Apparently the same person who stole October and half of November

Oops, it's been a while ... on to today's topic

The original mommy wars were Working Moms vs Stay at home Moms.  One didn’t love their kids enough letting strangers raise them, the others were pretty much lazy and a drain on society.  There’s been a lot of sensitivity that’s come out from those wars.

• All moms work – it’s a hell of a job
• All moms love their kids – some can’t be with them 24/7
• All moms should work to help build each other up, not tear each other down

I’ve been on the working mom side of that war.  I’ve never looked down at a stay at home mom, but I’ve also never envied them.  I do love the little gifts, but I’m grateful for a job I thoroughly enjoy and the chance to grow their village with a wider group of those who love, care for and help my gifts grow.  I’ve learned to bite my tongue whenever someone says “oh I’d never let a stranger raise my child”.  That’s mostly born of ignorance, not malice.

I thought we’d finally let that war die, but now it’s resurface to the “Clean House” wars.  Interesting that SAHM (Stay at Home Moms) or WM (Working Moms) end up on either side of this war.  A lot of facebook memes are denoted to “I carefully take pictures of my children to hide the disaster my home is”, or blog posts from one of my favourite bloggers, that her house is a disorganized chaotic mess, but that’s just how she rolls.  The common theme is “as long as it’s not unsanitary, messy is A-OK”.  But then there are other mothers who feel their failing if their house is a mess, and those still who, because they keep their home neat and tidy, are accused of not loving their children enough to forego the cleaning to play with / interact with them. 

OMG … seriously?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I just watched one of my facebook groups have a long conversation about this, and some defriending happened because of the argument.  Really people … REALLY?  Is this so important, that you’ll unfriend someone you’ve called a friend?  Is this so important that you’ll place your self-worth and personal value on it?  I really can’t wrap my head around that.  I like it when my house is clean and organized.  It’s usually clean, it’s RARELY organized.  No one is in danger of mold spores, the litter boxes and bathrooms are cleaned regularly.  Do I wash the baseboards … uhhhh nope.  Do I think I’m less of a Mother, Wife, Woman because of this … NOPE.

I just can’t imagine putting that much emotion and effort into such silliness.  I’m blessed to have another private group, that while we may discuss such topics, and there are those of us on either end of the spectrum, no one every WARS about it, or loses friends over it. 

The lesson for today is, surround yourself with people who build you up and eliminate those who wear you down.     

The mommy wars, FAT version.

I belong to an amazing group of women.  We met on a site 8+ years ago, and when that site did some upgrades, we migrated to a FB page.  It’s very LOW drama, and generally the women there get along and are helpful and supportive.  I’m not saying we all sign kumbai and cyber hold hands, but based on some other “private” groups I’ve seen, we really do this well. 

A few days ago I posted a WWYD (What Would You Do) regarding custody, favours and history with an ex-spouse.  While I was expecting a bit of a kick in the pants (I love these women because along with kind, they’re generally honest) but one of the moms (honestly the one I expected it from the least) went off the deep end and cyber ”tore me a new one”.  Ok, she must have been having a bad day.  I responded to her post with what I hoped was cool kindness, and the situation seemed relatively diffused.  Life goes on, no big deal.

Today one of the mom’s posted an interesting article from a fitness mom (that’s her job, she’ works in a health club) with a muscle toned body and her three young boys with the title “What’s your excuse?”  She wanted to know how we all felt about it.  It was pretty common that “what’s your excuse” as a motivator is negative, but things that motivate people to get into shape are generally good.  So … “good for her, but I’m never going to look like that” was the most common consensus.  Ok, if I worked 8 hours a day in a gym, I would EXPECT to be in great shape.  But I don’t.  I work 9.5 hours a day at a computer, drive 2.5 hours a day (with no traffic, weather or accidents) for work.  I need to sleep at least 9 hours a night, that leaves me 3 hours.  Oh yes, I like to spend time with my boys, pack their lunches, organize their clothes, do laundry, eat, clean the house …. Ok, I have exactly 1.5 minutes per day to work out.  Is that an excuse?  Well, I could work out on weekends, or on weeks the boys are at their fathers, but sometimes I just need to chill!  It’s not an excuse, it’s a matter of priorities, and apparently, at the moment, my priority isn’t to enter the Ms World contest. 

I wonder if the woman in the picture goes home and works out more?  When she’s done working for the day is she developing exceptional brand presentations to further the company’s corporate goals?  No … really then, what is her excuse?

Ok, my rant about that done, but back to my women’s group.  I was good when it was all “good for her, but I don’t have time”.  Then some of the mom’s are like “oh I hate it when people say they don’t have time, they’re just not making it a priority.  GEEEEZZZZ.  Ok, I made time for it last year, worked out 3 hours a day 6 days a week because I had the buffer to do it (was still living with exh and he would be home with the kids).  I don’t have time, could I do more?  Sure, will I look that that woman, or any person whose JOB it is to work on their body?  Nope, so lay off the “you have the time, you choose not to make it a priority” lines, that’s obnoxious.