So … I’m listening to this book …

I really love Laurel K Hamilton. She writes about all sorts of interesting things, vampires, witches, magic, lycanthropes, polyamorous relationships, fairies and goblins and on and on. I tend to listen to the books on audio on my longish commute (about an hour each way). I’ve picked up her books all out of order, but she writes so well, I can enjoy each story individually without being too concerned about the long term story line.




The one I’m currently listening too is called Obsidian Butterfly. It’s got the main character (Anita Blake) in New Mexico hunting some preternatural being. I’m happily listening along when Edward (sociopathic monster hunter) introduces his two backups on this job. Bernardo and Olaf. OMG I almost drove off the road. I actually had to stop listening to book for a bit to calm down. It’s the most creepy of coincidences … and I seldom believe in those.



I grew up in Burlington, Ontario in the 80’s & 90’s and the names Bernardo and Olah were infamous. Two horrific killings in my upper-middle class neighbourhood. It stole some of our innocence … and forced many of us to know that there were monsters out there, not just the ones under my bed.

To further the coincidence, when I went google surfing to ensure that the book (published in 2000) and the crimes (committed early 1990’s) were not timed too closely together, I found a blog post about it … Ter's Blog and you know what? That’s a friend of mine. I looked at the images on the top of the bog and went “crap, that’s Emma” … “oh and there’s Natasha and Joanna”. It affected a lot of us, and it weirds me out a bit when this giant world, a super highway of internet, global reach through technology, and I see blog posts, 2 decades later of some of us still battling our demons.



Perhaps LKH heard the stories, heard the terror and thought they’d make names for two bad guys. Thanks for freaking me the phuck out!

The new age of women.

Ok, so I’ve been thinking lately about the feminazis and traditional roles, etc.   When the oldest gift and I were at the YMCA this week, I was encouraging him to open the doors and ensure he holds them open for everyone.  I think manners are important and these types of things are often lost in today’s busy pace.   The other women at the Y (typically older ones not also distracted by herding their own children around) seem to enjoy watching this and encouraging him too.  I’m a pretty modern girl, most would view me as a feminist, and a forward thinking “I can do for myself” person.  Being raised by a single mother who constantly told me I could do WHATEVER I wanted gave me a great sense of self, but I admit, I’m very impressed when a man holds a door for me, or opens a car door, or helps me with my chair.  I’m sorry chivalry seems dead, but I’m going to do my part to bring it back with the gifts!

On the other side of the coin, I have some male friends (closest being my best friend) and I’m watching these “good guys” be used by women who do it, mostly because they're selfish and self-centered and know they can get away with it.   One I know does it because she’s not paying attention to the impact of what happens beyond her own skin.  She’s a good person at heart, but she’s immature and selfish, and she’s hurting my best friend as a result.  He knows that I’m ready to shred this chick … but I hold my tongue (well not here obviously) and I’ll simply try to be kind to her.

The other guy is a relatively new friend.  He’s got a whole host of issues.  The one that bothers me the most is that his ex-girlfriend, is a total ho-bag.   He’s got a lot on his plate.  He takes care of his twin brother who suffers from brain damage from being a hockey goal (could have gone pro), he was recently diagnosed with epilepsy, so he can’t drive or work at the moment, he had a horrific childhood with his parents (makes mine look like dear old dad was Mary Poppins), and that’s just scratching the surface.   He recently fell for this girl, who we’ll call ho-bag.  She didn’t tell him she lived with her boyfriend, she was cheating, and treating my friend like dirt.  He wears his heart on his sleeve so she took advantage of that, and him.

Yesterday she calls him, she’s miserable, threatening to harm herself if he doesn’t see her.  She’s not good for him, but the “good guy” in him can’t say no, and he likely still has feelings for her.  He waits for her … and waits … and waits … she blows him off.  B!TCH

She calls him this morning, saying she met another guy last night, spent the night with him (yes, she still has her boyfriend), and could he loan her some money so she can hang out with this new guy some more?  WH0RE!

My direct words to him are:

Ignore her.  Do not respond.  Hang up.  Delete emails … do NOT feed this troll.  You deserve better.

Seriously … when did the girls turn into playa’s?  I’d say absolute DOGS, but dogs are more loyal and caring.  When I was growing up (yes, I’m old) the GUYS were this type of slime and the girls got screwed.  When did it reverse?  When did these girls become predators to my “nice guy” friends? 

I now, completely, understand the term “b!tch-slap” because I’m dying to do it now.

bamboo and a four leaf clover

I learned by the end of yesterday is that all you need to turn your day around is some bamboo and a four leaf clover.  They're both symbols of good luck, and combine the two and you have a force that can skyrocket you into the stratosphere.

Thank goodness for my own private diary to work things out ...

Not that anyone reads this, so I get to mentally purge here ... it's my safe place.


Right now I'm struggling.  Obviously this week didn't start well (per yesterday's post).  I'm facing one of my best friends leaving again.  Just because it's not the end of the world, doesn't mean it doesn't suck, and it doesn't hurt. But while I'm working on that, an number of other things are bugging me.


Husband ~ I love you, I REALLY do ... but the next time you take a pot shot and call me my father, I may punch you in the face.  I get that you're mad at me.  I get that I'm pissing you off.  I get that I'm not perfect ... but sweetheart ... have a peek in the mirror and perhaps you'll understand some of how I'm feeling.  Try participating in our life ... it's not a spectator sport ... or worse yet, something you can get the highlights on at your convenience.


Wine friend ~ I love you too.  I understand you've recently made a large and dramatic change in your life.  I know the recent diagnoses of your oldest gift is an adjustment.  I know that things are different for you now.  But you need to speak to me without being a royal flaming bitch ... or I'm just going to stop talking to you.  I need to surround myself with positive people who add to my life.  I stopped walking on eggshells 4 months ago when the psycho left, I'm not willing to start it again.


To the girl trainer ~ ok honey, I really care for you ... but I'm not "smitten" with you like the others are ... so when you're a spoiled little brat, I just want to tell you to fuck off and grow the fuck up.  You're NOT reaching out to people, you're throwing a tantrum ... better than the littlest gift even does.  Your threats of "I get bored with people" are fine with me.  Don't threaten, grow up and realize that people care for you or be a baby and continue on your sporadic, directionless waste of a life.   You can be a beautiful, brilliant, talented, charismatic woman ... but right now ... your not any of those things.  Your choice, I'm leaving you be until you grow up.


I'm trying to do a lot right now.  I'm trying to get over a cold.  I'm trying to get healthy.  I'm trying to stay off the cancer sticks.  I'm trying to reduce my alcohol intake.  I'm trying to rock my job.  I'm trying to be a wife, a mom, an employee, a friend ...

A little piece of my heart is leaving ....

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” - Mark Twain

I’m having a hard day. My dear friend, my rock, my conscience and often the missing part of my brain is leaving. I’m not sure if she’s a gypsy, a sailor or simply too stubborn to settle down, but she’s decided to move to the other side of the world … again. She left a few years ago for a job opportunity in Argentina. It was a big step, as she was not only changing her location, she we forging ahead into a life that not even she was 100% that she was ready for. But in her typical strong, brave and elegant style, she sauntered into the sunset to follow her dreams. She was gone for what seemed like forever but was less than 2 years. She came back to visit a few times. We remained close on email, and eventually she came home … a changed woman, for the better.


When she was back, we grew even closer. I introduced her to the rest of my life, and with as much trepidation as there was, I think it was a good thing for both of us in the long run. I showed her, that she could be view as simply a beautiful woman to a very “leave it to beaver” kind of family; that as different as she may be, she’s simply my beautiful friend, and my family came to cherish her too.


She’s my sounding board. Often trying to point out the blatant obvious realities I so often miss seeing. To settle me down when I get too rambunctious, and pick me up when I wallow. I know we will continue to be friends, be close, whether we’re 100 kms apart or 15,000 kms apart she will always be part of my life, always be part of my heart and always be in my soul.


I’ll miss seeing her beautiful face … but at least my glassware is safe for a while.


I love you Michaela, enjoy your adventure, but hurry home.






Sailors pray,
For fair winds and a following sea


The smell of salt in the air,
The feel of their skin as it's touched by the spray


An albatross soaring above,
Dolphins in the ship's wake at play


To witness a work of art that only God can create,
The sunset at the end of day


At night a million stars in the sky,
Safe anchorage in an islands lee


When the time comes to die as for all it must,
To awake in Sailors Heaven where nothing ever rusts


And always there would be,
Fair winds and a following sea

My latest addiction

I have a very addictive personality; this is no secret to those who know me. I’ve battled the coffin nails (cigarettes) for most of my life (I’m 3 months clean and going strong). I also addict to food; back when I was working as an Assistant Buyer for a classical music company, I ate a ham and cheese sub from the SAME sub shop every day for 1.5 YEARS. To this day, that’s still my favourite type of sub.




I also someone addict myself to people. If I find someone that I REALLY like, that I get along with REALLY well, then I want to be around them as much as possible. I smile every time I hear “This Afternoon” by Nickelback, because my favourite line is “from the moment I wake up, I just love being with my friends”. It rings so true, when I’m not working and not sleeping, all I want to do is hang out with my friends and family. My trainer (Shawn) has become a good friend and I love not only hanging out with him at the gym but just about anywhere else, he’s an awesome guy and a blast to hang out with.



But my latest addiction is working out. My facebook friends warned me it would become an addiction. I didn’t believe them, even knowing MY addictive personality. But it’s true. Here I am on day three of not working out and I cannot WAIT to get out of here tonight and get to the gym (shame Shawn’s on nights so I’m on my own). I went to an AMAZING concert on Tuesday and then out for a birthday dinner with an old friend (older now ;-) last night, so there hasn’t been time. I’m tired today, my throat’s sore, I should go home and sleep, but ALL I can think of is “I wonder if I can cut out a tad early and hit the gym for a bit longer”. Yep, I’m hooked.



That and my SACW (Super Awesome Co Worker) just had a 10 minute conversation on the best vibrators and lubes … ahhhhh I love my addictions!