I should have checked my fortune stones!

I purchased fortune stones (fortune telling) at GenCon last week.  Apparently I should have checked them this morning as they likely would have advised me to stay in bed.  My first day back to work started off with the complete inability to drag my exhausted butt outta bed.  That’ll teach me to sleep into 10:00 am for over a week.  *yawn*.  Then it would appear that I switched my razor with a cheese grater in my bathroom as I did an AWESOME job of bloodying my legs this morning.  GROSS.  Seriously, blood running down BOTH shins.  Jackson thought the large pieces of red tissue paper stuck to my shins this morning was fascinating.  I likely should have put pants on, but I was running late and already had a skirt picked out for the day.

After herding the boys into the truck (this was actually one of the easier parts of my day) I managed to drop my new water bottle (metal and FULL of water) on to previously mentioned bleeding shin and eventually my foot (clad only in sandals)  OUCH … @#&$*&@^$*@#. 

Did I mention that I’m fighting Con Crud too?  My throat feels like I’ve gargled with razor blades (so THAT’S where the blades went and the reason I had to use the cheese grater on my legs) … *sigh*. 

Fortunately there were no disastrous accidents or traffic delays on the way into work, but I did need to drop the truck off (we’ve been trying to get it Eco-certified for my license renew – due next week) and I informed the mechanic of my joyous ride home last time I picked it up (stalled a dozen times going home during BRUTAL traffic)AND the engine light was still on.  I have until Friday to get this sorted out or I’ll be taking transit to work!  He promptly informed me it may be time to call in a priest.  NO!  I love my truck … fix it!

So, I finally get to work and one of my coworkers is parked in my boss’ spot.  Hmmmm apparently boss is on vacation (again) and I haven’t seen him since July.  He was off, and then I was off, now he’s off again.  He’s emailing me for updates as I’m sure his boss is looking for them so that’s going to take a while to type out … of course the answer to most of them is “I don’t know, let me catch up from vacation”.   It’s also deathly quiet in the office.  My two coworkers don’t appear to be in a good mood, as neither is talking to the other (one is ALWAYS in the other’s office gabbing) and neither are talking to me.  Good news is, no one is bothering me while I catch up, bad news is that the vibe in here is pretty negative.  

The divorce is the easy part

So it’s been a year, since the paperwork on the separation was done.  August 1, 2012 is when we agreed to legally separate.  We’ve been separated (emotionally) for YEARS prior to that.  We both stayed for a long time, out of fear, out of loyalty, out of laziness.  There’s one reason that people get married, wanting a life together (for love, for family, for company or companionship) but there are a thousand of reasons to get divorced. 

I learned that the actual divorce is the easy party.   I did the separation paperwork.  We were mired in debt, and the thought of spending thousands more on an attorney was just beyond me.  So, I did some online research and discovered I can do what was referred too as a “kitchen table separation agreement”.   It wasn’t too bad in the beginning; it helped me get a handle on the assets (few) and debts (many).  I had help from friends regarding pensions and values of property.  It got ugly when I had to inventory everything in the house and assign a value to it.  The arguments ensued.  No one wanted to feel taken advantage of.  It was taking 20 years of a life together, assigning value when there was no value left in the relationship.  The separation was the hard part.  You have to itemize and valuate things, when you’re feeling raw, angry, frustrated, hurt, and sad and then you begin to feel hopeful, excited, and eager to move forward.  It’s a hard thing to do, but it needs to be done as it helps heal the wounds and propels you forward to a new and much better life.

Now, a year later, I’m back to doing my research again.  I don’t want to pay a lawyer $2K to file paperwork I can take a day and do myself.  I called a few lawyers and they want me to start at step one again.  They want financial statements, working out assets, etc, I’ve DONE that.  Those wounds have healed and I don’t feel like opening them up again.  I think he and I did a pretty good job at being equitable and fair.  No one feels ripped off, and that’s a good place.  We’re almost friends now.  We can ask favours of each other, and if it’s possible we each do it.  We’ve both moved on, knowing we will always be co-parents to those amazing boys, and it’s a good place to be.  I want to move forward.  I’ve built myself a great life with the love of my life who is also my best friend.  I have a relationship built on mutual trust, respect, honesty and love.  We’re partners in EVERYTHING.  We’re on the same team when it comes to life, work, kids, friends, family, EVERYTHING.  He’s someone I can talk to, be open and honest with, about me, my thoughts, feelings, desires, needs.  He not only listens to me, but does his best to fulfill everything.  I’m not coming through a divorce negative about love or marriage, but finally hopeful and believing in it!

I spent so many years afraid to move, now, I feel I can fly.  I finished the divorce paperwork in about 2 hours.  I’ve spoken to the ex about it.  About serving papers, costs, etc.  He’s always been willing to let me take the lead on executing things, and he’s agreeable with this.  I just need to double check my work, grab supporting documents, and hit the courts.  I’m ready too, I’m ready to be completely unfetter to move forward to the life I want!