The calm after the storm

*whew* I made it.  The last two months have been an absolute blur.  Between the reception, the Sales Conference and the absolutely epic honeymoon in Scotland, I feel like a whole new person.  Through the wringer and I’ve come out all fresh and new.

The wedding reception:

Well my mother showed up and my long time friend Jeremy did a great job of babysitting her so she wasn’t any issue.  I even managed to work her into my speech on the fly.  It was a wonderful night.  Unfortunately as it was a Sunday night, when the staff started to clear the tables for dancing, everyone thought it was over and left.  That left BHE, the two gifts, Marvelous Miss M, me and the staff to party away the night.  A good time was had by all!

The Sales Conference:

Another roaring success!  I won the Leadership Award for Marketing.  This one is called the “big” award as it’s not always handed out, and they asked me to make a speech, in front of my 500 closest friends and colleagues!  I was very kind in my speech, thanking my bosses for their guidance, leadership, and trust to run my categories.  I thanked basically everyone I worked with from R&D to sales, to the support crew.  I was complimented and some of my US colleagues were emailing me congrats during the speech.  It was a great night.  

There was also the fair share of drama from my team.  TCW had thrown her back out and ended up in the hospital seeking pain meds.  She even was carried off the plane back in Toronto and hospitalized.  She blew off work for a couple of days then went on her vacation, she’s is the longest, slowest train wreck I’ve ever seen.  Another coworker had strep throat, my new coworker was a complete ditz, and the sales guys were warring with one another.  So much drama for supposed adults!

The honeymoon:

Honestly, I could live there, rather happily.  BHE and I agreed we should just send for the gifts and stay there.  The people were warm and friendly, the weather was mostly good.  Okay, it did rain a few times, but it’s Scotland for crying out loud, what do you expect?  The food was amazing, I ate seafood for 11 days, breakfast, lunch and dinner.  I’m so bummed you can’t get smoked haddock here easily!  I have to find it as I HAVE to make cullin skink!  The scenery was EPIC and the whisky was flowing, really, what more could you ask for. 

Now it’s back to reality.  I’m back to work, BHE is back on nights, and I’ve got the gifts this week, so I’m playing catch up on single mom week; not the easiest thing in the world.  We brought souvenirs back for the gifts, family, friends, some of my coworkers in an attempt to share some of the land we love so much with some of the people we love!

We’re back into the routine of cleaning litter boxes and rat cages, trying to catch up on laundry.  Doing dinner while watching AFV, ensuring the iPad Mini’s are fully charged for the next day at daycare.  It’s a slow process returning to normal life, so I’m trying to be as gentle as possible on all of us.

This upcoming weekend, we’re hoping to go to the drive in with friends, let’s hope the weather holds out.  

WAIIIIIIIIIIIIT

Seriously, I need to slow down and catch my breath.  Things seem to be happening so quickly and life is just FLYING by.  I guess that’s what happens when you’re having fun, but it’s leaving me a tad breathless.  In less than two weeks I have my big wedding reception.  I’ve been reaching out to the caterer and the event manager, trying to tie up all the loose ends and I’m starting to feel a bit frantic.  I wanted to get the little gifts to try on their outfits last weekend, but as the weekend went by in a blur, that didn’t happen.  Crap, I still have to reach out to the butter tart place and order 100 butter tarts … and someone still needs shoes.  ARGH!  I know I’m forgetting something else ….

Right after the event, I have to get on a plane and fly to Arizona for an annual work conference.  There’s a lot of schmoozing and I have to train the sales team on the new products along with train my new coworker on the products she’ll be taking over … and I’m going to put together that presentation when???

After that, I feel like I can finally breathe.  I can’t wait to touch down in Glasgow, feel my spirit take a big sigh of relief as I return to the motherland.  I can’t WAIT to spend 11 days straight, uninterrupted by life, and work, and kids with the love of my life.  I’m looking forward to seeing Skye and sampling local fare. 

The other thing is also what I’m dreading.  I hate drama, I hate confrontation (honestly, who really likes that stuff?).  I want it all to be laughter and fun times, but I’m still nervous about my mother and the wedding reception.  Best case scenario is that she calls (or more likely emails) the day before that she’s not feeling well, that her back has gone out, that for one of a thousand reasons she can’t make it.  Worst case scenario is that somehow she actually does show up, and she pisses me off with one of her thousand nasty comments on my special day.  She’s never met my maid of honour (who is transgender) and I’m terrified she’s say something completely asinine.  I’m worried that she’ll say something mean to me and finally my darling husband will tell her off.  I don’t want her to ruin my day, I wish she was happy for me, involved in my life, helpful with the wedding, but she never has been, so there’s no chance she’ll start now.

I know I shouldn’t worry about things that are beyond my control.  My amazing husband loves me to the moon and back and will ALWAYS have my back.  The little gifts are over the moon excited about taking a ride in a limo.  We all can’t WAIT to see Auntie Michaela and Uncle Jeremy as we’ve missed them so much lately.  It’s going to be a wonderful day, and I’m trying not to let one person sabotage it.  I know the only one who truly can blow it is me, so I need to chill, make a list, mark things off, delegate, get shit done and look forward to the honeymoon.

Easier said than done.

Sigh!

I'm THAT mom

I’m not sure if I ever mentioned, but ever four weeks is different for me.  My custody schedule with 1stH is rotating every other week.  We co-parent well, there’s no tension or animosity, and we try to help each other out as much as we can, so I’m very lucky on that front.  BHE works shift work, two weeks days, two weeks nights.  Therefore my life goes as follows:

Week 1 – nuclear family.  BHE picks up the gifts from daycare and we do usual family stuff in the evening.

Week 2 – young couple in love.  The gifts are at their father’s so it’s just BHE and me every evening.

Week 3 – single mom.  The gifts are with me, but BHE is on nights so it’s the mom show.

Week 4 – single lady.  The gifts are with their father and BHE is on nights so I basically binge watch Netflix and have popcorn and wine for dinner.  AKA the week the house stays clean.

It took a while to get used to this schedule.  I’d find week 3 crazy and week 4 lonely.  I’ve come to love and appreciate each week for how special they are.  I’m VERY lucky that BHE is an AMAZING step-dad and handles the kids as if they were his own by blood. 

Last night (it’s currently week 3) the night looked horrific.  The littlest gift had an eye appointment.  He’d been complaining about blurriness at school, but fortunately still has 20/20 vision and 1stH had booked an appointment for him at 5:30 the same night biggest gift has cub scouts.  Ok, tough, but not unmanageable.  Then I find out that the biggest gift has an offsite cubs night that starts an hour earlier and ends at the same time.   CRAP.  I reached out to 1stH and asked him to take care of littlest gift eye appointment and we’d work the rest out.  After the eye appointment 1stH offered to keep the littlest gift for the evening, I checked with littlest gift and he wanted that too, so I happily accepted the help, it was garbage night and my chore load was heavy. 

After dropping off the biggest gift at the Art Centre (downtown), I ordered the fundraiser pizza for dinner, picked up the mail, went home, cleaned the rat cage, did the garbages, unloaded the dishwasher, ate dinner, went back and picked up biggest gift and came home again.  Normally I’d feel a little frazzled dragging the littlest gift around with me, but it all went off without a hitch.  Biggest gift had an awesome night at cubs, came home, had dinner, watched a bit of TV with me and went to bed.  Wow, all that and it was EASY!  I realized managing one less child than normal makes life about 30 x easier (particularly when it’s only your easy child you’re working with).

Biggest gift is getting vested into his cub pack next week.  When I spoke to BHE about it last night on the phone, I couldn’t remember the term “vested” so I just told him he was being jumped in.  Ya, I’m THAT mom!

How do you know … if he really loves you?

That’s right, mysterious (MIA) blogger girl has resurfaced … catch her quick, she’s likely to disappear again for a long stretch of time.  I’ve always used my blog as a way to either A) work through something that’s troubling me or B) entertain myself.  As you can see by my utter lack of blogging, I haven’t been overly troubled as of later … and FB games have been entertaining me well.

I find myself half way between my wedding (Nov 7, 2014) and my reception (June 21, 2015).  The wedding was the easy part.  Call the chapel, book it and they take care of everything, the reception, on the other hand has been a bit more of a challenge.  That being said, it’s all coming together nicely.  My location is AH-MAZE-ING!!!!  Not only is it a GREAT location, it’s by the water and the owners are absolutely spectacular.  The caterer is looking pretty fly and OMG BHE and the boys in their kilts?  To die for!

Everything has been coming up Millhouse lately (man, I really don’t want to jinx it).

Today, I found this on FB, and it’s so utterly true!

I said that to BHE just last night.  We had a lovely evening alone where he picked up our favourite Thai, had a beautiful bottle of wine chilled and even bought me a new coffee mug for work (it says “Good Morning Beautiful”).  *melts* words are that and while I love hearing him tell me that he loves me, it’s amazing to see it and feel it through his actions.  That’s how I know he REALLY loves me, he makes me FEEL loved … every … single … day!.

I know, I’ll always get butterflies with him and that’s just another of the thousands of reasons that I am the luckiest girl ever and the happiest wife in the world!

I still can’t wrap my head around it.

Admittedly I try to be a positive person, but I had the wind taken out of my sails this week by family.  My darling husband and I, who ran off to Vegas to get married, are finally having our Wedding Reception this June.    I had intended to have our reception on the last Sunday in June, but then work threw a wrench into my plans.  Our annual sales meeting got pushed back, clashing with the wedding, so I spoke to my darling husband and the venue we booked and we were able to move it up a week. 

I was at my mother’s in February, celebrating my sister’s birthday when I happened to mention a date change.  “oh hey guys, we had to move the date to the 21^st, and that happens to be father’s day”.  Immediately my brother-in-law was angry, “well that’s not going to work, can you move it to Saturday”.   Ummmm WTF?  My sister pipes in with “that’s our annual father’s day BBQ for his father, and he takes it very seriously”.  I’m shocked, I asked “can’t you do the BBQ on Saturday?”  My sister mumbles “I’ll see what we can do.”  I was surprised, I mean I get it, Father’s day is a big day, but surely his father would understand that a WEDDING takes priority.

So I went about setting up the event, sending out invitations and I got a scathing email from my mother.  She’s disappointed in me, that I wouldn’t move the date; that I’m being selfish.  I was floored.  This from the woman who said my Vegas wedding was tacky, that we left her out by running off to Vegas; this from the woman that EVERY TIME I make an effort to invite her up, she usually declines.  When my sister had her son (younger than both my two gifts) my mother posted to facebook of “I finally have a grandson”.  Who constantly complained about me going to my former in-laws to look after my boys when I needed help (because they would move heaven and earth to do so) the first time I asked my mother, she thought it would be better to have the 4 year old and 7 year old in the house while their father moved out (so I went back to the former in-laws and again they came to the rescue).  I’ve spoken about these incidents to a close group of friends on line and one of them posted “you’re just not a priority for them (meaning my mother and sister)” and the truth of that hit me like a wrecking ball.

So my brother in law isn’t coming, and I told my sister while I’m baffled at the extreme importance of Father’s Day for her family, I would never ask her to choose between me and her husband.  She should choose her husband, because if the roles were reversed, I would choose my husband in a heartbeat.  I also emailed my mother asking if she’d like me to help arrange a ride for her or if she’ll be opting out as well.   They keep telling me I’m only thinking of myself, that I’m being selfish, and they’re making me question myself.  I think of myself as a “do anything for family & friends” type of person, I don’t just help them move, I’d help them move a body, but to get treated like this, but those who are supposed to love you and be there for you no matter what … it’s heartbreaking.

I can breathe again

The last few weeks have been weighing heavily on me.  My dear friend was diagnosed with Breast Cancer.  CANCER the word alone frightens me, and to have someone so young, so vibrant be afflicted was hard for me to wrap my head around.  Not only was she ill, but there was a chance she’d be going away, for the longest stretch yet.  Since she hasn’t live here permanently for a long period of time, she’s not covered by our provincial health care.  It’s not free (we pay for it in our taxes), but it’s there when we need it.  One of the drawbacks of it is that there tend to be some long wait times.  When you have cancer, the wait times are frightening.  Because of all of this, she was considering doing her treatment in Australia.  She has a good friend there, who’s also a cancer survivor and would be invaluable to her, through the process.   The wait times are much shorter there as well.  I knew she was leaning towards Australia and I knew it was going to be a 5 year commitment to her health, and even while she was going through the fight of her life, she’d be on the other side of the world.  I’d miss her, epically.

From the moment she told me all of this all I could respond with was “whatever you feel is best” or “wherever you’re going to get the best care is my vote”.  I had to make sure she made the best decision for herself.  Of course I wanted her here.  I want her close so I can hold her hand when her eyelashes are gone.  We can share a bottle of wine (or two) and talk about what we’re going to do when she “fights like a girl and kicks cancer’s ass”.  I wanted her to be here so I could help be strong for her; as she’s always been strong for me when I needed her.  She’s been so many things to me throughout the years, but above all, she’s been a friend and I want to be one for her too.

She’s chosen here for her treatment.  A wonderful friend in her life apparently pulled some strings and got her pushed up on the schedule.  She had a great meeting with her team at the hospital about time lines and plans and all the details and it made her feel good about choosing here.  I almost exploded with happiness.  Happy that she has finally chosen and has begun a plan.  Happy that she sounds eager to do this.  Happy that she’ll be here and not on the other side of the world for the next 5 years.   I feel so much relief, and I will do EVERYTHING in my power to help her through this.

I didn't even shed a tear

Sometimes I wonder if I'm broken.  If my normal meter is off.  This past weekend the Marvelous Miss M came up for a Christmas party.  I had a wonderful time hanging out with her.  Watching the little gifts interact with her.  There was tons of laughter, tons of wine and blissful happiness like there always is when she's around.

Then, after the little gifts were in bed, and my husband was off sampling beers at a friends, in the middle of my kitchen, she dropped the bomb.  It was cancer.  I knew there was something, but I was giving her the space to tell me in her own way.  Breast cancer, stage 2.  I hugged her, that was my first reaction, then tried to ask questions and let her tell the story.  The Queen of Irony proceeded to tell me who knew, and who was stepping up to help.  We talked all night, I sobered up VERY quickly at the news, and simply listened as she talked.  Quiet tears rolled down her cheeks every once in a while.

I listened, I wondered what I could do to help.  For some reason, and I'm not sure if it's denial or faith, but I'm not scared.  I KNOW she's going to pull through this.  I know she'll be at my wedding reception next year, drinking with FCW and running interference with my mother.  I know she'll spend weekends with us through the years.  She'll see the boys go to University and get married themselves.  

She's one year older than me, she's one of my favourite people in the world.  She's helped me become the person I am today, and come hell or high water, I'm going to do whatever I can to help her through this.