Whenever I feel like I'm struggling with something, I tend to go to this website for inspiration ... and some days salvation. The latest post that jumped off the page and smacked me upside the head with the proverbial clue-by-four was:
Letting Go: 5 Limiting Beliefs that block your happiness
1. Life is Fair
Sooooo appropriate right now. Last week, one of my coworkers was promoted to Senior (job I do). Was it fair, nope. She's horrible, constantly complains about people, gripes she has WAY too much to do, then stands around and gossips all the time. Sure, she's been here for 12 years, but that's the ONLY reason she was promoted, and that's wreaks of union type seniority. GROSS! Ok, so it's not fair, but it is what it is, and I've got a THOUSAND amazing things going on in my life, this one is NOT going to bring me down.
2. Suffering is bad.
Ya, divorce isn't fun, for anyone. But, in a lot of cases, the hurt and pain that goes with it needs to be experienced so you can appreciate how good the aftermath is. I'm watching some of my friends go through this too. Funny, a large part of my on line friend community is at varying stages of it, and we're suffering, surviving and getting stronger, together. So yes, I had to rip the band aid off that festering wound that was my marriage so that I could finally heal and have a healthy relationship, which I'm beyond blessed to have!
3. You are in control.
Ohhhhhhhh this one took me out at the knees yesterday. The oldest gift put the youngest in my bathtub yesterday (as he was instructed to do and has done before). Oldest gift is even MORE strict about the amount of water used in the bath (when he's not in it), so youngest gift always whines for more. When the tone of the whining changed, I went up stairs to find him with my razor in one hand saying "mommy my leg's bleeding". I just about died. Screaming for bandages, it really was a minor scratch, but in handing over control, I'd allowed the youngest gift to injure himself, and scare the life out of all of us. I tortured myself over my "mommy fail" all night, until I asked BBE to come up and hold me while I cried. In doing so, he and I talked about when we'd injured ourselves as kids. Hmmmm, neither gift has been hospitalized yet (which I'd been due to self injury by the age of 3), so technically, I'm doing well. We ended up laughing and I felt a thousand times better, knowing that some things are simply beyond my control, and just to do my best and love them lots!
4. People are obligated to love you a specific way.
I'm still figuring this one out. I'm in a fantastic, healthy and strong relationship. I honestly feel like I can fly. I don't put expectations on him, but I LOVE that he's so incredibly thoughtful and caring. I'll never tell him he's not loving me right, because he loves me, and that's right!
5.Keeping the peace actually keeps the peace.
Hello to the last 10 years of my marriage. It came to a point that we said "well apparently only one of us can be happy" ... and for a long time, we traded off time. It wasn't healthy, I wasn't happy, he wasn't happy ... and instead of fighting to find solutions we both fell silent to keep the peace. That caused the long, slow, painful death of a marriage. Now, I'm not saying I mind, because from the ashes rose a love story to span the ages. Now, if I'm not happy, or if I'm hurt, I'll talk about it. I won't say "oh it's fine" when it's not. That helps no one, only loving honesty does.
And THAT my friends, is 5 to grow on :-)
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