Wednesday, December 18, 2013

A reason, but is it the right one?

I’ve been hearing on the news that the Salvation Army (Canada) is very short of their fund raising goals.  From the Toronto Sun today, the goal is $21 million and they’ve raised $11.4 million, leaving them $9.6 million dollars short.  From what they’ve been saying on the radio, SA state that it’s because we’ve become a cashless society.  Hmmmm, that may be part of it, but I don’t think that’s the whole story folks.    At the bottom of a recent article, there’s a poll, will you donate?  55% said they haven’t and don’t plan too.  I have a hard time walking by the kettles (I have ALWAYS given them my change over the holiday season) but this time, this year, and going forward I’ve chosen NOT to.   It’s not that I can’t afford it; I’m actually in a better place financially.  It’s not that I don’t believe in charity (they were doing a GREAT one at my local grocery store, buying toys for kids), but rather, I choose not to donate money to an organization that is unapologetically anti-human rights.


Wait … wut?  Hey Techy, are you a little too far into the nog?  It’s a CHARITY, should it be ALL ABOUT human rights?  Yep, that’s what I think, so that’s why I won’t support SallyAnn!  They are against GLBT Rights Globally.  When I walk by one of the kettles, or see the band playing, it brings me back to my childhood and my Grandfather who first explained who these people are, what they do and why it’s important.  My Grandfather was a very proper old Scottish Gentleman, but I think even he would be greatly disappointed at this wonderful organization discriminating against someone solely based on who you love.  He and my Grandmother married against both their parents’ wishes due to conflicting religions, so he understand being judged and discriminated based on something. 


So my dear SallyAnn, while I applaud your efforts to increase you technical savvy with a virtual kettle, perhaps you should come ALL the way into the 21st Century and go for some human rights equality!

Thursday, December 12, 2013

When a plan comes together.

Today, in my facebook feed, there was a huffington post article on how to help anxious kids with worry.  I decided to bookmark the article to read at lunch as the eldest gift can get anxious sometimes.  It’s nothing horrible, just sometimes he worries about stuff.  Then I thought back to when I was a kid, and what did I worry about.  The first thing that came to mind was the TV show “Buck Rogers in the 25th Century” and that the world was going to “end” in 1984 due to nuclear war.   It ran from 1979 to 1981, so I was 7-9 while it was on, similar to the eldest gifts current age.  In the show, the main character Buck Rogers (played by Gil Gerard) was an astronaut that left earth before the destruction in 1984 and was frozen in space for 500 years.  I remember; very vividly worrying that somehow this was more of a documentary than a fictional TV show.  I remember worrying that the world would end in 1984.  Of course, by the time 1984 came and went, the show was off the air and sometime during 1985 I thought “hey, we made it, we’re okay” … and life didn’t end.
However, the difference is that my life; or more accurately the core of my life that makes me ridiculously happy began in 1984.  BBE was born that year, of course I didn’t know it then, only really making the connection now, but what caused me great anxiety in my youth, has resulted in my happiness as an adult. 


So here’s to you Buck Rogers (who is currently in cryostasus somewhere out there to wake up in about 480 years), for giving me food for thought, and yet again, a reason to smile.

Monday, December 2, 2013

A weekend of discovery


Well, this past weekend was supposed to be about BBE’s work Christmas Party.  While we were in the cozy Amsterdam Brewhouse enjoying our flight of Tempest Stouts and some delicious food, he asks me “How would you feel if we didn’t go to the Party tonight and just hung out”.  OH HELL YES PLEASE!  It’s not that I don’t want to know his coworkers, a few of them (just from the stories) I’m actually rather interested in meeting, but I don’t really like sharing my time with him, and given the opportunity, YES I’m going to jump at the chance to have him all to myself!  That’s when we also realized the tickets were still safely hanging from the fridge. 

Yay, I get a whole weekend and I don’t have to share him.  The gifts were with their father and we had NOTHING else planned until 6:00 pm Sunday evening.  It’s time to chat!  We have talks about how things are, how things are going.  If there’s anything bothering either of us, if anything is missing.  We haven’t had one of these talks in AGES so it felt awesome to be able to resume it.  One of the things we talked about is that BBE considers himself to be an Introvert.  That really surprised me because I find him incredibly outgoing and charismatic (traits not often associated with an introvert).  He sent me this image via facebook and I had a read over.



Many of the points I consider common courtesy and wouldn’t do to ANYONE, being introverted or extroverted!
1.    Respect their need for privacy
2.    Never embarrass them in public
3.    Let them observe first in new situations
4.    Give them time to think, don’t demand instant answers
5.    Don’t interrupt them
6.    Give them advance notice of expected changes in their lives
7.    Give them 15 minutes warning to finish whatever they’re doing
8.    Reprimand them privately
9.    Teach them new skills privately
10.  Enable them to find ONE best friend who has similar interests & abilities
11.  Don’t push them to make lots of friends
12.  Respect their Introversions and don’t try to remake them into an Extrovert.

Ok, so here’s what I think. 

#1 & #2 that should be everyone.  You should always respect people’s privacy and NEVER embarrass anyone in public.  However, I’m a loud extrovert, if I embarrass him, it will be unintentional, but I’ll try to watch it.

#3 Ok, this is food for thought.  I tend to jump into most situations (often without a clue) and will stumble around until I figure it out.  Perhaps I should try to observe first too, it sounds like a WAY smarter way of doing things.

#4 this one is hard for me.  When I want to know something I can be pretty darned impatient.  However, I have learned that when I ask something (regarding feelings or sensitive topic) I’m best served to give him time to think about his answer.  We have MUCH better communication that way and fewer misunderstandings.

#5 this one should go for anyone.  It’s a sign of respect to listen and NOT interrupt.  As well, when you interrupt you’re not ACTIVELY listening to what someone is saying, you’re just trying to be heard.

#6 yes, this one is hard.  With two full time employed people with commutes and two active boys, sometimes things have to be done on the fly.  We try to organize and anticipate as much as possible, but this one will likely be an ongoing challenge.

#7 he HATES it when I act like I expect him to drop what he’s doing when I say something.  Of course he does, that’s RUDE.  Wow, extroverts are a royal PITA huh?

#8 I would NEVER reprimand him, publically or privately, but I address anything private … PRIVATELY.

#9 hey, you don’t need to know what goes on behind closed doors!  :-P

#10 fortunately for this extrovert, that introvert is also my best friend <3 o:p="">

#11 I don’t push him to do anything. 

#12 we’ve already got 3 extroverts in the house, I’m so grateful we’ve got this amazing introvert to keep us all sane.



I have some on line friends that are Introverts, but I’ve usually been surrounded by other type A extroverts all my life, so I find these types of learning’s very valuable!  

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Is it bad how cheap I am?

Did the pendulum swing too far the other way?  I went from being horrifically in debt, to being mostly debt free (with the exception of the house mortgage, and that’ll be done in ~ 10 years) and with a decent savings.  I’m also on a path of decent retirement savings.  When a startling $4K bill comes up (damned those taxes … free healthcare my aunt fanny) I can pay it without missing a beat.  It’s obviously VERY different from where I was.  That being said, have I gone too far?

I’m responsible for managing the household finances.  That lays solely on me.  I need to monitor what comes in and what goes out.  A lot of people take on this task, it’s an important job and one I actually enjoy doing.  However, I’ve come to a point that I feel like I’m becoming a cheapskate.  This past weekend, I spent $50 on tights / stockings.  I haven’t spent that much money on tights or stockings in over a decade.  I like them, they’ll keep me warm, BBE loves the look of them, there’s no draw back … but …

They weren’t on sale.  I frivolously spent $50 on something I should have waited until it went on sale.  I look at the bank statement and that number LEAPS off the page and SMACKS me in the face.  SELFISH, SELFISH, SELFISH.  I’m feeling guilty.  We need to save up for when stuff breaks, when the vehicles need service or repairs, when the boys want to take dance class.  We need to make sure we’re planning for everything.


Where’s the healthy balance?  Between being frivolous and being frugal?  

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Those moments in time

Tomorrow (November 22) marks the 50th anniversary of the assassination of JFK.  I grew up hearing my mother talk about when she heard the news.  She was 16 and how she’ll never forget the moment the world stopped to discover this tragedy.  She also talked about finding out Elvis had died, so I guess the impact of items affect people differently.

This got me thinking, what were the impactful moments of my life?  Where was I, what was I doing?  What is that crystal clear memory of an important event in my life?

1.    The Challenger Explosion.  I was in grade 8 and we were watching the launch live in class.   It was a split class, Mrs. Wynens class, and we were sitting on desks watching the big TV at the front of the class.  The teacher was sitting at her desk watching and there was a low level mumble of kids’ half paying attention and half talking.  Then, the explosion and absolute silence.  30 kids simultaneously looked at the teacher for an explanation that no one could possibly have had.  I remember she was frozen in shock too.

2.    Finding out the verdict in the OJ Simpson trial.  I was driving to work in Oakville.  I was puttering my Hyundai pony along Spears road in Oakville and I heard the “Not Guilty” over and over again.  I was YELLING at the radio.  “NO WAY” …. “OMG are you KIDDING ME?”  Dammit, those gloves FIT!

3.    9/11.  Likely the biggest event of my lifetime.  One that changed the course of history.  It took away our innocence and naiveté that we were safe within our own boarders.  I was working for a computer networking company but from my home office.  I’d just returned from a trade show 3 days prior.  I was walking back and forth between my office and my bedroom (where the tv was).  I liked having the TV on, just for background noise so I didn’t feel so alone.  I typically had a morning show, or Oprah, something light … but the sounds coming from the bedroom were different.  I went into the bedroom and there was this horrible movie on tv, so I changed the channel.  Wait, this stupid action movie is on all the channels, WTF?  Then I heard the announcer’s voice and realized it was the news.  I sat on the edge of the bed to figure out what was going on, and watched the second plane fly into the tower.  My jaw dropped, then they said words I’ve never heard before “We’re under attack”.  I was receiving concerned calls from family to make sure I was home from my last trip, and remembered spending the day tracking down colleagues and customers to make sure everyone I knew was safe.


These are three life changing events that I can close my eyes and go back in time as if they just happened moments ago.  They not only changed the world, each of them changed me.  Taking a little of my innocence, showing me the ugly part of the world, but also teaching me about the fragility of life.  How precious it is and how we must love it, celebrate it and most of all LIVE IT!

*Please note, I struggled with the image for this blog.  I had some pretty gruesome pictures of the twin towers, but opted for the Challenger explosion.  I still am not ready for the 9/11 images and I don't want OJ on my blog.

Friday, October 18, 2013

You are BEAUTIFUL!


Obviously my weight and body image has been on my mind (see last post).  BBE is INCREDIBLY supportive (as he truly understands body image issues) and suggests ideas without making me feel guilty for not executing them for my “excuses”.  Again (like always) BBE just rocks. 
I’m reading an article, one of many that speaks to me, on “how to be happy”.  I nod and smile as I’ve learned some of these incredible truths in the past few years, not worrying what others thing, that failure is often where growth comes from, etc. but one line today jumped right off the computer screen at me.

8. The pretty girls get all the good stuff. Oh, God. So not true. I unlearned this after years of coaching beautiful clients. Yes, these lovelies get preferential treatment in most life scenarios, but there's a catch: While everyone's looking at them, virtually no one sees them. Almost every gorgeous client had a husband who'd married her breasts and jawline without ever noticing her soul.

Wow … just wow.  I read that through a few times and let the reality really sink in.  In my previous life I often complained I felt like a pay cheque and a piece of furniture.  I know how hard it is when someone doesn’t appreciate or care about what you truly offer.  While BBE often tells me I’m beautiful, he makes me feel it.  I know he’s not just looking at exterior beauty, but that which shines from within.  From me being so proud of myself for managing our house, and saving us money on things we spend on.  From working to clean up the boys bathroom (but I left the clogged toilet in the boys room to him, he’s magical, I am not), to just getting the mundane tasks done.  When I have no makeup on, I’ve got my hair pulled back and I’m in filthy sweats, he not only tells me I’m beautiful, but he makes me believe it.

He loves me, for more than just my killer smile and pretty eyes, he’s with me for my mind, body and soul … and I am luckier than most people on the planet because of this.


Here’s the link to the enture article, it’s a good read!  

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

The mommy wars, FAT version.


I belong to an amazing group of women.  We met on a site 8+ years ago, and when that site did some upgrades, we migrated to a FB page.  It’s very LOW drama, and generally the women there get along and are helpful and supportive.  I’m not saying we all sign kumbai and cyber hold hands, but based on some other “private” groups I’ve seen, we really do this well. 

A few days ago I posted a WWYD (What Would You Do) regarding custody, favours and history with an ex-spouse.  While I was expecting a bit of a kick in the pants (I love these women because along with kind, they’re generally honest) but one of the moms (honestly the one I expected it from the least) went off the deep end and cyber ”tore me a new one”.  Ok, she must have been having a bad day.  I responded to her post with what I hoped was cool kindness, and the situation seemed relatively diffused.  Life goes on, no big deal.

Today one of the mom’s posted an interesting article from a fitness mom (that’s her job, she’ works in a health club) with a muscle toned body and her three young boys with the title “What’s your excuse?”  She wanted to know how we all felt about it.  It was pretty common that “what’s your excuse” as a motivator is negative, but things that motivate people to get into shape are generally good.  So … “good for her, but I’m never going to look like that” was the most common consensus.  Ok, if I worked 8 hours a day in a gym, I would EXPECT to be in great shape.  But I don’t.  I work 9.5 hours a day at a computer, drive 2.5 hours a day (with no traffic, weather or accidents) for work.  I need to sleep at least 9 hours a night, that leaves me 3 hours.  Oh yes, I like to spend time with my boys, pack their lunches, organize their clothes, do laundry, eat, clean the house …. Ok, I have exactly 1.5 minutes per day to work out.  Is that an excuse?  Well, I could work out on weekends, or on weeks the boys are at their fathers, but sometimes I just need to chill!  It’s not an excuse, it’s a matter of priorities, and apparently, at the moment, my priority isn’t to enter the Ms World contest. 

I wonder if the woman in the picture goes home and works out more?  When she’s done working for the day is she developing exceptional brand presentations to further the company’s corporate goals?  No … really then, what is her excuse?


Ok, my rant about that done, but back to my women’s group.  I was good when it was all “good for her, but I don’t have time”.  Then some of the mom’s are like “oh I hate it when people say they don’t have time, they’re just not making it a priority.  GEEEEZZZZ.  Ok, I made time for it last year, worked out 3 hours a day 6 days a week because I had the buffer to do it (was still living with exh and he would be home with the kids).  I don’t have time, could I do more?  Sure, will I look that that woman, or any person whose JOB it is to work on their body?  Nope, so lay off the “you have the time, you choose not to make it a priority” lines, that’s obnoxious.

Monday, October 7, 2013

So many conflicting emotions

It was a tough weekend, and it was because of cancer.  On Friday of last week, I took a darling 5 year old bundle of purrrr and love and had him put down because of Lymphoma.  He’d dropped a LOT of weight and was literally skin, bones and fur.  He was horribly dehydrated and it was because he likely hadn’t eaten or drank anything for a few days.  The lump was in his throat and it was obvious he was exhausted.  He’d been hiding in the lil’est gifts closet during the day and then snuggling with me when I watched tv at night.  Having had another (older) cat have cancer, I recognized the signs and new taking him in I was likely going to say goodbye to him.
Darling BBE was working evening shift and told me over and over that we had the funds to help him.  Not to worry about the money.  He’s a cat lover as well, but he was watching me agonize over the pain this poor animal was in.  I was there by myself (although I know he would have been there with me if he could have been) and I had to make the decision, either euthanize him or treat him.   When the doctor said “cancer” she asked what I wanted to do next and honestly I didn’t even think, I simply said “we should let him go”.  It was out of my mouth before I knew what I was saying.
Going home with an empty cage was very painful.  Every time I looked at it, I broke down crying again.  My instincts had told me I’d done the right thimg for Myles, but I was starting to second guess myself.  Was I selfish?  Was I being cheap?  Should I at least have TRIED some options if there were any, hell, shouldn’t I at least have asked?  Yep, the guilt was starting to get me.  Fortunately for me, BBE came home from work early.  He wouldn’t hear any of my “oh don’t worry about me, I’m fine” protest, I was a mess, and he knew that, and he wanted to be with me.
I was going about what was planned to be a fun and adventurous weekend, trying not to dwell on the guilt that was bothering me, then, out of the blue, my former sister-in-law called me.  She had a question that was work related for me, but also told me how her cat (16 years old) had been diagnosed with the same illness in early September.  When she and her daughter (my 26 year old niece) found out, they weren’t ready to say goodbye and opted for treatment.  She told me about the steroid shots and pain killers … and how it was simply heartbreaking to watch her suffer for another two weeks.  At the end of two weeks, they decided to say goodbye to their beloved cat.  She praised me for my strength in making a difficult and selfless decision.  Wow, that was EXACTLY what I needed to hear.  She not only saved my weekend, but picked me up enough that I was ready to go out and get another little bundle of purring love.  I have my beautiful little torti tabby adjusting to my house in the bathroom.

Coincidentally, it was the “Run for the Cure”, a race to raise funds for cancer research.  This same former sister-in-law ran with my other former sister-in-laws, one who is a breast cancer survivor.  I get it, we need to fight for a cure, and I’m so happy my former sister-in-law beat this horrible disease, when fighting makes sense, god dammit FIGHT!  But when it’s truly the end, why are we more “humane” to animals, allowing them to peacefully and gracefully end their suffering.  I hope (god forbid) I’m ever struck with a terminal illness, that we have the HUMANITY to end suffering.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Reason 4,248 why the mean girls hate me

I’ve worked here for just shy of 2 years.  The department was in chaos when I first started.  One person (who I replaced) retired with no notice a couple of months prior and another was off on “stress level”.  That left TCW (toxic coworker) trying to hold down the fort and during my interview, act as if nothing was wrong.  She actually did a good job and it earned her Senior to her title earlier this year.    Then FCW (flakey coworker) was promoted into the stress puppy’s job and everything seemed right with the world.  Three women, ready to take our industry by storm.  We had lunch together every day, chit chatted a lot, griped about husbands (A LOT) and basically were thick as thieves. 

After about 6 months things changed, and rather dramatically; I decided that I needed to stop bitching about my life (specifically my marriage) and CHOOSE to be happy.   No one was going to do it for me; I had to do it myself.  So, I separated from my then-husband, buckled down at work and did an awesome launch, focused on me, my health, my best friend, my kids and my job.  It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it.

Now life is very different, I’m SPOILED with love.  Those who truly love me and are my friends are thrilled to see me so happy.  I’m enjoying my job, I have a VERY busy schedule with my kids and the love of my life.  We do things together.  We go to Toronto to our favourite brew pubs and bistros.  We attend beer and / or wine tasting events.  We explore, we’re having fun, all of it together or together with the kids.  Today we had a babyshower lunch for and awesome coworkers.  This awesome coworker has met (and had lunch with) my boyfriend and since he was on nights, I invited him to the lunch as well, I knew ACW would like that.  Of course when TCW & FCW walked in they were surprised.  Even thought TCW’s husband had worked with our company for a year (recently) she NEVER would have invited him. 


The problem is, they’re women stuck in relationships that aren’t working for them.  TCW has made it clear (to me during the friendly times) that she’s just sticking it out for the kids.  When her youngest goes off to University (5 years from now) she plans on handing her husband walking papers.  WOW.  FCW cycles through liking her partner and hating him.  I think they’re poorly matched, but he’s cute and makes good money, so she’s putting up with it.  She really doesn’t think life could be better.  Now they’re watching me happy in love and spoiled rotten.  They will make snide remarks which I usually ignore, but their faces today, that I include my love in on this celebration was priceless.  Yep, bite me biotches!  I’ve chosen to be happy and go ahead and hate me for it.  Hate me because I’m beautiful too!

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Where does the time go?

Seriously, where does the time go?  I don’t spend my weeks wishing for the weekends.  I don’t obsess on making work go by quickly to get to vacation time.  I don’t wish my life away, but it seems like the clock is spinning faster and faster these days.  Admittedly part of the reason I haven’t blogged lately was access issues (that’ll teach me to let the eldest gift have my google account on his tablet device), but I’ve got it back now and it’s time to blog.

I had a truly unique and wonderful experience today.  As a working mother, while I’m not racked with guilt, I do miss out on a lot of what goes on in the classroom with the gifts.  I help them with assignments and prepare for presentations but only hear how they go afterwards from the boys.  I get “it was okay” or “I don’t remember” … so it’s something I always miss out on.

Not today, and it was such a treat.  The eldest gift is in a very technology centric class (grade three and he’s required to have a tablet device with a camera).  I thought this was a bit excessive, but today I realized how great it is … FOR ME … that he has this.  The teacher videoed his “About Me” presentation, marked it and posted it to his google drive.  I logged on today from work and watched the presentation and saw the marks.  It was INCREDIBLE.  Instead of the not-focused, quiet spoken, goofy kid he was confident and articulate.  He put in some great detail into his presentation and spoke clearly.  He did well and the teachers’ comments and marks reflected that.  I was amazing to see how confident, well spoken and creative he is.  I was bursting with pride and joy.  What a gift to a working mother who misses her boys, but to have a video of a presentation he did for class! 


I’m one happy beanie spinning mom today!

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

I should have checked my fortune stones!


I purchased fortune stones (fortune telling) at GenCon last week.  Apparently I should have checked them this morning as they likely would have advised me to stay in bed.  My first day back to work started off with the complete inability to drag my exhausted butt outta bed.  That’ll teach me to sleep into 10:00 am for over a week.  *yawn*.  Then it would appear that I switched my razor with a cheese grater in my bathroom as I did an AWESOME job of bloodying my legs this morning.  GROSS.  Seriously, blood running down BOTH shins.  Jackson thought the large pieces of red tissue paper stuck to my shins this morning was fascinating.  I likely should have put pants on, but I was running late and already had a skirt picked out for the day.

After herding the boys into the truck (this was actually one of the easier parts of my day) I managed to drop my new water bottle (metal and FULL of water) on to previously mentioned bleeding shin and eventually my foot (clad only in sandals)  OUCH … @#&$*&@^$*@#. 

Did I mention that I’m fighting Con Crud too?  My throat feels like I’ve gargled with razor blades (so THAT’S where the blades went and the reason I had to use the cheese grater on my legs) … *sigh*. 

Fortunately there were no disastrous accidents or traffic delays on the way into work, but I did need to drop the truck off (we’ve been trying to get it Eco-certified for my license renew – due next week) and I informed the mechanic of my joyous ride home last time I picked it up (stalled a dozen times going home during BRUTAL traffic)AND the engine light was still on.  I have until Friday to get this sorted out or I’ll be taking transit to work!  He promptly informed me it may be time to call in a priest.  NO!  I love my truck … fix it!


So, I finally get to work and one of my coworkers is parked in my boss’ spot.  Hmmmm apparently boss is on vacation (again) and I haven’t seen him since July.  He was off, and then I was off, now he’s off again.  He’s emailing me for updates as I’m sure his boss is looking for them so that’s going to take a while to type out … of course the answer to most of them is “I don’t know, let me catch up from vacation”.   It’s also deathly quiet in the office.  My two coworkers don’t appear to be in a good mood, as neither is talking to the other (one is ALWAYS in the other’s office gabbing) and neither are talking to me.  Good news is, no one is bothering me while I catch up, bad news is that the vibe in here is pretty negative.  

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

The divorce is the easy part


So it’s been a year, since the paperwork on the separation was done.  August 1, 2012 is when we agreed to legally separate.  We’ve been separated (emotionally) for YEARS prior to that.  We both stayed for a long time, out of fear, out of loyalty, out of laziness.  There’s one reason that people get married, wanting a life together (for love, for family, for company or companionship) but there are a thousand of reasons to get divorced. 

I learned that the actual divorce is the easy party.   I did the separation paperwork.  We were mired in debt, and the thought of spending thousands more on an attorney was just beyond me.  So, I did some online research and discovered I can do what was referred too as a “kitchen table separation agreement”.   It wasn’t too bad in the beginning; it helped me get a handle on the assets (few) and debts (many).  I had help from friends regarding pensions and values of property.  It got ugly when I had to inventory everything in the house and assign a value to it.  The arguments ensued.  No one wanted to feel taken advantage of.  It was taking 20 years of a life together, assigning value when there was no value left in the relationship.  The separation was the hard part.  You have to itemize and valuate things, when you’re feeling raw, angry, frustrated, hurt, and sad and then you begin to feel hopeful, excited, and eager to move forward.  It’s a hard thing to do, but it needs to be done as it helps heal the wounds and propels you forward to a new and much better life.

Now, a year later, I’m back to doing my research again.  I don’t want to pay a lawyer $2K to file paperwork I can take a day and do myself.  I called a few lawyers and they want me to start at step one again.  They want financial statements, working out assets, etc, I’ve DONE that.  Those wounds have healed and I don’t feel like opening them up again.  I think he and I did a pretty good job at being equitable and fair.  No one feels ripped off, and that’s a good place.  We’re almost friends now.  We can ask favours of each other, and if it’s possible we each do it.  We’ve both moved on, knowing we will always be co-parents to those amazing boys, and it’s a good place to be.  I want to move forward.  I’ve built myself a great life with the love of my life who is also my best friend.  I have a relationship built on mutual trust, respect, honesty and love.  We’re partners in EVERYTHING.  We’re on the same team when it comes to life, work, kids, friends, family, EVERYTHING.  He’s someone I can talk to, be open and honest with, about me, my thoughts, feelings, desires, needs.  He not only listens to me, but does his best to fulfill everything.  I’m not coming through a divorce negative about love or marriage, but finally hopeful and believing in it!


I spent so many years afraid to move, now, I feel I can fly.  I finished the divorce paperwork in about 2 hours.  I’ve spoken to the ex about it.  About serving papers, costs, etc.  He’s always been willing to let me take the lead on executing things, and he’s agreeable with this.  I just need to double check my work, grab supporting documents, and hit the courts.  I’m ready too, I’m ready to be completely unfetter to move forward to the life I want!

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Actually taking vacation


Ok, I did it.  For the first time in recent memory I took a full week’s vacation … and not only that, I went unplugged from work.  Anyone that knows me knows I’m a bit of a workaholic control freak!  My iPhone is NEVER far from my side, save the shower, and then it’s on the bathroom counter.  I keep the volume turned on if I actually let one of the gifts play with it, and they know, without question or hesitation that if it makes the “bing” sound, they must hand it back to me immediately so I can check it.  This is how I live, and I’m used to it.

The Saturday of my first night of vacation we had some friends over.  Friends that we’d met through the oldest gifts class.  He and she had been in class together since JK and they’ve just completed grade 2.  Her mother is a SAHM, and is rather introverted and shy.  Yep, she is the polar opposite of me, but her husband is very outgoing and charismatic, so I think she likes that I’m bit like him.  She asked me what I do about work when I’m on vacation.  Well, I usually check my email, but I’d already warned work that BBE was going to throw my phone in the St Lawrence while we were in Montreal if I worked, so I did the unthinkable.  I disabled my work email from my iPhone.  I thought I’d start shaking and sweating, but the liquid courage (in the form of a lovely Sauvignon Blanc) gave me courage.  I figured I’d wake up with a hangover and a giant regret as I scrambled to reconnect my email to my lifeline, however, neither happened the next morning.  I woke up feeling refreshed and excited about a week free of work.

I did it, and it was FREEING.  I reconnected my email to my iPhone (for the record, it’s my personal iPhone as the company does not provide me with one and it’s completely my choice to stay connected as I do).  They’re used to me checking my emails while not at work, and everyone spoke to me upon my return as if I was 100% up to date and in the loop.  I wasn’t, and I just smiled, managed through my 8:00 am communications meeting the morning I returned throwing out phrases like “I’m still following up on that” or “I haven’t heard back yet, I’ll check”.    No one seemed to notice my absence for a week.  While I assumed I’d be crestfallen, like the organization would crumble without me, I was thrilled that I managed to set things up well enough that things could run smoothly in my absence, and I could slide right back in and pick up where things were left off with my batteries completely recharged and ready to face work happily.


It also gives me hope that if I do go out on maternity leave again, that it would be devastating. Shhhhhhhhh that’s for another blog J

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

More proof that life is about balance.


This week has been a roller coaster, to say the least.  After getting home from a business trip, I’m finally back with my amazing boyfriend and awesome kids.  Dayum, I missed them so much!   I came home to happy people, people as excited to see me as I was them … that is AWESOME!!!!
The boys both got their report cards this week.  They’re doing GREAT.  Both at the top of their class, the eldest is getting all A’s & B’s and improving in every area.  I’m so proud of him; he’s a great kid and doing well in ALL areas.  Littlest gift is happy and well socialized (which is really all you can ask for a 5 year old).  His language skills are really strong as his skills are as good in French and English, compared to his classmates who achieve in one language.  Then BBE had his annual review at work and scored well, even better than last year.  He’s a hard work, effective problem solver and dedicated employee.  He doesn’t play the BS games that a lot of his coworkers do, so I’m sure his boss favours him as well.
It’s all coming up Millhouse, right?  Well, unfortunately not.  It can’t all be great, there needs to be balance in the universe or you’d take the wonderful moments for granted.  I finally got into the orthopedic specialist yesterday and while he was charming and happy, after reviewing my MRI he returned to the room with a much more somber look.  Apparently it’s not just shredded cartridge in my knees, but early onset arthritis.  Oh, that doesn’t sound good.  No, it’s not, however, there’s a really good medication on the market to treat this, but it’s very expensive and you’ll require a shot in each knee.  So here’s the prescription, go check with your insurance see if they’ll cover it.

I checked

They don’t

CRAP


So, here I am with two shot knees and my kidneys taking a beating because of the anti-inflammatory medication I’ve been on for 6 months.  The silver lining is that I’ve been given the green light to start working out again, but with elimination of specific exercises.  Losing some weight will help, but there’s no long term solution.  Yet.

Monday, May 27, 2013

This just boggles my mind.

In case you haven’t heard, Toronto has had some trouble … apparently we should call it “antics” with its Mayor. Rob Ford has been an outspoken (loud mouth) bigger than life (how’d that weight loss challenge go there Mr. Mayor?) rule breaking (oh texting and driving, DUI in Florida, accusations of improper fund raising, libeling a business, getting wasted at charity fund raisers, accused of smoking CRACK COCAINE) joy of a political figure for Toronto. He’s got an agenda, apparently to stop the gorging at the public trough, gravy train style politics in Toronto, but apparently he also has lies, broken promises, deception and drug use on that agenda.


While it doesn’t amaze me that people with big egos falter, and even lie and cover up their transgressions, it’s the blatant blindness of the people of Toronto to either forgive him or simply not care that an absolute TRAIN WRECK of a person is running the largest city in CANADA!

News Story - Ford popularity not affected ...

Holy crap people … SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?!?!?!

He was just FIRED from his VOLUNTEER coaching job from a local high school, because they were sick of being tainted with his stupidity, but there seems to be a good lot of people in Toronto that still think he’s doing an A-OK job!

Let me be VERY clear. I do not live in Toronto, and if I did, I wouldn’t have voted for this joker in the first place. Yep, call me elitist, but I think our public servants should be held to AT LEAST the standards of your average worker or soccer mom, not this insanely out of control lunatic.

It’s a shame Intervention was cancelled, Ford would have been a top rated show!

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Waltzing into the spotlight on 7” spikes

BBE spoils me. I think that’s become very evident to anyone who reads my blog, looks at my facebook page, is within ear shot of me EVER … yes, I’m very spoiled. This past Mothers Day, after being treated to an amazing brunch for his mother and I, then informed that his mother and I would book our day at the Scandinavian Spa so that we couldn’t put it off (another treat he was paying for), he felt bad because he didn’t take the gifts out to buy me a gift. Huh? Seriously? I am ALWAYS treated like a Queen, he worked like crazy to make sure it was the perfect weekend, then felt bad … I couldn’t believe it. I told him that he makes me happy EVERY DAY! That the gifts had made cards and presents at school (which I loved) and that they were making me feel truly appreciated and loved, which IS the greatest gift of all.

I have mom friends who get nothing more than what the kids make in school. They live with the father of their children (their husbands) and are always completely over looked. I have friends that aren’t cherished, appreciated and loved the way I am on Mother’s Day, or any other day, but I am spoiled CONSTANTLY in that way. I tried explaining this to BBE, but there’s no stopping him when he’s got an idea brewing.

He tells me to go on to my FAVOURITE shoe website www.gojane.com and fill in my wish list. This is the site which I have 7 KILLER pair of heels from that he’s purchased for me and together we find some spectacular stilettos that I can wear to work. The shoes I’ve already got aren’t really “corporate” friendly being heel-less heels, but they’re fun for parties, and clubbing. This time, Momma is going to get a pretty new pair of shoes for work. Oh wait, one pair is not really spoiling, so he purchases THREE. A pink peep toe pair of 7” (pictured above), a black patent closed toe 6” and a black velvet close toe 6”. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, they arrived yesterday!

Today at the office, I decided I want to show them off, but not be obvious about it. I walk into the kitchen past ACW’s office and she YELLS “OMG THOSE ARE GREAT SHOES”! My boss, and another male VP were in the hallway and of course had to check them out. Remember, I’m almost 5’11”, so 7” heels are insanely dramatic. My boss is now shorter than me, and the other VP says “I’m not used to men being my height, and never a woman”. *grins*

I love the smell of new shoes in the morning!

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Coping with stress and axiety


So, Shawn suggested that I research some ways to help cope with stress and anxiety.  I’m properly medicated, but there’ve been moments (up to hours) a few times in the past few weeks that have sent my heart racing, my hands fidgeting and my general anxiety into overdrive.   So, here I am trying to research some ways to cope.
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Learn to relax.
You may even need "breathing retraining," Ross adds. "When people get anxious, they tend to hold their breath. We teach people a special diaphragmatic breathing -- it calms your system. Do yoga, meditation, or get some exercise. Exercise is a terrific outlet for anxiety."
I’ve been getting better at getting to sleep lately, since I’ve been using my meditation app.  While it may not be ideal at work, I do need to work on breathing training and do it.
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Get moving
Regular exercise is a powerful stress reliever—even though it may be the last thing you feel like doing. Aerobic exercise—activity that raises your heart rate and makes you sweat—is a hugely effective way to lift your mood, increase energy, sharpen focus, and relax both the mind and body. For maximum stress relief, try to get at least 30 minutes of heart-pounding activity on most days. If it’s easier to fit into your schedule, break up the activity into two or three shorter segments.
Make food choices that keep you going
Low blood sugar can make you feel anxious and irritable, while eating too much can make you lethargic.Healthy eating can help you get through stressful work days. By eating small but frequent meals, you can help your body maintain an even level of blood sugar, keep your energy up, stay focused, and avoid mood swings.
Drink alcohol in moderation and avoid nicotine
Alcohol temporarily reduces anxiety and worry, but too much can cause anxiety as it wears off. Drinking to relieve job stress may also eventually lead to alcohol abuse and dependence. Similarly, smoking when you're feeling stressed and overwhelmed may seem calming, but nicotine is a powerful stimulant – leading to higher, not lower, levels of anxiety.
Get enough sleep
Not only can stress and worry can cause insomnia, but a lack of sleep can leave you vulnerable to even more stress. When you're well-rested, it's much easier to keep your emotional balance, a key factor in coping with job and workplace stress. Try to improve the quality of your sleep by keeping a sleep schedule and aiming for 8 hours a night.
HA … I know that the alcohol reduces anxiety … ahhhhh chillaxin’ with a bottle of wine, but not the best way to cope.  It’s an eye opener about the food and exercise.  I haven’t been eating my healthy lunches of late … I haven’t been eating poorly, but I’ve had less leafy greens and water and due to my knees haven’t been able to work out.  I must address these.
So … EVERY DAY a spinach salad and EVERY TIME I get anxious at home I’ll go do floor exercises, and at work, I’ll throw on sweats and go for a walk.  Hell, if I’m in my jeans I’ll throw on my work boots and walk around the warehouse.
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1. Repeat your worry until you’re bored silly. If you had a fear of elevators, you’d get rid of it if you rode in one a thousand times in a row. At first, you would be very anxious, then less so, and eventually it would have no effect (except to make you sick of riding in an elevator). So take the troublesome thought that’s nagging at you and say it over and over, silently, slowly, for 20 minutes. It’s hard to keep your mind on a worry if you repeat it that many times. I call this the “boredom cure” for obvious reasons, but it sure beats feeling overwhelmed by anxiety. 

2. Make it worse. When you try too hard to control your anxieties, you only heighten them. Instead, exaggerate them and see what happens. For instance, if you fear that your mind will go blank during a presentation, fake it intentionally in the middle of your next one. Say, “Gee, what was I just saying?” Notice how this makes no difference. It’s nothing to worry about, right? I did this at a lecture once and no one raised an eyebrow. (Perhaps they weren’t listening anyway!) 

3. Don’t fight the craziness. You may occasionally have thoughts that lead you to think you’ll do something terrible (“I’m attracted to him. Does that mean I’ll have an affair?”) or that you’re going insane (a client of mine who is an attorney kept imagining herself screaming in court). Remember―our minds are creative. Little synapses are firing away at random, and every now and then a “crazy” thought jumps out. Everyone has them. Instead of judging yours, describe it to yourself like it’s a curious object on a shelf and move on. 

4. Recognize false alarms. That fear of your house burning down because you left the iron on has never come true. That rapid heartbeat doesn’t mean you’re having a heart attack; it’s your body’s natural response to arousal. Many thoughts and sensations that we interpret as cues for concern―even panic―are just background noise. Think of each of them as a fire engine going to another place. You’ve noticed them; now let them pass by. 

5. Turn your anxiety into a movie. You can let go of a worry by disconnecting yourself from it. One way is to imagine that your anxious thoughts are a show. Maybe they’re a little guy in a funny hat who tap dances and sings out your worry while you sit in the audience, eating popcorn, a calm observer.
6. Set aside worry time. All too often we take a “Crackberry” approach to our worries: They show up unannounced, like constantly dinging e-mails, and we stop everything to address them―even if we should be doing something else. But what if you don’t respond right away? Try setting aside 20 minutes every day―let’s say at 4:30 p.m.―just for your worries. If you are fretting at 10 a.m., jot down the reason and resolve to think it through later. By the time 4:30 comes around, many of your troubles won’t even matter anymore. And you will have spent almost an entire day anxiety-free. 

7. Take your hand off the horn. You constantly check the weather before a big outdoor event. You replay that clumsy comment you made, wishing you could take it back. And, yes, you honk your horn in traffic. When you desperately try to take command of things that can’t be controlled, you’re like the swimmer who panics and slaps at the water, screaming. It gets you nowhere. Instead, imagine that you are floating along on the water with your arms spread out, looking up to the sky. It’s a paradox, but when you surrender to the moment, you actually feel far more in control. 

8. Breathe it out. You may notice that when your body is tense, you hold your breath. Focusing on breathing is a common but effective technique for calming the nerves. Where is your breath now, and where is your mind? Bring them together. Listen to the movement of your breath. Does your mind wander somewhere else? Call it back. Concentrate only on breathing in and out, beginning and ending, breath to breath, moment to moment. 

9. Make peace with time. When you’re a worrier, everything can feel like an emergency. But notice this about all your anxious arousal: It’s temporary. Every feeling of panic comes to an end, every concern eventually wears itself out, every so-called emergency seems to evaporate. Ask yourself, “How will I feel about this in a week or a month?” This one, too, really will pass. 

10. Don’t let your worries stop you from living your life. Many of them will turn out to be false, and the consequences of your anxiety―less sleep, a rapid pulse, a little embarrassment―are just inconveniences when it comes down to it. What can you still do even if you feel anxious? Almost anything.


WOW … JACKPOT.  I know yoga and meditation.  I have some breathing techniques, but I could learn some new ones … but here’s a list of things I haven’t heard before.  I’ll let you know if any of these work for me.
Again, thanks Shawn, you’re making me an all-around better person!

Inside the magic box

This week, being “single girl” week as BBE is working nights and the gifts are at their fathers, I had the chance to have an old friend over for a coffee after work.  I haven’t seen (or even really spoken to) this friend in about 2 years.  It was simply a matter of our lives were on different paths and they weren’t intersecting.  There was no reason for not talking; there was just nothing to connect us.   Out of the blue, she posts on my wall that she’d love to get together for a coffee, so we did.  Both of us have had a LOT of changes over the past two years.  Each being on a different journey, but getting together again, the years melted away and it was like we were hanging out just last week. 

I’m like that with people, some people, and most people actually.  I understand that sometimes people are in your life for an event, or a period of time, and as long as there are no hard feelings, no transgression that’s passed that you can’t get over, that reconnection is a good thing.

I find, these days, that many of my closest friends are trapped in the little silver box (the laptop or the iPad).  I connect with people as far away as Australia, she being a RL friend who flew off for a new adventure and another dear friend who lives in England.  These are some of my best friends and whether we email every day, or once a month, I still feel as close and connected to them as anyone.  As well, I have two amazing and different groups of women I know on line only.  I’ve never met ANY of these women (all told about 40 of them) in real life, but some of them I consider my best friends.  I follow their blogs, and their posts in our private groups and we celebrate our successes and happiness together and hold one another together through the tough times.  Although I’ve never met any of these ladies, I feel closer to them than those who I’ve called “friends” for the past 10 years.  I find that due to life (changes in jobs, marital changes, etc) that friends just naturally ebb and flow from your life.  I’ve gotten to know and forgotten many people on line, but these “special friends” (the wm’s and the lnl’s) hold a special place in my heart and I’ll never let them go.

Then I look at my “real life” friends and I’m really disappointed (with the exception of one mother of a classmate to the oldest gift).  I’ve invited them to events, offered to do things for them, tried to engage them and I barely get a response, and if I do it’s ALWAYS negative.  I get that everyone has a life, but I’m finding a lot of them using “busy family” as an excuse to be rude and not even make an effort to help out.  I hate it when people disappoint me, but I’m truly fortunate to have some spectacular friends, it’s just that many of them live inside the magic box.

Friday, April 26, 2013

When capitolizm catches up with your wardrobe

This week there was a stunning tragedy in Bangladesh, that's killed over 200 people.  Full story here Huff Post Story but basically a factory that produced Joe Fresh Apparel collapsed while workers were inside and the results were devastating.

While reading through the posts, I came across this one:

As a former product developer at joe fresh I can tell you that the product developer has no idea what factory the garments will be produced in. They only know the country of origin. They work with large agents (like Li & Fung for example) who choose the factory to make the style for joe fresh product. The buyer at Loblaws, also does not know what factory the goods are being made in.


They are not responsible for choosing the factory, but they do negotiate the cost. And the cost is low. It has to be to compete with Walmart. A factory in Bangladesh often makes no profit on a style...but produces it to keep the factory/workers working.

Think about it next time you buy a $7 t-shirt...the cost of buying the cotton, cost of knitting cotton yarn into jersey, washing the fabric, dyeing the fabric, washing it again,cutting the fabric, bundling it, sewing it, trimming it, labelling it, ticketing it, pressing it, packing it, shipping from Bangladesh to north america, transporting it via train to a warehouse, allocating and shipping it to a retail centre ....that's a lot of labour for a $7 t-shirt that has to make at least 60 point profit. Do you think your $7 t-shirt was made in a clean, spacious, state of the art factory ? No. But then you probably don't care about the workers in a hot, filthy, dangerous, cramped, old factory....

This isn't news to anyone, not really.  We all know that there's no magic factory serving fresh fruit and hot meals in the cafeteria while producing these ridiculously cheap clothes.  We (and I mean me here) turn a blind eye to the reality of consumerism so that we can have a plethora of brightly coloured t-shirts and yoga wear for the new season, all the time, ignoring the costs.

Everyone likes to blame Wal-Mart.  They're an easy target (oh yes, and Target too) as they're the ones applying pressure to the manufacturers to constantly reduce (ROLL BACK) prices.   Hell, I work on a committee at work that is focusing on finding ways to save money, reduce costs, improve processes.  It's how the world works, but once in a while, the price is paid.  Not by the North American consumer but by the poor and disenfranchised in a Third World Country.

As a person who has previously sourced product from overseas, I know what it's like.  I know the pressure from the company to "maximize the gross profit on the item".  I know that the buyer isn't THERE in the factory, inspecting the footings of the building and ensuring the workers are safe.  They rely on the systems and rules in place.  Obviously it's some one's responsibility, but who?  The consumer?  The buyer?  The head of Joe Fresh?  There's obvious areas for improvement, but where to start?

I don't know ... will I continue to feed the monster with my hard earned dollars for cheap shirts or find a way to buy local (and a LOT less). 

  

Early in the pandemic, I read, “We’re all in the same storm, but riding it out on different boats”, and I’ve carried that along with me.  I’...