Doing the mom thing right!

Following my friends on FaceBook, I often do the quizzes that my friends do, just to see how I fair, because the answers are sometimes hysterical or I just want to prove how epically Canadian I am.  Today a friend of mine did a word cloud.  I find these fascinating because it shows the words you often use and the more you use a word, the bigger it is in the cloud. 

Here is mine.

For a minute I was awash with guilt.  While both boys’ names are there, they’re TINY.  I thought “I can’t share that!” what will people think?  That I don’t talk about my kids enough?  Then it hit me.

• I’m not just a mom.
• I’m not just an employee.
• I’m not just a wife.
• I’m not just a family member.
• I’m not just a best friend.
• I’m not just a baseball fan.

I’m many things, all of the above and more.  I don’t live solely for my children and I’m not just “their mom”.  I’m a dynamic person with a lot of passions and apparently a lot of happiness.  BHE and I do a LOT of things together.  We go on adventures, we explore new things, and we get out and about so it’s obvious that he’d be the biggest name.  It’s obvious I’m living my best life full of love and happiness.

There’s no shame in my game.  I love my kids, they’re a very important part of my life and an important part of me, but I don’t live only for them, I live with them and they get to see what a happy and fulfilled parent looks like.  I know they’re happy and well loved and I’m thrilled with the balance and joy in my life.

Trust

It's one word, five letters; yet so powerful, so important, so easily damaged and so hard to repair.   I’ve had trust issues for most of my life.  My father is an ass.  Always has been, always will be.  For the last 20+ years that he’s been completely out of my life has been a blessing.  My ex-husband lost my trust early in the relationship and never even tried to regain it.  He lied, a lot or he’d purposely leave out pertinent information.  I didn’t trust him and it was a huge part of the demise of our marriage. 

In business, I’ve seen a lot of young bucks say “fake it until you make it”.  I remember doing that, I’d make up answers that sounded plausible, but I really didn’t know.  That burned me a few times and one of my best leaders taught me that “I don’t know, but I’ll find out and get back to you” is a WAY better answer than anything else I could say if I didn’t know.  Once people peg you as a liar, you lose their trust, and that’s ridiculously hard to earn back.

TCW (Toxic CoWorker) is a liar.  I’ve caught her a number of times either blatantly lying to cover her ass or getting hyperbolic and blowing things way out of proportion.  Now, I simply ignore her.  I know I can’t trust her.  It’s a shame; a lot of people do trust her and end up getting burned by her over and over again.  I did, in the beginning, but I’ve since learned my lesson.  It really sucks, having to keep your eye on someone who will knife you in the back faster than she’ll even smile at you.  She’s not even subtle about it.  I walked past her bitching about me to FCW (Flakey CoWorker) in FCW’s office with the door open.  She’d not said a word to me, but she’d bitched about me to one of the sales guys (who told me) so I knew what she was complaining about. 

Two weeks ago TCW was out with that Sales Guy and one of our US colleagues.   She’d texted me in the middle of the day “Do you know where Staples HO is?”  *sigh* again, complete lack of manners drives me absolutely bat-shit.  I was tempted to simply ignore her text, but there was no need to punish SG or USC because she’s a cow.  I simply responded with “yes” but at the same time emailed the address to her and SG.  Apparently, she exploded in the car calling me all sorts of names (she didn’t look at her email).  She texted back “please” and I immediately responded with “already emailed it to you”.  She was complaining about what a bitch I was to FCW, I just looked at both of them, smirked and walked away.

She’s taught me that no matter how nice she can appear I cannot trust her.   She also reminds me that I don’t want to lose other people's trust.  It’s very important, and obviously more important that she knows.  I've finally got a marriage based on trust, love and respect.  I've built a reputation at work based on trust, respect and quality.  I know and respect its value.