Truly conflicted

First off, WTF is going on with Orlando?  Murder of a young singer, night club massacre, and then a little boy killed at the happiest place on Earth.  I’ve referred to Florida as God’s waiting room before but this is a little too literal!

My heart sank on Tuesday evening as I drove home to pick up the boys, to hear the news of a 2 year old boy snatched by an alligator at one of the Disney resorts.  Just hearing that alone was heartbreaking.  Then to hear that his father attempted to wrestle the alligator to save his son, I can’t imagine the horror, the guilt and the heartbreak the family must be enduring.  No parent should ever have to bury a child, let alone is such a horrific and violent death.  It took 18 hours, but they found the lifeless body of the child.  But sooner than that, the Perfect Parents came out saying “that would never happen to my child” and “where were the parents?”  There is still a lot of raw emotions from the death of Harambe at the Cincinnati zoo, which fortunately had a better outcome for that child.  I posted about accidents and parental responsibility.  Yes, accidents happen, yes we CAN learn from our mistakes.  Leaving a baby unattended in a tub is wrong.  People now put locked fences around pools to keep their children safe.  We’ve LEARNED what can happen, and we can keep our children more safe. 

In reality and all honesty, I don’t judge these parents.  It truly was a freak accident.  Like Cincinnati, where they improved the safety around the Gorilla exhibit after the accident, I’m sure Disney and the Wildlife Conservancy will review the safety of their habitats and possibly some improvement.  I truly think the ONLY ones who could say “that would never happen to my child” are the Uber-Helicopter-Parents.  I believe in situation awareness, I believe in being responsible for your children, but I also truly believe accidents can happen.  Could something tragic happen?  Sure, but is it likely?  We all make these determinations every day in our actions, and they colour our views, actions and words.

What I have the hardest time thinking about is those tiny little white coffins that take the children to the grave.  I cry whenever I see one, I hope to NEVER have to see one in my family and circle of friends.  I can’t imagine the grief, and I just want to hug those parents from Nebraska who knew a tragedy could happen, but never thought it could happen to them.

As usual, Scary Mommy says it so well.

The Trump Effect

Disgust, frustration, horror, fear …

I’m still digesting the horrific crime of the murder of 49 people in a nightclub in Orlando Florida.  While news agencies rush to bring you the news, immediate speculation of this dark skinned man is that it’s a terrorist act; apparently professed his allegiance to ISIS while on the phone to 911.  However today news is that it’s more likely he was a self-hating closeted gay man and decided to die by gunfire and take many with him.  I’m watching the global reaction.  Horror, disgust, fear, calls for Love not Hate, vigils, bathing your Facebook profile picture in rainbows for support, but what I’m not seeing, what I fear I’ll NEVER see is gun reform in the USA.

This man legally purchased an automatic weapon.  Understand, I’m not anti-fire arms.  I respect the ideology of the right to bear arms.   I get a pistol for protecting your home (although I’d never own one).  I respect a rifle for hunting (although I would never hunt).  What I don’t understand is the reason any average citizen would need a fire arm capable of expending 13.3 bullets in one second.  That’s not defending your home, that’s not figuratively or literally bringing home the moose meat, it’s a weapon with no other purpose but to kill as many as people as possible.  Why is THAT LEGAL?!?!?!?!?!?!

So I’m sitting her struggling with what to say about the tragedy.   Struggling with the horror of people being slaughtered because of who they love, or how they identify.  I don’t want my words to be a trite contribution that does nothing more than lip service.  Over and over again these tragedies happen that kill children, mothers, fathers and there’s always sorrow, grief but in the end, nothing changes.  I was truly saddened while I considered this, then; my Facebook feed fills up with 5 shot near a playground in Brooklyn and an active shooter in Texas.   

I’m sorry ‘Murica, but you’re currently courting one of the most racists, sexist and homophobic men in the world to rule your country.  This isn’t going to end well, not for you, not for the rest of the world.  You’re one of the last super powers, do NOT put modern day Hitler in charge.

I’m scared, and I’m off to Google the Mars Project.

And therein lies the problem

There’s been a lot said this week about the death of a 17 year old Silverback Gorilla (an endangered animal) at the hands of the Cincinnati Zoo to save a 4 year old child.  That’s the headline, without all the hyperbole.   It’s a tragedy, but it’s also gripped the world.   The tag #JusticeforHarambe quickly trended.  People were outraged that the beautiful animal was the victim.  I agree and I feel horrible that this majestic creature died.  However, I fully support the zoo’s quick (and likely heartbreaking) action to end Harambe’s life to save the child.  No, for no reason should a child die at the hands of an animal, which without malice could kill the child through basic animal actions.  A tranquilizer likely would have taken longer to work, putting the boy in more danger.  It was a call, they prepare for this, and it was ultimately the right call.

I’ve watched people on both sides of the coin throw meme’s and articles up on facebook.  From memes of the gorilla saying “why shoot me, I was doing a better job of watching him than his mother” to “we should empathize with the mother”.  I’m somewhere in the middle of this.  No, Harambe wasn’t “careful” with the child and it was a much different scenario from when an unconscious 3 year old child fell into a Gorilla enclosure previously to be nurtured and cared for by a female (mother instinct) gorilla.  Harambe was panicked, and his actions were entirely unpredictable.  The boy was in mortal danger from the moment he fell into the pit until Harambe was dead. 

I’m trying not to judge the mother.  I wasn’t there; I don’t know exactly what happened.  I can’t imagine the terror she experienced when she looked around for her child, missing, then to discover he was in the moat, with that beautiful but deadly animal.  I can’t imagine the 10 minutes of sheer terror she had to survive, hoping her child survived.  My heart, as a mother, aches for her, for that agony she survived. 

And that’s where I was with the whole thing.  Saddened by the loss of Harambe, proud of the zoo for taking the difficult but right steps to save the child and empathetic to what the mother went through.  Then the following article came out:  HuffPo Article

And the following was printed and it just about set me ablaze.

“Think about the parents who have forgotten about a child in a carseat on a hot summer day. A mom who walked away from the bathtub for 3 minutes, and came back to a lifeless child. A dad who forgot to read an ingredient label and gave his child a food containing his severe allergy.  Mistakes happen.”

Wait, WHAT?  I ache for the parents who lose a child.  I’ve fortunately never experienced it and am incredibly grateful for it … but seriously, who walks away from a bathtub for 3 minutes with a child in it?  What is more important than your child?  Who DOESN’T know EXACTLY what goes into your child’s body when they have a severe food allergy?  That’s not a mistake, that’s negligent.  Yes, I can feel for the parent who loses a child, but I can also judge them negligent in their actions if it leads to their death!  Where is the personal responsibility to protect your child?  Where’s the ever-loving common sense?!?!?!?!?

It’s true; I don’t know what happened at the Cincinnati Zoo.  Maybe she was on her phone, maybe distracted by another child, maybe her crafty little guy slipped away in a crowd.  But ultimately SHE is responsible for the safety of her child, and as a result of her lack of diligence, Harambe is dead.  The Zoo also needs to look at how her child managed to get in and plug that epic safety gap.  Yes, this is a call to improve safety, and even (yep I’m going there) reconsider the benefit of keeping these beautiful and deadly animals in captivity for our entertainment, enjoyment, and viewing pleasure.   I’m torn, I love zoos and aquariums, but more and more, we’re seeing the negative impact on the animals kept in these facilities.  It’s causing me to rethink and reevaluate my feelings on it.  However, as a mother, of two little mischievous monkey boys as well, we as parents HAVE to accept responsibility for our children.  I won’t fill up your facebook wall with my thoughts on this, I have my blog and can say my peace here, but instead of simply posting the funnier meme or more heartbreaking story, why not look at what went wrong (safety around animal enclosures) and see what we can do to fix them.  Let’s not let Harambe die in vain, let something come of this, better safety for animals and humans!

Inspiration

It comes in many forms.  Lately I’ve been inspired to get healthy.  I’ve been overweight most of my adult life.  It comes from gluttony and inactivity, pretty simply put.  I sit at a desk for most of my work day.  I sit in a car for 2+ hours a day commuting to work and home.  When I get home, I have a small burst of energy where I do some laundry, empty a dishwasher, make dinner … then my ass becomes one with the couch and I’m done for the night.  Wash, rinse repeat. 

A couple of years ago, during the complete breakdown of my marriage I was going to the gym for 2-3 hours a day.  Sure, could eat whatever I wanted, drank like a fish, and worked it all off.  My inspiration was my best friend; I wanted to be around him as much as I could.  I also wanted to make him proud of me.  But, as life goes on, we ended up quitting the gym, we didn’t have time.  We need to run a house together, build a life together, and apparently get fat together.  He’s like a baby; I’m like a cat, when we are happy we both get fat. (Bare Naked Ladies)

In January this year, one of my online friends introduced me to a weight loss challenge game.  It was interesting, limited alcohol, had you eating more often and smaller portions, it was pretty good, and I lost about 8 lbs on it.  While it ended in February, BHE stepped on the scale and decided it was time he lost some weight.  Cool, now I can do it with him at home.  We fired up our fitbit watches, synced them to the myfitnesspal app and started tracking calories and steps.  In the first month, he lost 20 lbs.  WOW!  Granted, my average day is about 4,000 steps, his is about 20,000 steps.  He cut out a lot of beer and junk and the weight just seems to be melting off him.  I’m so proud, also a little envious.  I’ve been tracking my food, but perhaps a glass or two extra of wine has slowed down my loss.  After 3.5 months I’m down about 25 lbs.  Not eating junk food, eating a LOT more chicken and fish, roasted veggies, snacking on veggies, reduced my carbs … all things that aren’t a diet, but a new way of eating, which is sustainable.

I was feeling a little down on myself today, I’m not happy with my progress, then TCW comes into work (late as usual) and she’s huffing and puffing just getting up one flight of stairs.  She admits she’s at her highest weight ever, I’m guessing she’s pushing 350 lbs.  She’s not healthy, you can see it.  She talks about always being at the pub for cards or darts with her *cough*loser*cough* boyfriend.  It’s showing, the fried pub food, the extra drinks, the extra calories.  We had a meeting last week, that lunch was catered to, and she sat there eating 6-7 mini cinnamon rolls, handfuls of cookies, then for lunch, she had 3 pieces of pizza and a meatball sandwich.  I was amazed, now that I’m conscious about what I put in my body; I’m amazed to watch what other people will put in theirs.  Of course I didn’t say anything, it’s not my place.  Later in the week, she’d made a comment about my weight loss to FCW.  She tried to sound “unimpressed” but FCW said she sounded jealous. 

I’ll take inspiration wherever I can get it.  From BHE’s amazing success to the warning of how bad I could get as TCW is out of breath from one flight of stairs.  I’m not aiming for a size 2, I have a number in mind that I’d like to hit.  I’m doing this slowly, so that it’s sustainable and that I can live a long healthy life with BHE and my two gifts!

So THIS is what it feels like … cool!

Ok, I’ll admit it, for the past 6-ish years I’ve had major “head of the country” envy toward the USA.  I was fascinated when Obama ran for the first time as I’d lament that our elections are so boring because it was always, this old white guy versus this old white guy versus this old white French guy.   While the USA was voting in their first African-American President; ground breaking considering that less than a few centuries ago, he may have been a slave.  So cool, well done USA!

Ohhhhhhh how the tables have turned!  Now we have the panda bear hugging, feminist, cool hottie leading our country.  The entire world is in love with him.  He takes selfies with supporters; his wife is French and BEAUTIFUL.  He’s effectively keeping his kids out of the major spotlight (my momma bear truly loves him for that) while he’s being treated like a rock star by the Americans.  In his political, polite and Canadian way, when asked about Donald Trump, he states “Canada will work with whoever the Americans choose as their leader” … but you can almost hear him whisper after “oh good god don’t vote in that buffoon”.  

ouch

I was surfing facebook today, nothing new, I do it most days.  I love chatting with my friends, seeing pictures of everyone’s kids and pets, giggling at the funny memes; it’s generally a really positive place for me.  I landed on my sister’s page today, one of her friends passed away suddenly and unexpectedly last week and I wanted to pass along my sympathies.  On the left hand side I see a recent picture of her, with my two cousins and my paternal grandmother.

First thought …. “holy crap, Fred’s still alive”.  She’s got to be closing in on 100.  I haven’t seen this woman since my sister’s wedding in 1997.  I’ve long since written off that side of the family.  What bothered me, and I was really surprised that this did bother me was that the picture was a recreation of one we took at that grandmother’s home almost 30 years ago.  The only difference was that I wasn’t in it.  I don’t often give a lot of thought to that side of the family, so it was unnerving to be bothered by this.  I’m trying to figure out if it’s a feeling of loss, loss of that entire side of the family.  If it’s nostalgia for what could have been.  If it’s just me being cranky because it’s February, I’m cold and I miss the sun.

I’ll likely forget all about the image in a couple of days.  I know there’s no point reaching out to that side of the family.  My father has no desire to have me in his life, and I do have my cousins on FaceBook, so that’s something.  I was just talking to BHE today that my life is pretty drama free, and I know that trying to reconnect with that side of the family would just be opening up an ugly can of worms. 

I just need to keep focusing on the positive.

Special Days

There are many special days throughout the year; birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, etc.  I am lucky enough to have three very special anniversaries to celebrate with the love of my life.  Each one is a moment in time, where we marked our commitment to one another in a special and loving way.

 March 13, 2013 – our first commitment day.

This one is rather unique and special to us.  He bought me a very unique and beautiful necklace to adorn my throat.  It’s light weight and made from titanium.  It’s a perfect circle and when I wear it, it has no beginning and no end, like our love for each other.  It’s a commitment because it can only be removed with a special key.  He carries the key on his key chain and I carry a spare in my purse.  It’s only ever been removed for medical purposes (I had an MRI done).  It goes through airport security with me, travels around the world with me. 

November 7, 2014 – our wedding day.

So proud of this story, we literally ran off to Vegas and got married.  It was spontaneous, plugged into technology (we live streamed it so our friends at home and around the world could watch).  It was silly, and funny, and truly lined up with our spirit of living life and enjoying it to the fullest.

June 21, 2015 – our wedding reception.

What an epic party!  We got all dressed up and celebrated.  IT WAS EPIC.  There were beautiful speeches (Michaela) and funny speeches (Jackson) and touching speeches (Ethan) and laughing, great food, wonderful beer, good friends, family.  Then we danced the night away!  I can’t even tell you if anything went wrong (well, people left early because they thought it was over, when they were just clearing tables for dancing) but nothing felt wrong and it was amazing.

So, add these three extra special days to all the other great days during the year and I’m truly one lucky lady!