Inside the magic box

This week, being “single girl” week as BBE is working nights and the gifts are at their fathers, I had the chance to have an old friend over for a coffee after work.  I haven’t seen (or even really spoken to) this friend in about 2 years.  It was simply a matter of our lives were on different paths and they weren’t intersecting.  There was no reason for not talking; there was just nothing to connect us.   Out of the blue, she posts on my wall that she’d love to get together for a coffee, so we did.  Both of us have had a LOT of changes over the past two years.  Each being on a different journey, but getting together again, the years melted away and it was like we were hanging out just last week. 

I’m like that with people, some people, and most people actually.  I understand that sometimes people are in your life for an event, or a period of time, and as long as there are no hard feelings, no transgression that’s passed that you can’t get over, that reconnection is a good thing.

I find, these days, that many of my closest friends are trapped in the little silver box (the laptop or the iPad).  I connect with people as far away as Australia, she being a RL friend who flew off for a new adventure and another dear friend who lives in England.  These are some of my best friends and whether we email every day, or once a month, I still feel as close and connected to them as anyone.  As well, I have two amazing and different groups of women I know on line only.  I’ve never met ANY of these women (all told about 40 of them) in real life, but some of them I consider my best friends.  I follow their blogs, and their posts in our private groups and we celebrate our successes and happiness together and hold one another together through the tough times.  Although I’ve never met any of these ladies, I feel closer to them than those who I’ve called “friends” for the past 10 years.  I find that due to life (changes in jobs, marital changes, etc) that friends just naturally ebb and flow from your life.  I’ve gotten to know and forgotten many people on line, but these “special friends” (the wm’s and the lnl’s) hold a special place in my heart and I’ll never let them go.

Then I look at my “real life” friends and I’m really disappointed (with the exception of one mother of a classmate to the oldest gift).  I’ve invited them to events, offered to do things for them, tried to engage them and I barely get a response, and if I do it’s ALWAYS negative.  I get that everyone has a life, but I’m finding a lot of them using “busy family” as an excuse to be rude and not even make an effort to help out.  I hate it when people disappoint me, but I’m truly fortunate to have some spectacular friends, it’s just that many of them live inside the magic box.

He talks to me.

That’s likely one of the most unique things (for me) about this relationship. A smart person tries to look at their past, learn from their mistakes. Mistakes are a good thing, we learn more from our mistakes than our successes. It wasn’t the only mistake in my marriage, but communication SUCKED from day one, but there wasn’t a big attempt on either side to fix it.


Now, it’s a key focus of the relationship. We actually SCHEDULE time to “talk” with no distractions once a week. It’s not the only time we talk, or text, or email, or IM … but it’s a sacred time for each of us to ensure we are always open and honest with one another. We call them our meetings and they’re always in our bedroom, by the fireplace in the sitting area. No phones, to tv’s or computers, just us, comfortable seating and talking. It’s AWESOME. It’s always when the boys aren’t there, so that it isn’t interrupted.

This past weekend’s meeting was the best yet. It was structured in such a way, delicate issues were address, and with our open and honest dialogue, we cleared up some outstanding issues and moved forward. It’s amazing, how being able to trust the person you’re talking to, gives you the strength to be honest and lay yourself out there. We talked for 2 hours (it’s typically an hour) and then hopped in the truck and continued the conversation on the drive down to my mother’s place (birthday dinner for my sister).

I NEVER feel as relaxed as when it’s just him and me and we’re talking. I trust that he’ll listen to me. I trust that he wants to make me happy. I trust that my happiness is important to him. I trust that he loves me, for me. I dealt with 15 years of not trusting, and it’s amazing the freedom and power it gives you to trust. There’s no stress with him, only love, happiness and freedom.