I’m Canadian; the jokes about how we are always so quick to apologise are prevalent. When you bump into a Canadian, they apologise to you … that’s how we roll. However, I know from past experience this isn’t always true. Manners are a big thing for me. I say please and thank you if I think I’ve offended or hurt someone I’m the first to apologise. I’ve taught the boys that it’s okay to make mistakes, be wrong, but make sure you’re sorry for it and express it. My ex-husband is TERRIBLE for this. He’d NEVER apologise and it made me feel like crap. I once called him out on it and he actually said: “really, we’ve been together long enough we don’t have to do that” … what … be kind … respectful? Ergo one of the many reasons he’s the ex-husband. BestHusbandEver always apologises; if we’re arguing (which is rare), he’ll stop, think about things and apologise if appropriate. To this day it still catches me off guard, and I love it.
I had a situation this week where an apology would have gone a LONG way, but it didn’t happen. I was hosting Girls Night In for 3 friends. We try to get together once every couple of months. Last month it was an impromptu night with one of the girls, so I hosted. We had a great time, so we decided to repeat it for this month. Schedules are tricky, I try to make it when BHE is on nights and the gifts are at their dads' so we can enjoy ourselves uninterrupted. We set everything up via email and Facebook messenger. It was all a go. It’s a lot of work, I work 8.5 hours a day, have 2 hours of commuting, on the way home I stopped at the store and picked up $60 worth of meats, cheese, dips, fruit, veg, etc to nibble on. I get home, empty the dishwasher, tidy the front room, look after the pets in need, tidy the living room, set up the food plates and am ready for the girls to show up at 6:30.
*cue ticking clock*
I get a text message from M. She’s a part-time WFH mother. She loved this date because her husband was off for the week (March Break) so she could be on time. She kindly kept me up to date on her progress “just leaving in 15” … “be there soon” … “just picking up wine” … and she arrived at 7:30.
About 8:00 we get a FB message from C “OMG I totally gapped, I’m stuck at work, we’re really busy”. That was all. No apology, just that. C and her husband own a pub and act like they have children as they have two dogs. She BARELY works, and we picked this night specifically because it was good for her. I was annoyed.
I’d texted K at 7:30 asking if she was still coming … and didn’t hear back until 8:30. “I’m just leaving work from a meeting that went way overdue L” K works part time for a brewery, no kids … seriously? BHE even made her a fresh loaf of Rye Bread because she loves it.
How hard is it to put a reminder in your calendar? How hard is it to say “I’m sorry, I’m late or I can’t make it” … or just “I’m sorry”. I wonder if it’s because the plans were made in cyber-space so people think they don’t matter. When did common courtesy become so uncommon? What their actions told me was “you don’t matter, your feelings don’t matter” and that hurts.
Needless to say, I’m going to take a bit of a break from K & C. I’m not going to be mean or rude; I’m just going to take my foot off the gas in an effort to reach out. I love organising big or small social events … I just hate it when your guests suck.
