My FAVOURITE birthday gift

I'm spoiled, I think that's a commonly known truth.  LML and I are financially comfortable, if we want / need something we can afford it.  I have a shoe collection to rival Amelda Marcos, and I just got a brand new car.  I'm not difficult to buy for, I like girlie things, flowers, candles, nail polish, massages, etc.

I took the train into work today and LML brought the two gifts to my office for lunch.  He took the day off work so that he could ensure he was home to cook me dinner.  I had a VERY important meeting this morning and I needed to do the follow up this afternoon, so LML brought the boys down with him, took us to lunch, then entertained the boys while I went back to work.  He'll come back at the end of my work day and drive me home ... because I'm spoiled.  

While I'm working, they went to Legoland.  I got this picture (among others) but this is my most favourite.  The greatest gift is having a wonderful man in my life who not only loves me, but loves my kids and they love him too!

Signed,
The luckiest and happiest woman ever!

If I cannot lead by example, allow me to at least be a warning.

I’m looking forward to my wedding in 2015 with a great deal of excitement.  I’m fortunate enough to have found the love of my life, and he loves me back.  He treats me like a princess and a person.  He has a great deal of respect for me, what I do, and more importantly who I am.  He calls me SuperMom (one of my favourite compliments) and is always honest with me.  I not only trust him with my heart, I trust him with my boys and my life. 

But of course, this isn’t my first rodeo, or trip down the aisle.  I did it, almost 20 years ago, believing it would be the only time I would ever get married.  I was marrying a man I respected and loved, and that was enough, or so I thought.  I look back and it’s not all my fault, nor is it his entire fault why the marriage didn’t work.  We were simply two people so broken together, nothing could repair us.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m forever grateful we didn’t work out, so that I could find the love of my life.  I spent literally decades asking “is this all there is? Is this all that marriage is?”  I was lonely, I wanted someone who WANTED to BE with me, and my ex-husband didn’t.   He wanted me to mother his children, and be successful in my career, but he didn’t want to share a life.

I can see so clearly where we went wrong, and I WILL NOT make those mistakes again.

1.       When you make mistakes, OWN THEM.

This was a huge mistake on both our parts.  You can never recover from a lie / mistake / betrayal if you don’t completely own it.  If you aren’t honest with your partner about what happened, you can’t be truly sorry, and you cannot be truly forgiven.  I believe this is fear driven most of all.  When you have to admit to someone very close how badly you screwed up, you actually have to face it yourself.  Avoidance is easier, but in the long term, it’s poison and allows the act to fester and rot.

2.       Make your partner a priority.

Not an afterthought, not a problem, but someone important in your life.  Fall in love with someone you want to DO things with, someone you want to be physically close to as much as possible.  I’m not saying you have to be joined at the hip, and absolutely EVERY activity needs to be shared, but don’t forgo your partner at the expense of other interests.   Make sure you get some quality couple time.  It’s so easy to get lost in the business of everyday life.  With children, homes, jobs, friends, families, interest … so many things to do and organize, it’s critical that you carve out some time together to connect.  Maybe a coffee on a Sunday morning while the kids are playing or watching cartoons, a dinner out if you can swing it, or just sitting together talking while the kids play at the park.  So many opportunities to not only be together but to connect together that get lost in the shuffle, so instead of saying no, learn to say yes to these times.

3.       The small things count.

Yes, everyone loves big extravagant presents, grandiose gestures of love, and to be spoiled rotten, but often the small things, the simplest of gestures (while providing your mutual friends with great opportunity to post DI-A-BEE-TUS gifs on your facebook feed), go a LONG way in making your loved one feel as special as they deserve to be.  Buy a little gift or card, and put it somewhere they’ll see it if you can’t be there to welcome them home at the end of the day.  Do their laundry and put it away without expecting a HUGE thank you (or the proverbial parade).  Tell them that they make you happy, or just smile at them and tell them you love them out of the blue.  Yes, the big weddings and vacations and purchases are fun, but it’s the small things that bind you together.

4.       Don’t try to live to the standards of others.

I made this mistake for so long.  I did what I thought others expected me to do.  Hell, I didn’t even ask or get told what to do; I took guesses and just did that.  I shake my head now at the stupidity of it all.  I let go of the need to be judged and valued by others and learned what it took to make ME happy.  I don’t worry about “keeping up with the Jones’ “or anyone else.  I just do what makes me, my partner and my family happy. 

The bottom line is that happiness is truly a choice, granted, often not an easy one as you cannot please everyone else and yourself all the time.  When I did finally decided that my happiness was important, and recognized what it was going to take to get there I turned my life upside down.  It was one of the smartest things I’ve ever done.  I’m happier, my kids are happier, my partner is happy, my employer is happy that I’m happy, as are my family and friends.  I do not regret one day of my past, as it’s brought me to where I am now, and I’m truly happy.  It took a LOT for me to be able to say that, but I really am!

This is what’s wrong with kids these days!

Carbosly @Carbosly

Parenting is 80% making empty threats & 20% picking up miniature toys on the floor.

I was flipping through my facebook feed and came across a post from HuffPo with the “funniest parenttweets”.  Some of them were funny, really funny, but I saw this one and it pissed me off.  No lady, that’s NOT what good parenting is about, that’s what bad parenting is about. 

If your parenting like this twit … errr twitterer, then what you’re doing is teaching your children that their actions do not have consequences, and that they can be lazy, because someone else will clean up their mess.  I’m not saying I’m the perfect parent, or that I have all the answers, but while some people are trying to be funny, or get followers, they’re failing their children and our collective future.

The empty threats are really what bother me.  I don’t make threats; I simply state the consequences to their actions, with a warning (which isn’t an empty threat, just a chance for them to self correct) and then I execute the consequences.  I used to give the youngest gift a ton of warnings, and what I learned in that exercise was that I was delaying the inevitable, and no one appreciated that.  If his actions are going to send him to his room, I explain that, give him the opportunity to stop the action and if he doesn’t, it's off to his room for him.  Or, if it’s, really bad, and he’ll lose the iPad privileges (this is really his currency) and that makes for miserable time for all of us.

The empty threats just teach your children that their actions don’t have true consequences and they can’t trust what you say.  I want my children to believe what I say when I tell them what I’m going to do, or that I love them, or that I’ll always be there for them.  I want them to trust me.

Seriously, I stopped picking up their toys when they turned 3.  They know where the toy chest is, they can return their own toys.  I’ve got my own crap to clean up!

He asked me to write a blog about

I've used this phrase a number of times in the past couple of days.  It's a numeric sequence basically saying "all the time".  The basis of our conversation were about our happiness.  That I want him to be happy 24/7/365.  It's not that I'm altruistic, it's that I'm entirely selfish.  My happiness is tied to his, all of my emotions are tied to his.  When he's upset or anxious, I'm unnerved.  When he's bothered by something, I don't feel right.  When he's happy, I feel like I've got the world by the tail.  Perhaps it's because we're so in tune with one another, we're almost empathic.  

But I doubt that it's really that interesting.

Its a matter of I like to see him happy.  He's an amazing person and when he's happy he glows, and that light shines on me.  Yes, perhaps it's corny, perhaps it's simply how I choose to visualize my manifestation of happy, but it's really true, when he gets excited about something, be it GenCon or Beer, or whatever else has him wound up I get swept up in the excitement and thrill at discovering something new.  And it's WONDERFUL.

So, my goal in life, is to make sure he's happy 24/7/365 and I'll do that by loving him, working hard at us and at life, making sure he feels loved, cherished and trusted.  By making sure he trusts me with any thought, feeling or idea, that I'll never judge, but rather thrill in the adventure with him.  He's my best friend, he's the love of my life, and I want him to be as happy as I am.

Because HAPPY

An open letter to Target Canada

Dear Target,

You need to hear this, but right now you pretty much suck.  I get it; you had a rough opening in Canada.  You say you’ve failed your Canadian guests, supply chain issues, empty shelves, but do you REALLY know what it’s going to take to fix this?  Honestly, it’s more than just putting product on the shelf, and if you think that’s your only problem, you’re doomed, and that makes me, as a Canadian consumer very sad.   Let’s look at what’s happened and what you can do to fix it.

Complaint – prices are higher than the US stores.  Of course they are, but you know what, so are they in Walmart Canada vs Walmart USA too, same as Home Depot, Lowe’s, the GAP, and just about ANY retailer with operations on both sides of the border.  When Walmart entered the Canadian market 20 years ago, there likely was the ardent cross boarder shopping, but there wasn’t the ability to “status update” “tweet” or “blog” about the price differences.  Stop trying to chase a pricing ideal that once consumers realize it’s the same with ALL retailers, they’ll stop barking.  How do you do this?  Give them a GREAT assortment (yes, you’ve failed in this) and a REASON to shop at Target.

Complaint – the assortment isn’t as good as the Target stores in the USA.  It’s true; I remember when I walked into my first Target Canada store.  There were shiny new carts with cup holders so I could enjoy my Triple Venti Skinny Vanilla Latte prepared to be WOWed by the product like I was in the USA.  My enthusiasm quickly dwindled when I saw racks upon racks of Cherokee merchandise.  Wait … this is just Zellers with some lipstick on it.   There weren’t the fabulous boutique like clothes and accessories like I’d find south of the boarder.  The housewares section looked a TON like the one at Walmart and even then, many shelves were bare.  You have a unique Canadian buying team, but really, did you just higher all the ex-Zellers buyers … because that’s what it really felt like.

Go out, take a chance on some more exciting home fashions at great prices.  Create a unique and stylish brand and SHOWCASE it for crying out loud.  Do pop-up stores, put your ad agency to work getting on local shows, have the young trendy folks WEAR IT.  Educate the Canadian Consumer on what your house brand is.  Walmart has George, Loblaws has Joe … I can’t even name yours. 

Complaint – the store shelves are empty.  Easy fix … BUY MORE to sell us!  I cannot for the life of me understand why you’ve had over a YEAR of inventory struggles.  If your supply chain is locking down the buyers ability to cut PO’s to fill the shelf STOP THAT!  I’ve dropped $3 million at a 4 day trade show, earning that employer healthy 71% average margins and value to the consumer.  It’s not rocket science, it’s CATEGORY MANAGEMENT.   Seriously, this is the EASIEST one to fix of all. 

You’re sorry, I get it, I’ve seen the YouTube video, but WHAT are you doing to fix the problem?  I keep hearing you’re working on it, but I don’t see the results.  I had the opportunity to pop into your Ajax store last week.  Staff weren’t excited to see me, I had to bother them to ask a question.  The store was a MESS, but I happened across a pair of Yoga pants that I FELL IN LOVE WITH.  WOW, I didn’t know Target had GREAT stuff like that.  Then, on my way out I spotted a purse that I HAD to HAVE.  Seriously Target, you’ve GOT so much right, don’t blow it with all you have going wrong.

Here are my quick tips on how to fix it FAST.

1.       Go to Staples Canada and hire their store staff.  They have THE BEST customer service of ANY retailer in Canada.  They live it, breathe it and reward it.  Get your staff on board with this.

2.       Let your buyers BUY!  Give them license to get creative with in store displays.   Make it bright, colourful and exciting to shop in. 

3.       Stay true to the “our pricing is in line with the Canadian market” mantra.  Make it WORTH it to shop at Target and people will.

4.       Tell people exactly WHAT you’re doing to fix the problems.  Stop with the empty sorrys and get to work FAST.

I’ve shopped at a few Targets to great disappointment.  You’re opening up in my home town on August 1^st.  I’ll be there that day; I’m really hoping to see changes.  I’ve waited a LONG time for Target to come to Canada and I don’t want to have to wait until my annual trip to the USA to shop at Target … but if you stay on the path you’re on right now, that’s how it’s going to be.

Sincerely,

A really busy working mother who wants Target to succeed!

Feeling the need for speed.

WOW, what a weekend.  I think I have a mild adrenalin hangover!   A coworker and I had the opportunity to hit a Grand Prix race as VIP guests.  WOW.  We spent the weekend, schmoozing with race car drivers, eating gourmet food, watching some really fast cars.  The ultimate was hanging out in the pit DURING the race.  Watching a Grand Prix Ferrari come to a stop in front of you, change its wheels, change its driver and get fueled up will make your hair stand on end when you’re only 8-10 feet away from the powerful machine.

I think I may have found the eldest gift’s calling, as he’s skinny enough to fit in with the race car driver set.  I’d never given it much thought before, but not only the weight component slowing the cars down, but being an absolute tooth pick so you can get IN and OUT of the race car is imperative.  I (not so gracefully) wedged myself into it and crawled back out. 

A picture is worth a thousand words, so I’ll leave it to those, and 2 videos!

VROOM VROOM!

Heroes

It’s a crazy world isn’t it?  We’re currently hanging out on this big beautiful marble in a world and time that moves at a ridiculously fast pace.  News headlines scream about Sports "Heros" fighting dogs, crashing cars or raping women.  TV and rock stars (and the Mayor of Toronto) are making asses out of themselves in and out of rehab.  Where do we look for our leaders, our role models, our heroes?  Well if you’re me, you look at the extraordinary group of Working Mothers you’re lucky enough to be a part of.  This cyber group came together over the past 10 years.  Meeting on a babycentric site, when it changed formats, we migrated to a private group on facebook.  These women are simply AWESOME.  American and Canadian moms with kids ranging in age from 1 to 20’s, we’ve stuck together, supported each other, been there for each other, laughed together, cried together … all on our fabulous little technology devices.  I’ve even had the luck of meeting 2 (there are 45 of us in the group) of these amazing women.  We’re from all walks of life, all levels of income, backgrounds, religion, careers, married, divorced, single, etc.  The one thing we have in common is that we’re all mothers.

One of these women, for me, truly stands out.  I’ve “known” Haley for about 7-8 years know.  She has fantastic names for her kids (all trademarked, so don’t go stealing them) and Agent Weaselburg is my favourite name.  She was courageous enough to follow her dream and start her own business, helping care for people https://www.facebook.com/pages/CarePatrol-of-The-Triangle/248254672007013 .  That, in itself, would make her heroic in my mind, but she’s far more than that.  She has two beautiful daughters, and writes a blog called http://leadershipgirl.com/  Wow, she’s writing to help empower women to become everything they can be.   Her posts are always thoughtful, brilliantly written and inspiring.  I’m a fan (can you tell).

Ok, if THAT wasn’t enough to make her a hero in my mind, then there’s Fifi.  She recently adopted 3 orange kittens (brothers).  Seriously, cuteness beyond belief!!!  Shortly after bringing them home, she noticed one was ill, that’s Fifi.  He had a blockage in his throat that prevented him from eating.  I honestly believe most people would have sadly let the kitten be put down, and enjoyed having the other two brothers … well not Haley.  She (and her family) went about caring for this little kitten with tube feedings until his surgery could be scheduled.  She not only rescued this little darling, but created a facebook page so everyone could watch and cheer on Fifi!  https://www.facebook.com/groups/808705185806267/?fref=ts

I think that if more people could see and admire heroes like Haley, the world would simply be a better place!  Thanks Haley, you’re my hero!