Our national shame.

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-42997697

I don’t know how to process this.  I’ve sat there like Judgey McJudgerson looking at the US with their racial divides and wonder how it got that bad.  How do they tolerate such horrific treatment of black Americans?  Why can’t they all just get along and stop the racism?  Then a story like Colten Boushie comes along and reminds me that we’re (Canada) just as bad, if not worse in our treatment of our Indigenous People. 

We’ve put these people on reservations that are just like living in poverty.  We’ve taken their children away to “improve their quality of life” … with white parents.  Their drug and alcohol abuse rates are significantly higher than the average Canadian, along with their suicide rates.  We tend to look down our noses at “Native Canadians” as less than, and we seem to not be bothered by it.  We were raised to believe they were lazy, entitled, less-than … we were raised as racist bigots.  The treatment of these people is horrific, yet Canadians seem more concerned about any other suffering people in the world, rather than those on their own doorstep.

What bothered me most is the more I read about the crime and horrific miscarriage of justice, the more it came apparent that our laws are so outdated and designed to serve the white man, the sicker I felt.

·        The fact that the three young men in the car with the victim were taken into custody for questioning before the white man who SHOT the victim. 

·        The fact that the defence was able to dismiss any juror that appeared aboriginal at all to load the jury with white men SCREAMS of the injustices of early 1900 America.

·        The fact that Canada does not have laws allowing one to use deadly force yet still, this man literally got away with murder makes my stomach roll.

I’m outraged; I’m sickened but is it enough to spur action?  What can I do?   I know I can raise my children to not be bigots.  To not judge people based solely on the colour of their skin, or where they were born.  That every Canadian deserves the same access and protection to the law and that the laws that disadvantage a specific segment of the society need to change.

We must not let Colten die in vain.  I hope he becomes the catalyst for change for the betterment of the First Nations. 

Ok, so it’s time for me to get on my soapbox!

Look, let’s remove all the hyperbole and the political mudslinging and look at the situation as it stands.   When I heard that former PC Provincial Party Leader Patrick Brown had resigned his leadership over allegations of sexual misconduct I was hardly shocked.  It’s likely one of the worst-kept secrets in Barrie (PB’s home riding) that he’s a sleaze-ball in the bars and spends WAY too much money on printing for his propaganda.  When he was selected as the leader of the Provincial PC Party I groaned, rolled my eyes and said we’ll that’ll keep me off the PC bandwagon.

Now that the allegations are out, I see people asking “if everyone in Barrie knew why did they elect him?”  I can only answer with “some people suck”.  Rob Ford was elected and he was a drug-addicted slimeball who made fun of driving drunk and all around acted like an ass.  President Trump will “grab ‘em by the pussy” and he’s got one of the most powerful positions in the world.   People don’t care what happens to “others” as long as their own selfish needs are being met, it really is that simple.

So, the right-wingers and majority of scared males start with the “it’s the liberals doing this” … wow, that’d be a neat trick, but I honestly don’t think Kathleen Wynne is smart enough to pull this off.  The stories were genuine and heartfelt (something Wynne isn’t).  Then the … why did they wait 10 years?  Because until very recently the women coming forward were revictimized by victim blaming. 

“Why did the girls drink?” – because they were at a bar, that’s what you do.

“Why didn’t they say no?” – well, they actually did, very clearly.

“Why aren’t the police investigating?” – because sexual misconduct is not a crime, it’s a standard of conduct that we hold people in power too.  He was older, able to buy them drinks, give them jobs, have power over them and he used that.  He shouldn’t have, it was wrong.  This goes beyond single horny guy trying to get some, this is someone who plans to live their lives in the public eye as a leader, and a leader needs to be held to the highest standard.  When we don’t do that, we end up with President Trump!

Is Patrick Brown the worst sexual monster in the world?  Of course not, but he’s more than just a guy who gets shot down at bars, he uses his standing and power to try to get sexual acts out of young women, and that is simply wrong.

Not just ear pudding

In one morning, both of my favourite morning Radio Hosts managed to piss me off, causing me to change the station, for good.

It started with the announcement that Michelle Williams was paid $80 per day (per dieum) to reshoot scenes of her new movie “All the Money in the World” to put Christopher Plummer in to take out Kevin Spacey.  Kevin is now on the blacklist for his actions and lack of an authentic apology of allegations of previous sexual assault.  However, her co-star in the movie, Mark Whalburg needed $1.5 million dollars to participate in the reshoot, very clearly highlighting that there is an obvious wage disparity between the genders.  As Charlie finishes telling this story her cohost Dale breaks in with “I’m sick of this, all I have to say is that she needs a better agent”.  Charlie pretty much stopped talking as my jaw hit the floor.  I’m sorry old white man; you think you know how the world works?  Well guess what, Michelle Williams HAD the SAME agency as Markie Mark.  So it’s not just a “she should negotiate better” but rather SCREAMING out that women are not valued monetarily what men are.

I’m seething but I’m thinking, well, he may be an old, out of touch fart, but Charlie is still good.  Then … she proceeds to break my heart as she totes the amazing mothering advice with Kelly Clarkson who believes hitting children is a positive parenting trait.  WAIT, its 2018, you STILL believe that spanking your kid is ANYTHING other than you losing your control? 

Gross, thankfully I have B101, even if my favourite announcer from there went on a new path a few months ago, music is still good and you don’t get that echo chamber effect of idiots talking out of their asses.    Goodbye 107.5 Koolfm Barrie, and good riddance. 

One to grow on

Sometimes you get so mired in your own thoughts and ideas, you fail to recognize what’s right in front of you.  Last Halloween, we had a pumpkin carving contest at work.  My department (Marketing) won against Sales, Customer Service and the Warehouse teams.  We’re marketing creative and cool is what we do.  Then, two months later we had a gingerbread house building party.  Once again we were wildly creative but lost out to the Customer Service team.  I figured we paid the Marketing Penalty that we couldn’t win everything, and like our annual awards, it’s pretty much participation and who would win “this time”.    We’d built an awesome gingerbread house with a snowy lawn and a drunken snowball fight between snowmen and gingerbread men.  I was disappointed we didn’t win, but whatever …

Marketing

Customer Service - the winner

We missed the pumpkin carving this year, but they resurrected the gingerbread house contest.  One of my newer coworkers was appointed captain by our boss and she promptly picked a beach theme.  The team worked on this all week.  We planned, plotted, decorated, expanded and (we thought) knocked it out of the park.  We brought our creation out of the lab and scoped out the competition.  It wasn’t even close (in our minds) we had this with totally creative and out of the box thinking and design. 

Marketing 

Well, Customer Service won again.

We were stunned.  Their entry was pretty, but ours was EPIC.  I figured they were just playing nice with the Customer Service team that always takes shit and has a tough job.  Marketing and Sales get all the accolades and awards, the travel and the perks, so let CS have this?  That was all I could think.  Our Captain decided to dig further, whereas the rest of us had simply shrugged our shoulders and given up.  She decided to find out what the “scorecard” was.  Once she had that information it became very clear why the CS team had one and we had lost.  We had this “post-Christmas Santa getaway Beach house” theme, which wasn’t what the judges were looking for at all.  They were judging on “how Christmasy it was” which ours really wasn’t and “how nice the piping was” we didn’t have any piping.  That was the eye-opening moment for me.  We didn’t know where the goal post was, how the hell were we ever going to make the shot?  Instead of looking for what the judges wanted, we gave them what we wanted, and as a result, we lost.  It was an epiphany moment because that would relate to our work as well.  Instead of pushing what WE want on our customer, we need to really dig to find out what the customer WANTS that’s the only way to win.

So, next year, before we take a knife to pumpkin or icing to gingerbread, I’m going to find out what it’s going to be judged on, and do THAT.

Doing the mom thing right!

Following my friends on FaceBook, I often do the quizzes that my friends do, just to see how I fair, because the answers are sometimes hysterical or I just want to prove how epically Canadian I am.  Today a friend of mine did a word cloud.  I find these fascinating because it shows the words you often use and the more you use a word, the bigger it is in the cloud. 

Here is mine.

For a minute I was awash with guilt.  While both boys’ names are there, they’re TINY.  I thought “I can’t share that!” what will people think?  That I don’t talk about my kids enough?  Then it hit me.

• I’m not just a mom.
• I’m not just an employee.
• I’m not just a wife.
• I’m not just a family member.
• I’m not just a best friend.
• I’m not just a baseball fan.

I’m many things, all of the above and more.  I don’t live solely for my children and I’m not just “their mom”.  I’m a dynamic person with a lot of passions and apparently a lot of happiness.  BHE and I do a LOT of things together.  We go on adventures, we explore new things, and we get out and about so it’s obvious that he’d be the biggest name.  It’s obvious I’m living my best life full of love and happiness.

There’s no shame in my game.  I love my kids, they’re a very important part of my life and an important part of me, but I don’t live only for them, I live with them and they get to see what a happy and fulfilled parent looks like.  I know they’re happy and well loved and I’m thrilled with the balance and joy in my life.

Trust

It's one word, five letters; yet so powerful, so important, so easily damaged and so hard to repair.   I’ve had trust issues for most of my life.  My father is an ass.  Always has been, always will be.  For the last 20+ years that he’s been completely out of my life has been a blessing.  My ex-husband lost my trust early in the relationship and never even tried to regain it.  He lied, a lot or he’d purposely leave out pertinent information.  I didn’t trust him and it was a huge part of the demise of our marriage. 

In business, I’ve seen a lot of young bucks say “fake it until you make it”.  I remember doing that, I’d make up answers that sounded plausible, but I really didn’t know.  That burned me a few times and one of my best leaders taught me that “I don’t know, but I’ll find out and get back to you” is a WAY better answer than anything else I could say if I didn’t know.  Once people peg you as a liar, you lose their trust, and that’s ridiculously hard to earn back.

TCW (Toxic CoWorker) is a liar.  I’ve caught her a number of times either blatantly lying to cover her ass or getting hyperbolic and blowing things way out of proportion.  Now, I simply ignore her.  I know I can’t trust her.  It’s a shame; a lot of people do trust her and end up getting burned by her over and over again.  I did, in the beginning, but I’ve since learned my lesson.  It really sucks, having to keep your eye on someone who will knife you in the back faster than she’ll even smile at you.  She’s not even subtle about it.  I walked past her bitching about me to FCW (Flakey CoWorker) in FCW’s office with the door open.  She’d not said a word to me, but she’d bitched about me to one of the sales guys (who told me) so I knew what she was complaining about. 

Two weeks ago TCW was out with that Sales Guy and one of our US colleagues.   She’d texted me in the middle of the day “Do you know where Staples HO is?”  *sigh* again, complete lack of manners drives me absolutely bat-shit.  I was tempted to simply ignore her text, but there was no need to punish SG or USC because she’s a cow.  I simply responded with “yes” but at the same time emailed the address to her and SG.  Apparently, she exploded in the car calling me all sorts of names (she didn’t look at her email).  She texted back “please” and I immediately responded with “already emailed it to you”.  She was complaining about what a bitch I was to FCW, I just looked at both of them, smirked and walked away.

She’s taught me that no matter how nice she can appear I cannot trust her.   She also reminds me that I don’t want to lose other people's trust.  It’s very important, and obviously more important that she knows.  I've finally got a marriage based on trust, love and respect.  I've built a reputation at work based on trust, respect and quality.  I know and respect its value.  

Rising from the ashes

Following up from yesterday.

http://www.680news.com/2017/05/18/pillar-suspended-2-games-yelling-homophobic-slur/

In a nutshell, he's been suspended for two games and appears embarrassed and sorry for using a homophobic slur.  I understand that he felt it was "in the heat of the moment", but that's a word you should never reach for unless you're compiling a bundle of sticks!  

I'm not ready to burn my Kevin Pillar bobble head in effigy, but rather watch, and see what becomes of this.  He apologized to the pitcher, he apologized to the other team, but most importantly he's apologized to the LGBTQ community who are most affected by this.  People screw up, and hopefully, he's learned that words do matter and he should take such horrific words out of his vocabulary.

He can learn and grow from this, a LOT of people (based on the reaction online) can learn and grow from this.