, and those still who, because they keep their home neat and tidy, are accused of not loving their children enough to forego the cleaning to play with / interact with them. 

OMG … seriously?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I just watched one of my facebook groups have a long conversation about this, and some defriending happened because of the argument.  Really people … REALLY?  Is this so important, that you’ll unfriend someone you’ve called a friend?  Is this so important that you’ll place your self-worth and personal value on it?  I really can’t wrap my head around that.  I like it when my house is clean and organized.  It’s usually clean, it’s RARELY organized.  No one is in danger of mold spores, the litter boxes and bathrooms are cleaned regularly.  Do I wash the baseboards … uhhhh nope.  Do I think I’m less of a Mother, Wife, Woman because of this … NOPE.

I just can’t imagine putting that much emotion and effort into such silliness.  I’m blessed to have another private group, that while we may discuss such topics, and there are those of us on either end of the spectrum, no one every WARS about it, or loses friends over it. 

The lesson for today is, surround yourself with people who build you up and eliminate those who wear you down.     

Wait, who stole September?!?!?!?

What do you mean it’s been a whole month since I’ve blogged?  CRAP, sorry ‘bout that …. I’ve been kinda busy!

It’s been another crazy month.  My birthday month was awesome; that’s right, after 35 you’re eligible to claim the ENTIRE month as your birthday and celebrate appropriately.  September flew by in a flurry of activity.  My long-lost friend Michelle and I reconnected.  We had a falling out about 7 years ago, and finally allowed the water to flow under the bridge and caught up.  It was good, another mistake from my past corrected.  Another long time friend FINALLY came home from her worldly travels and came up for the weekend.  The lil gifts charmed her to the point she almost stole them both on her way out the door.  She met LML and approved, good thing as she’s my maid of honour at the wedding.

Lately work though, has been absolutely insane.  I’m launching 60 new items, transitioning 4 entire brands to improve profitability, and working on half a dozen different marketing projects.  There’s ZERO mucking about and wasting time at work right now.  I have to keep the smile plastered to my face while sales people blow their lids, warehouse people lose shipments, coworkers ignore request … so I’ll just tell them what I think as I walk by!

My FAVOURITE birthday gift

I'm spoiled, I think that's a commonly known truth.  LML and I are financially comfortable, if we want / need something we can afford it.  I have a shoe collection to rival Amelda Marcos, and I just got a brand new car.  I'm not difficult to buy for, I like girlie things, flowers, candles, nail polish, massages, etc.

I took the train into work today and LML brought the two gifts to my office for lunch.  He took the day off work so that he could ensure he was home to cook me dinner.  I had a VERY important meeting this morning and I needed to do the follow up this afternoon, so LML brought the boys down with him, took us to lunch, then entertained the boys while I went back to work.  He'll come back at the end of my work day and drive me home ... because I'm spoiled.  

While I'm working, they went to Legoland.  I got this picture (among others) but this is my most favourite.  The greatest gift is having a wonderful man in my life who not only loves me, but loves my kids and they love him too!

Signed,
The luckiest and happiest woman ever!

If I cannot lead by example, allow me to at least be a warning.

I’m looking forward to my wedding in 2015 with a great deal of excitement.  I’m fortunate enough to have found the love of my life, and he loves me back.  He treats me like a princess and a person.  He has a great deal of respect for me, what I do, and more importantly who I am.  He calls me SuperMom (one of my favourite compliments) and is always honest with me.  I not only trust him with my heart, I trust him with my boys and my life. 

But of course, this isn’t my first rodeo, or trip down the aisle.  I did it, almost 20 years ago, believing it would be the only time I would ever get married.  I was marrying a man I respected and loved, and that was enough, or so I thought.  I look back and it’s not all my fault, nor is it his entire fault why the marriage didn’t work.  We were simply two people so broken together, nothing could repair us.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m forever grateful we didn’t work out, so that I could find the love of my life.  I spent literally decades asking “is this all there is? Is this all that marriage is?”  I was lonely, I wanted someone who WANTED to BE with me, and my ex-husband didn’t.   He wanted me to mother his children, and be successful in my career, but he didn’t want to share a life.

I can see so clearly where we went wrong, and I WILL NOT make those mistakes again.

1.       When you make mistakes, OWN THEM.

This was a huge mistake on both our parts.  You can never recover from a lie / mistake / betrayal if you don’t completely own it.  If you aren’t honest with your partner about what happened, you can’t be truly sorry, and you cannot be truly forgiven.  I believe this is fear driven most of all.  When you have to admit to someone very close how badly you screwed up, you actually have to face it yourself.  Avoidance is easier, but in the long term, it’s poison and allows the act to fester and rot.

2.       Make your partner a priority.

Not an afterthought, not a problem, but someone important in your life.  Fall in love with someone you want to DO things with, someone you want to be physically close to as much as possible.  I’m not saying you have to be joined at the hip, and absolutely EVERY activity needs to be shared, but don’t forgo your partner at the expense of other interests.   Make sure you get some quality couple time.  It’s so easy to get lost in the business of everyday life.  With children, homes, jobs, friends, families, interest … so many things to do and organize, it’s critical that you carve out some time together to connect.  Maybe a coffee on a Sunday morning while the kids are playing or watching cartoons, a dinner out if you can swing it, or just sitting together talking while the kids play at the park.  So many opportunities to not only be together but to connect together that get lost in the shuffle, so instead of saying no, learn to say yes to these times.

3.       The small things count.

Yes, everyone loves big extravagant presents, grandiose gestures of love, and to be spoiled rotten, but often the small things, the simplest of gestures (while providing your mutual friends with great opportunity to post DI-A-BEE-TUS gifs on your facebook feed), go a LONG way in making your loved one feel as special as they deserve to be.  Buy a little gift or card, and put it somewhere they’ll see it if you can’t be there to welcome them home at the end of the day.  Do their laundry and put it away without expecting a HUGE thank you (or the proverbial parade).  Tell them that they make you happy, or just smile at them and tell them you love them out of the blue.  Yes, the big weddings and vacations and purchases are fun, but it’s the small things that bind you together.

4.       Don’t try to live to the standards of others.

I made this mistake for so long.  I did what I thought others expected me to do.  Hell, I didn’t even ask or get told what to do; I took guesses and just did that.  I shake my head now at the stupidity of it all.  I let go of the need to be judged and valued by others and learned what it took to make ME happy.  I don’t worry about “keeping up with the Jones’ “or anyone else.  I just do what makes me, my partner and my family happy. 

The bottom line is that happiness is truly a choice, granted, often not an easy one as you cannot please everyone else and yourself all the time.  When I did finally decided that my happiness was important, and recognized what it was going to take to get there I turned my life upside down.  It was one of the smartest things I’ve ever done.  I’m happier, my kids are happier, my partner is happy, my employer is happy that I’m happy, as are my family and friends.  I do not regret one day of my past, as it’s brought me to where I am now, and I’m truly happy.  It took a LOT for me to be able to say that, but I really am!

This is what’s wrong with kids these days!

Carbosly @Carbosly

Parenting is 80% making empty threats & 20% picking up miniature toys on the floor.

I was flipping through my facebook feed and came across a post from HuffPo with the “funniest parenttweets”.  Some of them were funny, really funny, but I saw this one and it pissed me off.  No lady, that’s NOT what good parenting is about, that’s what bad parenting is about. 

If your parenting like this twit … errr twitterer, then what you’re doing is teaching your children that their actions do not have consequences, and that they can be lazy, because someone else will clean up their mess.  I’m not saying I’m the perfect parent, or that I have all the answers, but while some people are trying to be funny, or get followers, they’re failing their children and our collective future.

The empty threats are really what bother me.  I don’t make threats; I simply state the consequences to their actions, with a warning (which isn’t an empty threat, just a chance for them to self correct) and then I execute the consequences.  I used to give the youngest gift a ton of warnings, and what I learned in that exercise was that I was delaying the inevitable, and no one appreciated that.  If his actions are going to send him to his room, I explain that, give him the opportunity to stop the action and if he doesn’t, it's off to his room for him.  Or, if it’s, really bad, and he’ll lose the iPad privileges (this is really his currency) and that makes for miserable time for all of us.

The empty threats just teach your children that their actions don’t have true consequences and they can’t trust what you say.  I want my children to believe what I say when I tell them what I’m going to do, or that I love them, or that I’ll always be there for them.  I want them to trust me.

Seriously, I stopped picking up their toys when they turned 3.  They know where the toy chest is, they can return their own toys.  I’ve got my own crap to clean up!

He asked me to write a blog about

I've used this phrase a number of times in the past couple of days.  It's a numeric sequence basically saying "all the time".  The basis of our conversation were about our happiness.  That I want him to be happy 24/7/365.  It's not that I'm altruistic, it's that I'm entirely selfish.  My happiness is tied to his, all of my emotions are tied to his.  When he's upset or anxious, I'm unnerved.  When he's bothered by something, I don't feel right.  When he's happy, I feel like I've got the world by the tail.  Perhaps it's because we're so in tune with one another, we're almost empathic.  

But I doubt that it's really that interesting.

Its a matter of I like to see him happy.  He's an amazing person and when he's happy he glows, and that light shines on me.  Yes, perhaps it's corny, perhaps it's simply how I choose to visualize my manifestation of happy, but it's really true, when he gets excited about something, be it GenCon or Beer, or whatever else has him wound up I get swept up in the excitement and thrill at discovering something new.  And it's WONDERFUL.

So, my goal in life, is to make sure he's happy 24/7/365 and I'll do that by loving him, working hard at us and at life, making sure he feels loved, cherished and trusted.  By making sure he trusts me with any thought, feeling or idea, that I'll never judge, but rather thrill in the adventure with him.  He's my best friend, he's the love of my life, and I want him to be as happy as I am.

Because HAPPY

An open letter to Target Canada

Dear Target,

You need to hear this, but right now you pretty much suck.  I get it; you had a rough opening in Canada.  You say you’ve failed your Canadian guests, supply chain issues, empty shelves, but do you REALLY know what it’s going to take to fix this?  Honestly, it’s more than just putting product on the shelf, and if you think that’s your only problem, you’re doomed, and that makes me, as a Canadian consumer very sad.   Let’s look at what’s happened and what you can do to fix it.

Complaint – prices are higher than the US stores.  Of course they are, but you know what, so are they in Walmart Canada vs Walmart USA too, same as Home Depot, Lowe’s, the GAP, and just about ANY retailer with operations on both sides of the border.  When Walmart entered the Canadian market 20 years ago, there likely was the ardent cross boarder shopping, but there wasn’t the ability to “status update” “tweet” or “blog” about the price differences.  Stop trying to chase a pricing ideal that once consumers realize it’s the same with ALL retailers, they’ll stop barking.  How do you do this?  Give them a GREAT assortment (yes, you’ve failed in this) and a REASON to shop at Target.

Complaint – the assortment isn’t as good as the Target stores in the USA.  It’s true; I remember when I walked into my first Target Canada store.  There were shiny new carts with cup holders so I could enjoy my Triple Venti Skinny Vanilla Latte prepared to be WOWed by the product like I was in the USA.  My enthusiasm quickly dwindled when I saw racks upon racks of Cherokee merchandise.  Wait … this is just Zellers with some lipstick on it.   There weren’t the fabulous boutique like clothes and accessories like I’d find south of the boarder.  The housewares section looked a TON like the one at Walmart and even then, many shelves were bare.  You have a unique Canadian buying team, but really, did you just higher all the ex-Zellers buyers … because that’s what it really felt like.

Go out, take a chance on some more exciting home fashions at great prices.  Create a unique and stylish brand and SHOWCASE it for crying out loud.  Do pop-up stores, put your ad agency to work getting on local shows, have the young trendy folks WEAR IT.  Educate the Canadian Consumer on what your house brand is.  Walmart has George, Loblaws has Joe … I can’t even name yours. 

Complaint – the store shelves are empty.  Easy fix … BUY MORE to sell us!  I cannot for the life of me understand why you’ve had over a YEAR of inventory struggles.  If your supply chain is locking down the buyers ability to cut PO’s to fill the shelf STOP THAT!  I’ve dropped $3 million at a 4 day trade show, earning that employer healthy 71% average margins and value to the consumer.  It’s not rocket science, it’s CATEGORY MANAGEMENT.   Seriously, this is the EASIEST one to fix of all. 

You’re sorry, I get it, I’ve seen the YouTube video, but WHAT are you doing to fix the problem?  I keep hearing you’re working on it, but I don’t see the results.  I had the opportunity to pop into your Ajax store last week.  Staff weren’t excited to see me, I had to bother them to ask a question.  The store was a MESS, but I happened across a pair of Yoga pants that I FELL IN LOVE WITH.  WOW, I didn’t know Target had GREAT stuff like that.  Then, on my way out I spotted a purse that I HAD to HAVE.  Seriously Target, you’ve GOT so much right, don’t blow it with all you have going wrong.

Here are my quick tips on how to fix it FAST.

1.       Go to Staples Canada and hire their store staff.  They have THE BEST customer service of ANY retailer in Canada.  They live it, breathe it and reward it.  Get your staff on board with this.

2.       Let your buyers BUY!  Give them license to get creative with in store displays.   Make it bright, colourful and exciting to shop in. 

3.       Stay true to the “our pricing is in line with the Canadian market” mantra.  Make it WORTH it to shop at Target and people will.

4.       Tell people exactly WHAT you’re doing to fix the problems.  Stop with the empty sorrys and get to work FAST.

I’ve shopped at a few Targets to great disappointment.  You’re opening up in my home town on August 1^st.  I’ll be there that day; I’m really hoping to see changes.  I’ve waited a LONG time for Target to come to Canada and I don’t want to have to wait until my annual trip to the USA to shop at Target … but if you stay on the path you’re on right now, that’s how it’s going to be.

Sincerely,

A really busy working mother who wants Target to succeed!

Feeling the need for speed.

WOW, what a weekend.  I think I have a mild adrenalin hangover!   A coworker and I had the opportunity to hit a Grand Prix race as VIP guests.  WOW.  We spent the weekend, schmoozing with race car drivers, eating gourmet food, watching some really fast cars.  The ultimate was hanging out in the pit DURING the race.  Watching a Grand Prix Ferrari come to a stop in front of you, change its wheels, change its driver and get fueled up will make your hair stand on end when you’re only 8-10 feet away from the powerful machine.

I think I may have found the eldest gift’s calling, as he’s skinny enough to fit in with the race car driver set.  I’d never given it much thought before, but not only the weight component slowing the cars down, but being an absolute tooth pick so you can get IN and OUT of the race car is imperative.  I (not so gracefully) wedged myself into it and crawled back out. 

A picture is worth a thousand words, so I’ll leave it to those, and 2 videos!

VROOM VROOM!

Heroes

It’s a crazy world isn’t it?  We’re currently hanging out on this big beautiful marble in a world and time that moves at a ridiculously fast pace.  News headlines scream about Sports "Heros" fighting dogs, crashing cars or raping women.  TV and rock stars (and the Mayor of Toronto) are making asses out of themselves in and out of rehab.  Where do we look for our leaders, our role models, our heroes?  Well if you’re me, you look at the extraordinary group of Working Mothers you’re lucky enough to be a part of.  This cyber group came together over the past 10 years.  Meeting on a babycentric site, when it changed formats, we migrated to a private group on facebook.  These women are simply AWESOME.  American and Canadian moms with kids ranging in age from 1 to 20’s, we’ve stuck together, supported each other, been there for each other, laughed together, cried together … all on our fabulous little technology devices.  I’ve even had the luck of meeting 2 (there are 45 of us in the group) of these amazing women.  We’re from all walks of life, all levels of income, backgrounds, religion, careers, married, divorced, single, etc.  The one thing we have in common is that we’re all mothers.

One of these women, for me, truly stands out.  I’ve “known” Haley for about 7-8 years know.  She has fantastic names for her kids (all trademarked, so don’t go stealing them) and Agent Weaselburg is my favourite name.  She was courageous enough to follow her dream and start her own business, helping care for people https://www.facebook.com/pages/CarePatrol-of-The-Triangle/248254672007013 .  That, in itself, would make her heroic in my mind, but she’s far more than that.  She has two beautiful daughters, and writes a blog called http://leadershipgirl.com/  Wow, she’s writing to help empower women to become everything they can be.   Her posts are always thoughtful, brilliantly written and inspiring.  I’m a fan (can you tell).

Ok, if THAT wasn’t enough to make her a hero in my mind, then there’s Fifi.  She recently adopted 3 orange kittens (brothers).  Seriously, cuteness beyond belief!!!  Shortly after bringing them home, she noticed one was ill, that’s Fifi.  He had a blockage in his throat that prevented him from eating.  I honestly believe most people would have sadly let the kitten be put down, and enjoyed having the other two brothers … well not Haley.  She (and her family) went about caring for this little kitten with tube feedings until his surgery could be scheduled.  She not only rescued this little darling, but created a facebook page so everyone could watch and cheer on Fifi!  https://www.facebook.com/groups/808705185806267/?fref=ts

I think that if more people could see and admire heroes like Haley, the world would simply be a better place!  Thanks Haley, you’re my hero!

BEST DAY EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He'd been trying to get a day off to go to Spence Diamond down by my work to pick up the ring, he'd narrowed it down to two.  So he took yesterday off, and I went "cool, I've got a day in lieu to burn, I'll take it off with you".  He let me sleep until noon, then we were planning to go to the mall (he needed new runners) and Walmart (I wanted new underwear) ... then we get into the car and he hands me a blindfold.  I looked at him and said "seriously?"  I couldn't figure out why he wanted me to be blindfolded to go to Walmart.  After I put the blindfold on he went back into the house to get something, put it in the back seat, and we were off.

I was trying to figure out where we were going, felt like Walmart with all the stops and turns.  Then, when I thought we were turning into the Walmart parking lot, the car sped up ... FAST.  WTF?!?!?!?  Then I realized he'd turned on to the 400 south (the last turn before the Walmart enterance).  Ok, so maybe we're going to Magnotta, that'd be nice .... oohhhhhh maybe we're going to Niagara.  I settle in for the drive (still blindfolded) and enjoy.

After a while, I can feel the car slowing down.  I mention that and Shawn says "yes, traffic, must be an accident".  After a complete stop, the car turned left.  I swore it was Rutherford Road.  I do that drive two and from work every day and it just felt right.   Ohhhhh  maybe we're going to Wonderland ... damn, I wore a dress.  Passed Wonderland ... ohhhhh maybe we're going shopping at Vaughan Mills!  Nope, passed that too.  Hmmm, maybe I'm wrong, maybe it's not Rutherford.  Then, about 5 minutes later we turn right and hit two stop signs in a road.  WTF?  "Why are we going to my work?"  Just then, he pulls over and stops.  We're at the park, around the corner from my work.  I see him reach into the back seat and pull out what I thought was his lunch bag.  Ohhhhh a picnic ... No he says.  Hmmmmmmm.  I'd given him a photo album with pictures from the last two years for Father's Day and the pictures he took of me at that park two years ago were in there.  He said he wanted updated pictures.   Ohhhh, how sweet.

So, I climbed up on the playground and ... well ... watch the video.

He used his ring that I bought him a year ago, because he hadn't gotten to the jewelers yet.  We went to Spence, picked out my beautiful ring and then went for lunch.  It was amazing.  The waitress at lunch wanted to know what we were celebrating, because I was glowing, I showed her my ring.  Honestly I'm still on cloud nine.

Move over Letterman ... I can do a top ten list too!

Ok, so I’ve been feeling pretty down about myself lately.  Two years ago I was hitting the gym for 2-3 hours a day, EVERY DAY and I was in GREAT shape.  I wasn’t skinny, I wouldn’t even say lean, but I was really happy about how I looked.  Then, again, life got in the way.  Custody schedules, travel, work … a thousand excuses but I’m back to my original shape … round.  Realistically, what really bothers me is how out of shape I am.  I’d love to take a bike ride with the boys, or go play soccer at the park, but I’m afraid I’d need an Ambulance on standby for anything more than a flight of stairs.

So, LML tasked me to write a list of 10 things I like about myself.  This is much like the #100HappyDays it’s an exercise to focus on the positive … really, did I just say exercise?  Oy.  He’s also pointed out that it can’t be compliments to him or the boys aka “I love how happy you make me LML” or “I love how awesome the boys are” (although I made them so it’s kinda me ;-) but here goes.

1.    I love my hands.  I love how long and thin my fingers are.  I love the way I take care of them with manicures, colour, moisturizer, etc.  They’re very pretty and I love that I can wear HUGE funky rings and they look awesome on me.

2.     I love my not only willingness but excitement to wear an EXTREME variety of footwear.  Everything from flip flops and ballet flats to 7” spiked stilettos in bubble gum pink!  I am this generation’s Amelda!

3.      I like that I’m always jumping to Yes instead of No when I’m asked for something.  I really like helping friends out and doing things for them.

4.      I’ve got stupid sexy calves (even with the scar down one shin) that look AMAZING in those ridiculously high heels.

5.     I have a great smile and I use it liberally

6.     I’m reliable.  While that sounds kind of boring, it means people can count on me.  If I say I’m going to do something, I do it.  I can commit to events, tasks and being there for friends.

7.     I don’t sweat the small stuff and I don’t over think things.  I had an incident with the eldest gift this past weekend.  I stood my ground, and then compromised.  I wasn’t sure if I’d compromised or caved, but after telling LML what happen he agreed I’d done the right thing in that situation and I wasn’t just being a spineless marshmallow.

8.     I laugh, A LOT!  With enthusiasm and a joyous lust for life.

9.     I like to make people happy.  Whether it’s to compliment a coworker on a great outfit, or give someone a neat promo pen I have, I like to make people smile.

10.  I’m not only the friend that will help you move, I’ll help you move a body.  For my good friends I’ll do everything in my power to help them out.

Wow, that was a lot harder than it looked.    I’m having a bit of a Sally Fields moment … they like me, they really like me ... but more importantly I like me.    Best part is while I was writing this out, I realized most of my closest friends (Shawn, Michael, Michaela, the Working Moms) have many of these same traits too.  Apparently I do attract what I try to put out.

The grey rut with the explosive neon moments

I’ve come to not only learn, but accept that this is what life is.  I was driving to work this morning after dropping the little gifts off at daycare, filling the tank with gas, then joining the rest of the rats on the daily race down to work.  It was a brilliant and sunny morning, but it’s just such a mundane and repetitive task … monotonyyyyyyyyyyyyy.  Then I thought about what a great weekend LML and I just had.  We try to take advantage of every opportunity to be together and enjoy ourselves.  I had to do a short work trip to Minneapolis, so he took a day off, we had a coupon for a free short haul flight and he came with me.  It was fun to adventure the Mall of America with him.  Not to mention I got to meet one of my working mom friends (my evil twin) that I’ve known for 8.5 years.  I have bright, vivid neon memories of hanging at that cool mall with them.

When we landed on Saturday, we took off downtown to meet another old friend of mine.  Richard and LML love to talk craft beer, and they’ve even begun trading them.  What was supposed to be an hour drink at BarVolo, turned into a 4 hour visit there prior to heading out on transit for some EPIC BBQ in Greek Town.  I love it when stars align and LML’s friend Derek who happened to be downtown joined us.  Again a brilliant flash of GREAT TIMES OF LIFE. 

My learning from this weekend is that yes, a lot of life is the mundane boring stuff we have to do (commute, grocery shop, laundry, etc.) but if you take every opportunity possible for those neon firework moments, you’ll smile a lot more often during that traffic jam!

sometimes it just sneaks up on me ...

Sometimes it sneaks up on me ... the enormity of it.  How incredibly sweet and all encompassing it is ... 

I love you, more than I could ever possibly put into words.

I love you, more than I could ever adequately express

I love you, more than I could ever say.

But I hope ... oh how desperately I hope.

You feel, just how much I love you.

You are my Alpha, my Omega.  I am me because if you.

I love you!

Things that can’t be unseen

I woke up this morning to yet more breaking news of scandalous crack smoking video of “Mayor” Rob Ford.  Along with that, yet another audio tape drunken stupor of him at a bar.  This difference this time, from ALL the other times is that he’s finally admitted he has a problem and is going to rehab.  WOW.  Ok, I don’t like the man, I think he’s a giant @$$, but his children love him (I’m guessing) and I do hope he manages to get the monkey off his back.  I personally know how hard it is to kick an addition (cigarettes, not crack) so I do wish him well as a human being.  I hope he sobers up, gets clean and goes on to live a QUIET and productive live (if the gods are listening, please let it be out of the spotlight and away from politics). 

As I’m scrolling through my facebook feed at work, I see there’s a link to the transcripts of his drunken stupor tape from Monday night.  Ohhhh, I heard parts of it on the radio this morning, but it was tough to make out through his slurring, and the bleeped out what he said about a competitor in the Mayoral race, so I clicked on the link.  When you do this on the beloved book of face, it drops down more feeds that are associated, and you might find interesting.  It presented me with this.

WHAT.THE.EVER.LOVING.PHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.  But … but … but … where’s the brain bleach?  Good lord, I don’t judge people for what they do in their private lives, but for the love of all things holy, if you’re going to be a public figure, get control of your image.

I’ll never be quite the same after seeing that again.  For the record, I did click through and the post was removed … but that image will live burned in my brain EVERY time I see Rob Ford now.

LML – hold me!

Orange ya glad I finally blogged again?

This weekend LML (Love of My Life) and I went out to see a musical.  He’d never been to one before and I hadn’t been in ages, so we got tickets to a Toronto production of The Sound of Music.  I (as usual) found a deal on the seats, so we were second row near the center!  Yay!  I’ll admit, I was going to have a hard time liking the Maria character because I couldn’t imagine it as ANYONE but Julie Andrews, but the lead did a great job and by the end she had me convinced it was Maria.  Prior to us heading out, I walked by LML and said “ohhh you smell good”.  He’s not a fussy man, and while he’s always clean, he saves the cologne for special occasions, which I LOVE.  The power of scent, I’ve never smelled that Lacoste cologne on anyone else, so to me, it’s HIM!   

Today I was sitting at my desk eating lunch, and I pulled out a small Clementine orange.  I really like the taste of the little ones, and all of a sudden, I closed my eyes and flashed back to my days at Pilot (see “Rant from a Cube”) and I really had a strong feeling of Mama D.  I can’t for the life of me tell you what her name really was, all I ever knew her as was Mama D.  She was a kind, older lady who had a very strong sensitivity to citrus.  She’d actually have to leave the lunch room if someone was peeling an orange.  I actually stopped wearing one of my favourite Body Shop scents – Satsuma, for worry that it would bother Mama D.  I rarely think about Pilot, and haven’t thought about Mama D in 5 years, but enjoying this orange today brought it all back so clearly.  I miss Mama D, and I miss that scent.  I doubt I’ll ever see Mama D again, but I’ll put some shopping time on the schedule upcoming and hit Body Shop for Satsuma!

Depth and definition of friendship

We had an awesome weekend hanging out with some dear friends.  One of the girls from E-guys school has been friends with him since junior kindergarten.  It's a good friendship all around.  Both of the little gifts adore the girl and like playing with her.  She's an only child so it's good for her to have brothers.  The mother and I, while complete polar opposites get along really well.  She enjoys my energy, I enjoy her calmness.  The father is a bit of a nut, but gets along with BBE as they both have a passion for craft beer.  They live about a 10 minute walk from us, and our schedules seem to align nicely with theirs so we get together for dinner and drinks and the kids play and torment the cats.  It's almost Norman Rockwell in it's appearance ... seriously, I feel some times it's just this side of bridge club.

There's just this thing ... something core to my life, my life with BBE, that remains somewhat hidden.  I feel a bit like someone who is gay, and still in the closet.  I've never felt that someone needs to know ALL my details, come on, a bit of mystery is always best, but sometimes I feel like I can't be my authentic me around most people.  It's nothing I hide from BBE, but something we share.  Some of our friends are aware, but most are not.  It's nothing bad ... I'm not drowning kittens in the river, but still, it's something I'm very private about and wonder what this particular set of friends would think if they knew.  I really like this friend, and while I wish she wouldn't judge, but see me as the friend she's enjoyed over the past 4 years, I have a feeling if I revealed my true self, what I always refer to as my "authentic self", it would not go well.  

I'm sitting in the middle of the teeter totter wondering what is better, to hide away that little bit that may be judged, or simply live out loud and be damned the consequences!  Can she truly be my friend when I hold something that is key to who I am back?

From the other side of the train

Sometimes I take the commuter train into work. It's typically on a Friday and usually in the summer to avoid the cottager traffic on the ride home. It's the dead of the never ending winter and I'm taking the train because BBE is picking me up at work and we're going to Toronto for a beerventure. 

I typically sit on the right hand side of the train facing forward in the last car. I get on the train at its second stop so I always get my pick of seats. I can't handle sitting backwards the entire trip and I chose the last car as it's where I jump off to walk to work. But sitting on the right side really is just habit so today I sat on the left. 

Wow the difference is spectacular. Firstly it's the sunny side of the train so I'm sitting here with my sunglasses on. Secondly it seems to be more scenic. Maybe I'm just used to the cows, farms and fields from the other side but this one has lakes and ponds as well. 

Maybe it's the new view, perhaps the sunshine, more likely seeing BBE early today and for the evening but it's made me smile and made for a great start to the day. 

Frozen Canadian Mom Decision Making

I had a better morning today.  I got the munchkins off to daycare without hitting anyone with my car (not to worry, it was just a bumper tap yesterday, no damage), but I realized I was almost out of gas.   The light was on, so I knew I was going to be lucky enough to make it to a gas station, and no further.  Stopped at a light I pull out my phone and check my “Gas Buddy” app.  We have a Costco in town, and it makes our local gas stations a bit more competitive.  So, it looks like gas is $1.279/L ($4.36/G) versus my Ultramar at $1.311/L ($4.47/G).  Ok, so it’s four cents different. That’s typically enough to send me to Costco.  Costco is on the wrong side of the road and lights take forever and only accept cash (debit).  If the difference is less than $0.02 I’ll use Ultramar because I can collect “points” on my Walmart Mastercard that I believe makes it equitable. 

Then I checked the temperature.

It’s -30⁰C (-22⁰F) … so if I go to Costco I have to stand outside, swipe my Costco Card (likely twice to get it to read it), then wait.  Swipe my interact card, and then wait.  Select the amount I want to pre-approve for, confirm that, select which account, and wait.  Then punch in my PIN, and wait to be told to lift the nozzle and fill ‘er up!.  At Ultramar I hop out of the car, wave my Mastercard at the pump and lift the nozzle and fill ‘er up!. 

I went to Ultramar.  Cold trumps money savings!

FYI - average gas price locally is $1.361/L ($4.64/G)

You are my FOREVER

When I fell in love with you, I knew it was real, because all those corny love songs started to take on new meaning and made me think of you.  What amazes me is that I'll still be driving and a song, like this one will start and granted not all the words, but the below ones say it better than I ever could.

Turnaround bright eyes
Turnaround, every now and then I know you'll never be the boy you always wanted to be
Turnaround, every now then I know you'll always be the only boy who wanted me the way that I am
Turnaround, every now and then I know there's no one in the universe as magical and wondrous as you
Turnaround, every now and then I know there's nothing any better
And there's nothing that I just wouldn't do

Turnaround bright eyes, every now and then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, every now and then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever

And we'll only be making it right
'Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight

I know you don't have your dream job, and sometimes you're worried that you're not good enough, but you are PERFECTION for me.  You truly are magic and wondrous.  I can't believe someone as perfect as you not only exists in this world, but works so incredibly hard to make me happy.

You really have made me feel like the luckiest person in the world.  I love you and I'll never stop telling you how magical your are!

Thank you Shawn, for everything.  I mean it now, and forever!

Another fantastic olympics!

Total team ice domination, boys being told to play like girls, because the women lead the way to the top of the podium.  Yes, we're a pretty happy and proud country right now.

Honestly, it's not as sweet as 4 years ago.  This incredible achievement happened thousands of kms away, it wasn't on home soil like 2010, so we're not as close to it.  Four years ago Canadian Pride

The two highlights for me personally was enjoying the Women's gold medal win with my friend in Boston.  She was in a meeting, so I texted her updates.  I gave up when we were down 2-0 in the third, but her meeting was over so she'd watch it at her desk.  Then she texted me that we score ... it felt like a tease.  Then she texted me we were going to overtime!  OMG.  I'm superstitious when it comes to hockey, I let her watch and text me.  The captain had carried the flag for the opening ceremonies, so they were cursed to lose, but then I got the text from her.  Congrats my friend, good game, you won!  OMG Hayley broke the curse and our girls were golden again.  Talk about fighting back, talk about NEVER GIVING UP!  

The second was a bet made by a US Transportation Company for the semi-final game in Mens hockey, USA vs Canada.

EPIC ... this started so much trash talk, and was more important than the beer bets made by the PM and POTUS.   They lost!

Of course I've been hashtagging it #BestHockeyBetEVER!