Why is saying “I’m sorry” so difficult for some people?

I’m Canadian; the jokes about how we are always so quick to apologise are prevalent.   When you bump into a Canadian, they apologise to you … that’s how we roll.    However, I know from past experience this isn’t always true.  Manners are a big thing for me.  I say please and thank you if I think I’ve offended or hurt someone I’m the first to apologise.  I’ve taught the boys that it’s okay to make mistakes, be wrong, but make sure you’re sorry for it and express it.  My ex-husband is TERRIBLE for this.  He’d NEVER apologise and it made me feel like crap.  I once called him out on it and he actually said: “really, we’ve been together long enough we don’t have to do that” … what … be kind … respectful?  Ergo one of the many reasons he’s the ex-husband.  BestHusbandEver always apologises; if we’re arguing (which is rare), he’ll stop, think about things and apologise if appropriate.  To this day it still catches me off guard, and I love it.

I had a situation this week where an apology would have gone a LONG way, but it didn’t happen.  I was hosting Girls Night In for 3 friends.  We try to get together once every couple of months.  Last month it was an impromptu night with one of the girls, so I hosted.  We had a great time, so we decided to repeat it for this month.  Schedules are tricky, I try to make it when BHE is on nights and the gifts are at their dads' so we can enjoy ourselves uninterrupted.  We set everything up via email and Facebook messenger.  It was all a go.  It’s a lot of work, I work 8.5 hours a day, have 2 hours of commuting, on the way home I stopped at the store and picked up $60 worth of meats, cheese, dips, fruit, veg, etc to nibble on.  I get home, empty the dishwasher, tidy the front room, look after the pets in need, tidy the living room, set up the food plates and am ready for the girls to show up at 6:30. 

*cue ticking clock*

I get a text message from M.  She’s a part-time WFH mother.  She loved this date because her husband was off for the week (March Break) so she could be on time.  She kindly kept me up to date on her progress “just leaving in 15” … “be there soon” … “just picking up wine” … and she arrived at 7:30. 

About 8:00 we get a FB message from C “OMG I totally gapped, I’m stuck at work, we’re really busy”.  That was all.  No apology, just that.  C and her husband own a pub and act like they have children as they have two dogs.  She BARELY works, and we picked this night specifically because it was good for her.  I was annoyed.

I’d texted K at 7:30 asking if she was still coming … and didn’t hear back until 8:30.  “I’m just leaving work from a meeting that went way overdue L” K works part time for a brewery, no kids … seriously?  BHE even made her a fresh loaf of Rye Bread because she loves it.

How hard is it to put a reminder in your calendar?  How hard is it to say “I’m sorry, I’m late or I can’t make it” … or just “I’m sorry”.   I wonder if it’s because the plans were made in cyber-space so people think they don’t matter.  When did common courtesy become so uncommon?  What their actions told me was “you don’t matter, your feelings don’t matter” and that hurts. 

Needless to say, I’m going to take a bit of a break from K & C.  I’m not going to be mean or rude; I’m just going to take my foot off the gas in an effort to reach out.   I love organising big or small social events … I just hate it when your guests suck. 

Trying to let it go

Don't worry, I'm not about to bust into some Frozen tunes, but I'm finding myself challenged at work currently.  Don't get me wrong, I love my job, like most of my coworkers and have a great boss.  I'm happier here than I've ever been at a job.  Most days are great, but right now I'm annoyed beyond belief and need to figure it out.

I work in a department of 4 women, one man and a male boss.  Most of the time it's harmonious and pretty laid back.  Right to the point of sometimes punctuality goes right out the window.  Last week we were pretty bad for it.  The boss will randomly come in late, and we'll all start to follow that pattern.  We all started to abuse the flexibility last week to the point where the boss sent an email about respecting the start times, but it only went to the ladies.  The other male coworker is one of the worst offenders, but that is actually a different story.  

This happens, it's cyclical, we get told to straighten up, communicate with the team better and obey the rules and we usually do.  This time, however, TCW is still running rogue.  We've been told to honour the start times.  There are two approved start times, either 8-430 or 830-5, and TCW continues to stroll in around 915.  She says she works until 6 but I know from personal experience, that when the boss leaves (usually by 5) she's out the door minutes later.  We're also supposed to let the team know what's up. She never does.  She wasn't in the office at all yesterday, and today I found out it was due to an "off site meeting".  She took an ENTIRE day off for a 1 hour meeting with a 90 minute drive on either side of it.  Then today, she strolls in after 915 again.

I know it shouldn't be my business, but she's been promoted (to a level above me) during my employment there and she's also had her workload reduced, where I keep getting more dumped on me.  

I know that life isn't fair, but it's not equitable and it's starting to really piss me off.  I could go to my boss, but I don't know how to voice my concerns without sounding like a whiner.  I could go to HR, but that's TCWs style, not mine.  I know that I should just let it roll off my back and let Karma get her, but I'm having a hard time letting this one go.

Its Murphy’s Monday!

Ick, it’s been a day.  The gifts were a tad slow moving this morning.  Littlest gift wanted breakfast at home (instead of daycare) and eldest gift was having trouble getting out of bed.  Not too bad, but a little slower than our usual pace.  I hadn’t packed the boys lunches the night before (I’m a little challenged on room in the fridge at the moment) so I had to pack their lunches … TOTALLY forgetting the lunchables in littlest gifts lunch.  Shoot, sorry dude.

I finally collect, my apple, coffee, purse, laptop, indoor shoes, the boys snow-pants, eldest project, bag of gaming stuff to go to their dad’s, their backpacks and the boys and we head to the garage.  It’s been a ridiculous winter, 37’ of snow and counting, so BBE lets me park in the garage.  Everyone is in; car is loaded with stuff … CONTACT.  We open the garage door and …

DAMMIT

There’s my truck.  Shoot, BBE blew out the driveway yesterday and forgot to put the truck back on the other side.  Muttering a few choice phrases, I go back in the house, grab the truck keys, minimally brush it off, and move it to the other side of the driveway.  Ok, this time for realz … CONTACT.

I get the boys dropped off at daycare, now 40 minutes behind schedule and I look down and the car is out of windshield wiper fluid.  Oh for the love of all things purple … I have to stop at a gas station, buy fluid, fill it up and hit the road.  Apparently people took there “let’s inflict some RAGE on techy today” pills, as EVERY MORON who wanted to coast in the passing lane was out.  Muther Effer!  I finally pull in to work 45 minutes late, but beat my coworkers and decide ok, it’s done; my day can get better now …

But no, of course not.  I’ve been working on this MASSIVE new product line that has been evaluated, changed, tweaked, rebranded, resourced, redesigned and basically screwed with for a year.  I’m finally seeing a light at the end of a tunnel (praying it’s not a train) and I get a bunch of proofs back on my desk and almost lost it.  The R&D manager, who I’ve come to learn, is incredibly bright but epically lazy.  Changed a bunch of information, and asked questions (to which he should know the answer) and is sending my program spinning again.  I LOST IT.  I fired off an email, reminding him that he’d already proofed and approved ALL this information.  Is he “sure” this time?  Really?  UGH.  I have to go back to the drawing board on about 30% of the program.  Fortunately I’ve got the time and manpower to handle it, it’s not one of my “critical timeline” items, but GEZZZ this guy drives me NUTS.  He was told to proof the info MONTHS ago.  He simply shrugged and said “hey man, everyone makes mistakes”.

*deep breath*

All I can say is that it’s a good thing BBE is home tonight, that’ll cheer me up.  I’ll put this Monday behind me and try to be grateful that these days are the exception, not the rule!

The mommy wars, FAT version.

I belong to an amazing group of women.  We met on a site 8+ years ago, and when that site did some upgrades, we migrated to a FB page.  It’s very LOW drama, and generally the women there get along and are helpful and supportive.  I’m not saying we all sign kumbai and cyber hold hands, but based on some other “private” groups I’ve seen, we really do this well. 

A few days ago I posted a WWYD (What Would You Do) regarding custody, favours and history with an ex-spouse.  While I was expecting a bit of a kick in the pants (I love these women because along with kind, they’re generally honest) but one of the moms (honestly the one I expected it from the least) went off the deep end and cyber ”tore me a new one”.  Ok, she must have been having a bad day.  I responded to her post with what I hoped was cool kindness, and the situation seemed relatively diffused.  Life goes on, no big deal.

Today one of the mom’s posted an interesting article from a fitness mom (that’s her job, she’ works in a health club) with a muscle toned body and her three young boys with the title “What’s your excuse?”  She wanted to know how we all felt about it.  It was pretty common that “what’s your excuse” as a motivator is negative, but things that motivate people to get into shape are generally good.  So … “good for her, but I’m never going to look like that” was the most common consensus.  Ok, if I worked 8 hours a day in a gym, I would EXPECT to be in great shape.  But I don’t.  I work 9.5 hours a day at a computer, drive 2.5 hours a day (with no traffic, weather or accidents) for work.  I need to sleep at least 9 hours a night, that leaves me 3 hours.  Oh yes, I like to spend time with my boys, pack their lunches, organize their clothes, do laundry, eat, clean the house …. Ok, I have exactly 1.5 minutes per day to work out.  Is that an excuse?  Well, I could work out on weekends, or on weeks the boys are at their fathers, but sometimes I just need to chill!  It’s not an excuse, it’s a matter of priorities, and apparently, at the moment, my priority isn’t to enter the Ms World contest. 

I wonder if the woman in the picture goes home and works out more?  When she’s done working for the day is she developing exceptional brand presentations to further the company’s corporate goals?  No … really then, what is her excuse?

Ok, my rant about that done, but back to my women’s group.  I was good when it was all “good for her, but I don’t have time”.  Then some of the mom’s are like “oh I hate it when people say they don’t have time, they’re just not making it a priority.  GEEEEZZZZ.  Ok, I made time for it last year, worked out 3 hours a day 6 days a week because I had the buffer to do it (was still living with exh and he would be home with the kids).  I don’t have time, could I do more?  Sure, will I look that that woman, or any person whose JOB it is to work on their body?  Nope, so lay off the “you have the time, you choose not to make it a priority” lines, that’s obnoxious.

This just boggles my mind.

In case you haven’t heard, Toronto has had some trouble … apparently we should call it “antics” with its Mayor. Rob Ford has been an outspoken (loud mouth) bigger than life (how’d that weight loss challenge go there Mr. Mayor?) rule breaking (oh texting and driving, DUI in Florida, accusations of improper fund raising, libeling a business, getting wasted at charity fund raisers, accused of smoking CRACK COCAINE) joy of a political figure for Toronto. He’s got an agenda, apparently to stop the gorging at the public trough, gravy train style politics in Toronto, but apparently he also has lies, broken promises, deception and drug use on that agenda.


While it doesn’t amaze me that people with big egos falter, and even lie and cover up their transgressions, it’s the blatant blindness of the people of Toronto to either forgive him or simply not care that an absolute TRAIN WRECK of a person is running the largest city in CANADA!

News Story - Ford popularity not affected ...

Holy crap people … SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?!?!?!

He was just FIRED from his VOLUNTEER coaching job from a local high school, because they were sick of being tainted with his stupidity, but there seems to be a good lot of people in Toronto that still think he’s doing an A-OK job!

Let me be VERY clear. I do not live in Toronto, and if I did, I wouldn’t have voted for this joker in the first place. Yep, call me elitist, but I think our public servants should be held to AT LEAST the standards of your average worker or soccer mom, not this insanely out of control lunatic.

It’s a shame Intervention was cancelled, Ford would have been a top rated show!