I still can’t wrap my head around it.

Admittedly I try to be a positive person, but I had the wind taken out of my sails this week by family.  My darling husband and I, who ran off to Vegas to get married, are finally having our Wedding Reception this June.    I had intended to have our reception on the last Sunday in June, but then work threw a wrench into my plans.  Our annual sales meeting got pushed back, clashing with the wedding, so I spoke to my darling husband and the venue we booked and we were able to move it up a week. 

I was at my mother’s in February, celebrating my sister’s birthday when I happened to mention a date change.  “oh hey guys, we had to move the date to the 21^st, and that happens to be father’s day”.  Immediately my brother-in-law was angry, “well that’s not going to work, can you move it to Saturday”.   Ummmm WTF?  My sister pipes in with “that’s our annual father’s day BBQ for his father, and he takes it very seriously”.  I’m shocked, I asked “can’t you do the BBQ on Saturday?”  My sister mumbles “I’ll see what we can do.”  I was surprised, I mean I get it, Father’s day is a big day, but surely his father would understand that a WEDDING takes priority.

So I went about setting up the event, sending out invitations and I got a scathing email from my mother.  She’s disappointed in me, that I wouldn’t move the date; that I’m being selfish.  I was floored.  This from the woman who said my Vegas wedding was tacky, that we left her out by running off to Vegas; this from the woman that EVERY TIME I make an effort to invite her up, she usually declines.  When my sister had her son (younger than both my two gifts) my mother posted to facebook of “I finally have a grandson”.  Who constantly complained about me going to my former in-laws to look after my boys when I needed help (because they would move heaven and earth to do so) the first time I asked my mother, she thought it would be better to have the 4 year old and 7 year old in the house while their father moved out (so I went back to the former in-laws and again they came to the rescue).  I’ve spoken about these incidents to a close group of friends on line and one of them posted “you’re just not a priority for them (meaning my mother and sister)” and the truth of that hit me like a wrecking ball.

So my brother in law isn’t coming, and I told my sister while I’m baffled at the extreme importance of Father’s Day for her family, I would never ask her to choose between me and her husband.  She should choose her husband, because if the roles were reversed, I would choose my husband in a heartbeat.  I also emailed my mother asking if she’d like me to help arrange a ride for her or if she’ll be opting out as well.   They keep telling me I’m only thinking of myself, that I’m being selfish, and they’re making me question myself.  I think of myself as a “do anything for family & friends” type of person, I don’t just help them move, I’d help them move a body, but to get treated like this, but those who are supposed to love you and be there for you no matter what … it’s heartbreaking.

The Corporate Drama Llama

Work has been crazy. It’s our super busy time of the year while we’re trying to launch all of the product we sold in the fall. Everyone is on edge, and last week there was an ugly blow up. Super Cool Boss (my boss) was away travelling for work and Toxic Coworker (one of the other Managers who was just promoted to Senior the Friday before) came into my office and started causing trouble. Toxic Coworker and I had a blow up last summer and since then I’ve kept my distance. I’m professional, but not “friendly” with her. She lies, throws people under the bus constantly, complains, gossips and is just generally a very negative person to be around. She came in trying to cause drama between Awesome Coworker and I (Awesome Coworker is the other Manager in our group, there are three of us) and I stopped her in her tracks. I said “if you’d like to discuss Awesome Coworker, I’d rather have her here to defend herself”. Needless to say, Toxic Coworker wasn’t impressed. Then she went on to complain that she received a 100 of congratulatory emails on her promotion, but nothing from her two coworkers. Sure, I could have lied, but I’m a pretty honest person these days and I told her, that I wanted to talk to Super Cool Boss about it. That I wanted to understand what she’d done to earn the promotion. Again, she wasn’t happy, leaving my office in tears, then I went to Awesome Coworker’s office to warn her what Toxic Coworker had done. Awesome Coworker marched into Toxic Coworker’s office saying “I don’t have time for this bullsh!t”. Toxic Coworker then bee lined down to HR about how unprofessional and mean we all were.

Seriously, it’s just beyond stupid. Toxic Coworker is mad that Awesome Coworker and I are friends. For example, when she was trying to tell me not to trust Awesome Coworker she said “Awesome Coworker has told me all about you, things I’m sure you don’t want me to know”. I didn’t fall for it; I told her that I’d only discuss Awesome Coworker with her present. Then I told Awesome Coworker (later) what Toxic Coworker had said. She literally screamed “BULLSH!T”. Awesome Coworker knows a lot about the relationship between me and Best Boyfriend Ever and she swore she hadn’t told Toxic Coworker any of that. I believe her, because later, she went into Toxic Coworker’s office and said “What did I tell you about Technomum that she wouldn’t like?” And Toxic Coworker responded with “Oh I meant hypothetically” … WTF???? This cow is such a liar, that’s why I don’t believe a word she says. Needless to say, we all got hauled into HR’s office to discuss things. My conversation with HR was pretty comical … I asked her how she liked policing the “mean girls”. ;-) I chalked it up to another round of Toxic Coworker stupidity and figured it had run its course. I should have known better. Toxic Coworker informed Super Cool Boss that I was questioning his decision to promote Toxic Coworker and was badmouthing him. More lies. On Monday, Super Cool Boss pulled each of us in individually and gave us a talking too. I explained to Super Cool Boss that I wasn’t questioning him, rather I was wondering what Toxic Coworker had done to get promoted so that I could model her behavior and get myself promoted. Super Cool Boss visibly relaxed and said “oh that makes sense”. When he explained all the things that she’d done to earn the promotion, I pointed out they were ALL prior to my employment, so I really appreciated getting a better understanding of it.

All in all, it was Toxic Coworker causing drama and stirring up trouble. This isn’t the first time, and it won’t be the last. It’s why I keep my distance from her. I’m just the latest of a long list of coworkers who don’t like her and have been thrown under the bus by her. Hell she accused another manager Smart Guy Coworker of sexual harassment (which was false) just so she could get the position open for one of her friends. She’s a total shark and one of the worst people I’ve ever worked with. I would hate her, but her home life is miserable, so it’s just more misery in her life. She’s got two daughters that she lives vicariously through. Her husband is an absolute deadbeat who is constantly having affairs. He came on to me the first time I met him. Poor guy, she’s absolutely frigid, so he’s likely lonely. Prior to all the drama last summer, we were friends and we did talk. She doesn’t love him, but feels parents need to be together to raise the children. When her youngest goes to University (in 7 years) she plans on handing him his walking papers and living alone. She’s really a cold person, another reason I don’t like her.

Anyway, the moral of the story is that I didn’t get “caught in any lies” because I was absolutely honest and sincere, unlike Toxic Coworker. Things are calm around here again, but I’m sure another dramatic event will blow soon, and we’ll all be chatting with HR and the boss again. Best part was that Toxic Coworker was caught in multiple lies. Not only the one she told Super Cool Boss about me, but actually lied about what HR said to her. HR and Super Cool Boss were talking and HR would say “I never said that!” … yep, Toxic Coworker is a train wreck, but she’s good at her job and gets things done … so we keep her.

That was my work drama, and everything else is going well.