I haven’t had the desire to write much, that’s been apparent. Even though I felt it coming, learning that the last opportunity failed to materialize was a crushing blow. I was VERY excited, it was an INCREDIBLE opportunity and I was dying to get it. Although this is the closest I came, once again, they “decided to go with another candidate”. PHUCK! While I’ve learned how to manage my boss, and I have low expectations of him (although he still fails to even measure up to that), I need to be satisfied to dance with the devil I know.
I’ll admit, I had been in my own little funk, then, last night, I got home and rolled around on the floor with the boys for 30 minutes having tickle fights. Honestly, that sorted me out more than anything more than anything else had. Then the real reality check came last night when one of the working moms from my group posted how she regretted having her kids. I was SHOCKED. Not just that she said it, but I couldn’t understand it. I’ve never once regretted either of my boys, and I am grateful I didn’t get the job so that I CAN spend more time with them. There’s one thing about being sad for not getting something you want, it’s a whole different level of hell for hating the gifts you have.
I wanted to SCREAM at her. I wanted to toss the brutal honesty at her that she doled out on others before. I wanted to sake WAKE THE PHUCK UP and GROW THE PHUCK UP. Stop “self medicating” and get HELP for crying out loud. You’re OBVIOUSLY depressed and that’s not good for anyone. I couldn’t help but think that if you regret having your children, they’re likely aware of that too. Those poor boys, I couldn’t help but ache for them.
It made me see, that once I was that insane workaholic. That corporate climbing career executive; not even flinching at putting in 80 hours a week to do my job better than anyone else, to be better than anyone else, to win more than anyone else. But then came along the two GREATEST gifts of MY LIFE. I was trying to get back on that insane track, and I failed. THANK GAWD FOR THAT.
So, to the poor woman who hates the best of her, I’m very sorry for the level of hell you must be trapped in, but I’m also very grateful you shined a spotlight on my life and made me realize how truly lucky I am!
I’ll admit, I had been in my own little funk, then, last night, I got home and rolled around on the floor with the boys for 30 minutes having tickle fights. Honestly, that sorted me out more than anything more than anything else had. Then the real reality check came last night when one of the working moms from my group posted how she regretted having her kids. I was SHOCKED. Not just that she said it, but I couldn’t understand it. I’ve never once regretted either of my boys, and I am grateful I didn’t get the job so that I CAN spend more time with them. There’s one thing about being sad for not getting something you want, it’s a whole different level of hell for hating the gifts you have.
I wanted to SCREAM at her. I wanted to toss the brutal honesty at her that she doled out on others before. I wanted to sake WAKE THE PHUCK UP and GROW THE PHUCK UP. Stop “self medicating” and get HELP for crying out loud. You’re OBVIOUSLY depressed and that’s not good for anyone. I couldn’t help but think that if you regret having your children, they’re likely aware of that too. Those poor boys, I couldn’t help but ache for them.
It made me see, that once I was that insane workaholic. That corporate climbing career executive; not even flinching at putting in 80 hours a week to do my job better than anyone else, to be better than anyone else, to win more than anyone else. But then came along the two GREATEST gifts of MY LIFE. I was trying to get back on that insane track, and I failed. THANK GAWD FOR THAT.
So, to the poor woman who hates the best of her, I’m very sorry for the level of hell you must be trapped in, but I’m also very grateful you shined a spotlight on my life and made me realize how truly lucky I am!
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