Truly conflicted

First off, WTF is going on with Orlando?  Murder of a young singer, night club massacre, and then a little boy killed at the happiest place on Earth.  I’ve referred to Florida as God’s waiting room before but this is a little too literal!

My heart sank on Tuesday evening as I drove home to pick up the boys, to hear the news of a 2 year old boy snatched by an alligator at one of the Disney resorts.  Just hearing that alone was heartbreaking.  Then to hear that his father attempted to wrestle the alligator to save his son, I can’t imagine the horror, the guilt and the heartbreak the family must be enduring.  No parent should ever have to bury a child, let alone is such a horrific and violent death.  It took 18 hours, but they found the lifeless body of the child.  But sooner than that, the Perfect Parents came out saying “that would never happen to my child” and “where were the parents?”  There is still a lot of raw emotions from the death of Harambe at the Cincinnati zoo, which fortunately had a better outcome for that child.  I posted about accidents and parental responsibility.  Yes, accidents happen, yes we CAN learn from our mistakes.  Leaving a baby unattended in a tub is wrong.  People now put locked fences around pools to keep their children safe.  We’ve LEARNED what can happen, and we can keep our children more safe. 

In reality and all honesty, I don’t judge these parents.  It truly was a freak accident.  Like Cincinnati, where they improved the safety around the Gorilla exhibit after the accident, I’m sure Disney and the Wildlife Conservancy will review the safety of their habitats and possibly some improvement.  I truly think the ONLY ones who could say “that would never happen to my child” are the Uber-Helicopter-Parents.  I believe in situation awareness, I believe in being responsible for your children, but I also truly believe accidents can happen.  Could something tragic happen?  Sure, but is it likely?  We all make these determinations every day in our actions, and they colour our views, actions and words.

What I have the hardest time thinking about is those tiny little white coffins that take the children to the grave.  I cry whenever I see one, I hope to NEVER have to see one in my family and circle of friends.  I can’t imagine the grief, and I just want to hug those parents from Nebraska who knew a tragedy could happen, but never thought it could happen to them.

As usual, Scary Mommy says it so well.

The Trump Effect

Disgust, frustration, horror, fear …

I’m still digesting the horrific crime of the murder of 49 people in a nightclub in Orlando Florida.  While news agencies rush to bring you the news, immediate speculation of this dark skinned man is that it’s a terrorist act; apparently professed his allegiance to ISIS while on the phone to 911.  However today news is that it’s more likely he was a self-hating closeted gay man and decided to die by gunfire and take many with him.  I’m watching the global reaction.  Horror, disgust, fear, calls for Love not Hate, vigils, bathing your Facebook profile picture in rainbows for support, but what I’m not seeing, what I fear I’ll NEVER see is gun reform in the USA.

This man legally purchased an automatic weapon.  Understand, I’m not anti-fire arms.  I respect the ideology of the right to bear arms.   I get a pistol for protecting your home (although I’d never own one).  I respect a rifle for hunting (although I would never hunt).  What I don’t understand is the reason any average citizen would need a fire arm capable of expending 13.3 bullets in one second.  That’s not defending your home, that’s not figuratively or literally bringing home the moose meat, it’s a weapon with no other purpose but to kill as many as people as possible.  Why is THAT LEGAL?!?!?!?!?!?!

So I’m sitting her struggling with what to say about the tragedy.   Struggling with the horror of people being slaughtered because of who they love, or how they identify.  I don’t want my words to be a trite contribution that does nothing more than lip service.  Over and over again these tragedies happen that kill children, mothers, fathers and there’s always sorrow, grief but in the end, nothing changes.  I was truly saddened while I considered this, then; my Facebook feed fills up with 5 shot near a playground in Brooklyn and an active shooter in Texas.   

I’m sorry ‘Murica, but you’re currently courting one of the most racists, sexist and homophobic men in the world to rule your country.  This isn’t going to end well, not for you, not for the rest of the world.  You’re one of the last super powers, do NOT put modern day Hitler in charge.

I’m scared, and I’m off to Google the Mars Project.

And therein lies the problem

There’s been a lot said this week about the death of a 17 year old Silverback Gorilla (an endangered animal) at the hands of the Cincinnati Zoo to save a 4 year old child.  That’s the headline, without all the hyperbole.   It’s a tragedy, but it’s also gripped the world.   The tag #JusticeforHarambe quickly trended.  People were outraged that the beautiful animal was the victim.  I agree and I feel horrible that this majestic creature died.  However, I fully support the zoo’s quick (and likely heartbreaking) action to end Harambe’s life to save the child.  No, for no reason should a child die at the hands of an animal, which without malice could kill the child through basic animal actions.  A tranquilizer likely would have taken longer to work, putting the boy in more danger.  It was a call, they prepare for this, and it was ultimately the right call.

I’ve watched people on both sides of the coin throw meme’s and articles up on facebook.  From memes of the gorilla saying “why shoot me, I was doing a better job of watching him than his mother” to “we should empathize with the mother”.  I’m somewhere in the middle of this.  No, Harambe wasn’t “careful” with the child and it was a much different scenario from when an unconscious 3 year old child fell into a Gorilla enclosure previously to be nurtured and cared for by a female (mother instinct) gorilla.  Harambe was panicked, and his actions were entirely unpredictable.  The boy was in mortal danger from the moment he fell into the pit until Harambe was dead. 

I’m trying not to judge the mother.  I wasn’t there; I don’t know exactly what happened.  I can’t imagine the terror she experienced when she looked around for her child, missing, then to discover he was in the moat, with that beautiful but deadly animal.  I can’t imagine the 10 minutes of sheer terror she had to survive, hoping her child survived.  My heart, as a mother, aches for her, for that agony she survived. 

And that’s where I was with the whole thing.  Saddened by the loss of Harambe, proud of the zoo for taking the difficult but right steps to save the child and empathetic to what the mother went through.  Then the following article came out:  HuffPo Article

And the following was printed and it just about set me ablaze.

“Think about the parents who have forgotten about a child in a carseat on a hot summer day. A mom who walked away from the bathtub for 3 minutes, and came back to a lifeless child. A dad who forgot to read an ingredient label and gave his child a food containing his severe allergy.  Mistakes happen.”

Wait, WHAT?  I ache for the parents who lose a child.  I’ve fortunately never experienced it and am incredibly grateful for it … but seriously, who walks away from a bathtub for 3 minutes with a child in it?  What is more important than your child?  Who DOESN’T know EXACTLY what goes into your child’s body when they have a severe food allergy?  That’s not a mistake, that’s negligent.  Yes, I can feel for the parent who loses a child, but I can also judge them negligent in their actions if it leads to their death!  Where is the personal responsibility to protect your child?  Where’s the ever-loving common sense?!?!?!?!?

It’s true; I don’t know what happened at the Cincinnati Zoo.  Maybe she was on her phone, maybe distracted by another child, maybe her crafty little guy slipped away in a crowd.  But ultimately SHE is responsible for the safety of her child, and as a result of her lack of diligence, Harambe is dead.  The Zoo also needs to look at how her child managed to get in and plug that epic safety gap.  Yes, this is a call to improve safety, and even (yep I’m going there) reconsider the benefit of keeping these beautiful and deadly animals in captivity for our entertainment, enjoyment, and viewing pleasure.   I’m torn, I love zoos and aquariums, but more and more, we’re seeing the negative impact on the animals kept in these facilities.  It’s causing me to rethink and reevaluate my feelings on it.  However, as a mother, of two little mischievous monkey boys as well, we as parents HAVE to accept responsibility for our children.  I won’t fill up your facebook wall with my thoughts on this, I have my blog and can say my peace here, but instead of simply posting the funnier meme or more heartbreaking story, why not look at what went wrong (safety around animal enclosures) and see what we can do to fix them.  Let’s not let Harambe die in vain, let something come of this, better safety for animals and humans!