I still can’t wrap my head around it.

Admittedly I try to be a positive person, but I had the wind taken out of my sails this week by family.  My darling husband and I, who ran off to Vegas to get married, are finally having our Wedding Reception this June.    I had intended to have our reception on the last Sunday in June, but then work threw a wrench into my plans.  Our annual sales meeting got pushed back, clashing with the wedding, so I spoke to my darling husband and the venue we booked and we were able to move it up a week. 

I was at my mother’s in February, celebrating my sister’s birthday when I happened to mention a date change.  “oh hey guys, we had to move the date to the 21^st, and that happens to be father’s day”.  Immediately my brother-in-law was angry, “well that’s not going to work, can you move it to Saturday”.   Ummmm WTF?  My sister pipes in with “that’s our annual father’s day BBQ for his father, and he takes it very seriously”.  I’m shocked, I asked “can’t you do the BBQ on Saturday?”  My sister mumbles “I’ll see what we can do.”  I was surprised, I mean I get it, Father’s day is a big day, but surely his father would understand that a WEDDING takes priority.

So I went about setting up the event, sending out invitations and I got a scathing email from my mother.  She’s disappointed in me, that I wouldn’t move the date; that I’m being selfish.  I was floored.  This from the woman who said my Vegas wedding was tacky, that we left her out by running off to Vegas; this from the woman that EVERY TIME I make an effort to invite her up, she usually declines.  When my sister had her son (younger than both my two gifts) my mother posted to facebook of “I finally have a grandson”.  Who constantly complained about me going to my former in-laws to look after my boys when I needed help (because they would move heaven and earth to do so) the first time I asked my mother, she thought it would be better to have the 4 year old and 7 year old in the house while their father moved out (so I went back to the former in-laws and again they came to the rescue).  I’ve spoken about these incidents to a close group of friends on line and one of them posted “you’re just not a priority for them (meaning my mother and sister)” and the truth of that hit me like a wrecking ball.

So my brother in law isn’t coming, and I told my sister while I’m baffled at the extreme importance of Father’s Day for her family, I would never ask her to choose between me and her husband.  She should choose her husband, because if the roles were reversed, I would choose my husband in a heartbeat.  I also emailed my mother asking if she’d like me to help arrange a ride for her or if she’ll be opting out as well.   They keep telling me I’m only thinking of myself, that I’m being selfish, and they’re making me question myself.  I think of myself as a “do anything for family & friends” type of person, I don’t just help them move, I’d help them move a body, but to get treated like this, but those who are supposed to love you and be there for you no matter what … it’s heartbreaking.