Why wait so long to be happy?

It’s only one reason, fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of hurting someone. I know … oh boy do I know. I spent YEARS in a marriage where I felt like nothing more than a pay-cheque and a piece of furniture. When I told him I was lonely, he’d tell me that was bullsh!t.; nothing like having your feelings nullified, and completely disregarded. I thought our downfall was communication, but it wasn’t, it was trust. The trust was not only broken, but ruined early on. I believe (to this day) that trust can be broken, then earned back. When one heart is open to fixing things, and the other heart is committed to doing whatever it takes to gain the trust back, I truly believe it can happen. I’ve SEEN it happen, but that was not the case for me. After having my trust broken, when I was at my most vulnerable, I was asked to offer a chance, to trust that he’d do the right thing and be honest with me. I did … then found out, years later, he’d continued to lie about things.


It didn’t matter what happened after that, what we tried, what we wanted to work, the foundation was destroyed and it was impossible to rebuild. It’s not that we didn’t try, and in the end he tried as well, I believe that, but I think at that time we were just afraid to fail, even though we were NEVER going to succeed. He’s not a bad man, I’m not a bad woman, we just weren’t right for each other. It took me a LONG time to accept that. I’d say too long, but it wasn’t, I learned at lot of lessons, what I want, more importantly what I don’t want. What I need and what I need to give to my partner, to be happy. I have the two most amazing sons, and finally a best friend, who blossomed into the love of my life.

The most amazing thing about my love now is that it’s SOLID. Even the baggage from my past, and the baggage from his, is something he and I can discuss openly and comfortably. We’re not perfect (granted we’re so close it’s scary ;) but we’re happy, we communicate, we enjoy one another and our life together. We want the same things, we want to be together, and we want the other to be as happy as we are. It’s ALL positive, it’s all good, and it’s what love should be.

When I started telling people about the divorce, and how different and incredible my life is now, many people are open with their woes. So many people are unhappy, something is holding them back, whether it’s the tools to fix what’s wrong in their relationship, or leave to be happy alone, or find someone else. I know that fear, I lived it, and fortunately with the support and love of my friends and family, I was able to choose to be happy. I hope those that I come across have the opportunity to be happy as well.