Dragging the Introvert across the country.

If you know me and BHE at all, you know I’m a flaming extrovert and he’s an incredible introvert.  They say opposites attract, and in our personality styles, we couldn’t be more different.  Words people use to describe me are “Loud, Enthusiastic, Energetic, Passionate, & Outgoing”.  Words people use to describe BHE are “Smart, Witty, Quick, Quiet, & Thoughtful”.  We truly are the description of Extrovert and Introvert.  It took a while for me to become accustom to some of the needs of the Introvert and everyone once in a while, like this year’s epic east coast adventure I forget completely and epically.

I decided it was a good idea for us to do a road trip to the East Coast of Canada.  I’d only been to Halifax once, and after the beauty of Scotland I wanted to discover the beauty of our eastern shores.  When I mentioned this in planning to BHE’s mother she exclaimed “oh I’ve always wanted to go to P.E.I., it’s on my bucket list”.  Normally I’d blurt out an invitation without hesitation, but I kept my mouth shut until I could discuss it with BHE in private.  Would it be okay if she came too?  Yep.  Cool!   She’s tiny, she can fit in the back seat with the boys.

Fabulous, 5 people in a CR-V, 4,500 kms, 5 Provinces, 7 hotels in 10 days … BRING IT!  I was stoked.  I’d ordered 10’ iPad charging cables and dual-head lighter adapter charges so the boys could remain plugged into the matrix.  Youngest boy was properly medicated with gravol and oldest boy sat in the middle so he could look out the front window, both avoiding car sickness.  We took pictures, ate local fare, and took ferries and bridges, stayed in B&B’s, motels and hotels.  Lots of souvenirs shopping, swimming in hotel pools and laughter ensued.    By the time we returned home, we were exhausted but basking in the good memories.

Then I had a chat with my friend who was looking after our house while we were away.  She, like BHE is an introvert and she said when I told her about the trip she said it sounded like a living hell.  WHAAATTT?  But it was great family bonding time, the boys were really good, the food was epic …. But that’s me.  I thrive on energy, on being around people, on doing things.  DH needs his down time; he needs to recharge his batteries from the energy sucking extroverts like me and the boys.  I immediately felt so bad.  Why didn’t he say something?  Why didn’t he tell me to cut it shorter?  I asked my closest group of on line friends this question and they all agreed, he didn’t because he loves me.  He knew that trip was exactly what I wanted and did whatever was needed to make it happen.  That’s how lucky I am, that he always puts me and my needs first. 

So, this week, I’ll get the gifts sent to their father’s for a couple of days.  I’ll do all the chores, I’ll make sure our home is a calm place where he can recharge and be able to look back on the vacation with the joy and happiness I have.   Next time, I’ll shorten the trip, fewer places, longer stays at each place and ensure there’s some quiet down time for him and I together.

A weekend of discovery

Well, this past weekend was supposed to be about BBE’s work Christmas Party.  While we were in the cozy Amsterdam Brewhouse enjoying our flight of Tempest Stouts and some delicious food, he asks me “How would you feel if we didn’t go to the Party tonight and just hung out”.  OH HELL YES PLEASE!  It’s not that I don’t want to know his coworkers, a few of them (just from the stories) I’m actually rather interested in meeting, but I don’t really like sharing my time with him, and given the opportunity, YES I’m going to jump at the chance to have him all to myself!  That’s when we also realized the tickets were still safely hanging from the fridge. 

Yay, I get a whole weekend and I don’t have to share him.  The gifts were with their father and we had NOTHING else planned until 6:00 pm Sunday evening.  It’s time to chat!  We have talks about how things are, how things are going.  If there’s anything bothering either of us, if anything is missing.  We haven’t had one of these talks in AGES so it felt awesome to be able to resume it.  One of the things we talked about is that BBE considers himself to be an Introvert.  That really surprised me because I find him incredibly outgoing and charismatic (traits not often associated with an introvert).  He sent me this image via facebook and I had a read over.

Many of the points I consider common courtesy and wouldn’t do to ANYONE, being introverted or extroverted!

1.    Respect their need for privacy

2.    Never embarrass them in public

3.    Let them observe first in new situations

4.    Give them time to think, don’t demand instant answers

5.    Don’t interrupt them

6.    Give them advance notice of expected changes in their lives

7.    Give them 15 minutes warning to finish whatever they’re doing

8.    Reprimand them privately

9.    Teach them new skills privately

10.  Enable them to find ONE best friend who has similar interests & abilities

11.  Don’t push them to make lots of friends

12.  Respect their Introversions and don’t try to remake them into an Extrovert.

Ok, so here’s what I think. 

#1 & #2 that should be everyone.  You should always respect people’s privacy and NEVER embarrass anyone in public.  However, I’m a loud extrovert, if I embarrass him, it will be unintentional, but I’ll try to watch it.

#3 Ok, this is food for thought.  I tend to jump into most situations (often without a clue) and will stumble around until I figure it out.  Perhaps I should try to observe first too, it sounds like a WAY smarter way of doing things.

#4 this one is hard for me.  When I want to know something I can be pretty darned impatient.  However, I have learned that when I ask something (regarding feelings or sensitive topic) I’m best served to give him time to think about his answer.  We have MUCH better communication that way and fewer misunderstandings.

#5 this one should go for anyone.  It’s a sign of respect to listen and NOT interrupt.  As well, when you interrupt you’re not ACTIVELY listening to what someone is saying, you’re just trying to be heard.

#6 yes, this one is hard.  With two full time employed people with commutes and two active boys, sometimes things have to be done on the fly.  We try to organize and anticipate as much as possible, but this one will likely be an ongoing challenge.

#7 he HATES it when I act like I expect him to drop what he’s doing when I say something.  Of course he does, that’s RUDE.  Wow, extroverts are a royal PITA huh?

#8 I would NEVER reprimand him, publically or privately, but I address anything private … PRIVATELY.

#9 hey, you don’t need to know what goes on behind closed doors!  :-P

#10 fortunately for this extrovert, that introvert is also my best friend <3 o:p="">

#11 I don’t push him to do anything. 

#12 we’ve already got 3 extroverts in the house, I’m so grateful we’ve got this amazing introvert to keep us all sane.

I have some on line friends that are Introverts, but I’ve usually been surrounded by other type A extroverts all my life, so I find these types of learning’s very valuable!