This is what’s wrong with kids these days!

Carbosly @Carbosly

Parenting is 80% making empty threats & 20% picking up miniature toys on the floor.

I was flipping through my facebook feed and came across a post from HuffPo with the “funniest parenttweets”.  Some of them were funny, really funny, but I saw this one and it pissed me off.  No lady, that’s NOT what good parenting is about, that’s what bad parenting is about. 

If your parenting like this twit … errr twitterer, then what you’re doing is teaching your children that their actions do not have consequences, and that they can be lazy, because someone else will clean up their mess.  I’m not saying I’m the perfect parent, or that I have all the answers, but while some people are trying to be funny, or get followers, they’re failing their children and our collective future.

The empty threats are really what bother me.  I don’t make threats; I simply state the consequences to their actions, with a warning (which isn’t an empty threat, just a chance for them to self correct) and then I execute the consequences.  I used to give the youngest gift a ton of warnings, and what I learned in that exercise was that I was delaying the inevitable, and no one appreciated that.  If his actions are going to send him to his room, I explain that, give him the opportunity to stop the action and if he doesn’t, it's off to his room for him.  Or, if it’s, really bad, and he’ll lose the iPad privileges (this is really his currency) and that makes for miserable time for all of us.

The empty threats just teach your children that their actions don’t have true consequences and they can’t trust what you say.  I want my children to believe what I say when I tell them what I’m going to do, or that I love them, or that I’ll always be there for them.  I want them to trust me.

Seriously, I stopped picking up their toys when they turned 3.  They know where the toy chest is, they can return their own toys.  I’ve got my own crap to clean up!

Inspired by an on line writing.

I belong to a few different on line groups.  Some even cross over to real life, so I tend to do a lot of reading of on line blogs, journals, etc.  Some are truly insightful, inspiring me to be a better parent, a better girlfriend, a better employee, all in all a better person.  Some … well … not so much.  I came across one journal post titled “Actually No, I don’t have to ‘Play Nice’”.  The author is a self described “bohemian”.  He doesn’t necessarily conform to our “rules of society”.  The journal proceeds to say I don’t have to be nice if I don’t want to.  If you’ve hurt me (on purpose or not) I can block you out with a big fat wall.  You won’t affect me that way.  Basically goes on to say that if they’ve screwed up in his eyes, he’s far too busy a person to hold their hand and teach them the better way.

Really at this point of the post I wanted to hurl.

What happened to common decency?  What happened to the base level of human kindness?  What REALLY annoys me about this person is that he spews “enlightenment”.  He’s approximately my age, with a young child, no job and at last count 3 girlfriends.  For some reason this creep has that evangelical cult leader persona and people do listen to him.  When I first met him, I thought he was farther along the evolutionary enlightenment path than most, now I just realize he’s a drug addicted loser who can’t hold down a job and be a truly contributing member of society.  He believes he’s better than that, and the truly annoying part is that MY tax dollars pay to have him sit on his ass and spout this garbage.

There are so many ways I’d like to rant not only about this jerk but too him.  But I am likely on the other size of that wall.  He’s NEVER extended a hand to me, or even looked twice in my direction.  I likely wronged him somehow and apparently the chance of me ever overcoming that big fat wall are slim.  GOOD.  I’d like him to be surrounded by that big fat wall, then I’d like to fill it with water. 

When other people like this annoy me, I remember … wait, I have friends, I have family, I have the love of my life and two of the greatest children ever.  I just received a spectacular review at work, we have a BEAUTIFUL house, and I’m blessed with people who make me laugh, smile and just generally feel awesome about life.  I bet he doesn’t have that, behind his wall.  Wow, I actually pity him … and if he ever knew I pitied him, I’m sure he’d RAGE.

Its Murphy’s Monday!

Ick, it’s been a day.  The gifts were a tad slow moving this morning.  Littlest gift wanted breakfast at home (instead of daycare) and eldest gift was having trouble getting out of bed.  Not too bad, but a little slower than our usual pace.  I hadn’t packed the boys lunches the night before (I’m a little challenged on room in the fridge at the moment) so I had to pack their lunches … TOTALLY forgetting the lunchables in littlest gifts lunch.  Shoot, sorry dude.

I finally collect, my apple, coffee, purse, laptop, indoor shoes, the boys snow-pants, eldest project, bag of gaming stuff to go to their dad’s, their backpacks and the boys and we head to the garage.  It’s been a ridiculous winter, 37’ of snow and counting, so BBE lets me park in the garage.  Everyone is in; car is loaded with stuff … CONTACT.  We open the garage door and …

DAMMIT

There’s my truck.  Shoot, BBE blew out the driveway yesterday and forgot to put the truck back on the other side.  Muttering a few choice phrases, I go back in the house, grab the truck keys, minimally brush it off, and move it to the other side of the driveway.  Ok, this time for realz … CONTACT.

I get the boys dropped off at daycare, now 40 minutes behind schedule and I look down and the car is out of windshield wiper fluid.  Oh for the love of all things purple … I have to stop at a gas station, buy fluid, fill it up and hit the road.  Apparently people took there “let’s inflict some RAGE on techy today” pills, as EVERY MORON who wanted to coast in the passing lane was out.  Muther Effer!  I finally pull in to work 45 minutes late, but beat my coworkers and decide ok, it’s done; my day can get better now …

But no, of course not.  I’ve been working on this MASSIVE new product line that has been evaluated, changed, tweaked, rebranded, resourced, redesigned and basically screwed with for a year.  I’m finally seeing a light at the end of a tunnel (praying it’s not a train) and I get a bunch of proofs back on my desk and almost lost it.  The R&D manager, who I’ve come to learn, is incredibly bright but epically lazy.  Changed a bunch of information, and asked questions (to which he should know the answer) and is sending my program spinning again.  I LOST IT.  I fired off an email, reminding him that he’d already proofed and approved ALL this information.  Is he “sure” this time?  Really?  UGH.  I have to go back to the drawing board on about 30% of the program.  Fortunately I’ve got the time and manpower to handle it, it’s not one of my “critical timeline” items, but GEZZZ this guy drives me NUTS.  He was told to proof the info MONTHS ago.  He simply shrugged and said “hey man, everyone makes mistakes”.

*deep breath*

All I can say is that it’s a good thing BBE is home tonight, that’ll cheer me up.  I’ll put this Monday behind me and try to be grateful that these days are the exception, not the rule!

The mommy wars, FAT version.

I belong to an amazing group of women.  We met on a site 8+ years ago, and when that site did some upgrades, we migrated to a FB page.  It’s very LOW drama, and generally the women there get along and are helpful and supportive.  I’m not saying we all sign kumbai and cyber hold hands, but based on some other “private” groups I’ve seen, we really do this well. 

A few days ago I posted a WWYD (What Would You Do) regarding custody, favours and history with an ex-spouse.  While I was expecting a bit of a kick in the pants (I love these women because along with kind, they’re generally honest) but one of the moms (honestly the one I expected it from the least) went off the deep end and cyber ”tore me a new one”.  Ok, she must have been having a bad day.  I responded to her post with what I hoped was cool kindness, and the situation seemed relatively diffused.  Life goes on, no big deal.

Today one of the mom’s posted an interesting article from a fitness mom (that’s her job, she’ works in a health club) with a muscle toned body and her three young boys with the title “What’s your excuse?”  She wanted to know how we all felt about it.  It was pretty common that “what’s your excuse” as a motivator is negative, but things that motivate people to get into shape are generally good.  So … “good for her, but I’m never going to look like that” was the most common consensus.  Ok, if I worked 8 hours a day in a gym, I would EXPECT to be in great shape.  But I don’t.  I work 9.5 hours a day at a computer, drive 2.5 hours a day (with no traffic, weather or accidents) for work.  I need to sleep at least 9 hours a night, that leaves me 3 hours.  Oh yes, I like to spend time with my boys, pack their lunches, organize their clothes, do laundry, eat, clean the house …. Ok, I have exactly 1.5 minutes per day to work out.  Is that an excuse?  Well, I could work out on weekends, or on weeks the boys are at their fathers, but sometimes I just need to chill!  It’s not an excuse, it’s a matter of priorities, and apparently, at the moment, my priority isn’t to enter the Ms World contest. 

I wonder if the woman in the picture goes home and works out more?  When she’s done working for the day is she developing exceptional brand presentations to further the company’s corporate goals?  No … really then, what is her excuse?

Ok, my rant about that done, but back to my women’s group.  I was good when it was all “good for her, but I don’t have time”.  Then some of the mom’s are like “oh I hate it when people say they don’t have time, they’re just not making it a priority.  GEEEEZZZZ.  Ok, I made time for it last year, worked out 3 hours a day 6 days a week because I had the buffer to do it (was still living with exh and he would be home with the kids).  I don’t have time, could I do more?  Sure, will I look that that woman, or any person whose JOB it is to work on their body?  Nope, so lay off the “you have the time, you choose not to make it a priority” lines, that’s obnoxious.

Thank goodness for my own private diary to work things out ...

Not that anyone reads this, so I get to mentally purge here ... it's my safe place.


Right now I'm struggling.  Obviously this week didn't start well (per yesterday's post).  I'm facing one of my best friends leaving again.  Just because it's not the end of the world, doesn't mean it doesn't suck, and it doesn't hurt. But while I'm working on that, an number of other things are bugging me.


Husband ~ I love you, I REALLY do ... but the next time you take a pot shot and call me my father, I may punch you in the face.  I get that you're mad at me.  I get that I'm pissing you off.  I get that I'm not perfect ... but sweetheart ... have a peek in the mirror and perhaps you'll understand some of how I'm feeling.  Try participating in our life ... it's not a spectator sport ... or worse yet, something you can get the highlights on at your convenience.


Wine friend ~ I love you too.  I understand you've recently made a large and dramatic change in your life.  I know the recent diagnoses of your oldest gift is an adjustment.  I know that things are different for you now.  But you need to speak to me without being a royal flaming bitch ... or I'm just going to stop talking to you.  I need to surround myself with positive people who add to my life.  I stopped walking on eggshells 4 months ago when the psycho left, I'm not willing to start it again.


To the girl trainer ~ ok honey, I really care for you ... but I'm not "smitten" with you like the others are ... so when you're a spoiled little brat, I just want to tell you to fuck off and grow the fuck up.  You're NOT reaching out to people, you're throwing a tantrum ... better than the littlest gift even does.  Your threats of "I get bored with people" are fine with me.  Don't threaten, grow up and realize that people care for you or be a baby and continue on your sporadic, directionless waste of a life.   You can be a beautiful, brilliant, talented, charismatic woman ... but right now ... your not any of those things.  Your choice, I'm leaving you be until you grow up.


I'm trying to do a lot right now.  I'm trying to get over a cold.  I'm trying to get healthy.  I'm trying to stay off the cancer sticks.  I'm trying to reduce my alcohol intake.  I'm trying to rock my job.  I'm trying to be a wife, a mom, an employee, a friend ...