BEST DAY EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He'd been trying to get a day off to go to Spence Diamond down by my work to pick up the ring, he'd narrowed it down to two.  So he took yesterday off, and I went "cool, I've got a day in lieu to burn, I'll take it off with you".  He let me sleep until noon, then we were planning to go to the mall (he needed new runners) and Walmart (I wanted new underwear) ... then we get into the car and he hands me a blindfold.  I looked at him and said "seriously?"  I couldn't figure out why he wanted me to be blindfolded to go to Walmart.  After I put the blindfold on he went back into the house to get something, put it in the back seat, and we were off.

I was trying to figure out where we were going, felt like Walmart with all the stops and turns.  Then, when I thought we were turning into the Walmart parking lot, the car sped up ... FAST.  WTF?!?!?!?  Then I realized he'd turned on to the 400 south (the last turn before the Walmart enterance).  Ok, so maybe we're going to Magnotta, that'd be nice .... oohhhhhh maybe we're going to Niagara.  I settle in for the drive (still blindfolded) and enjoy.

After a while, I can feel the car slowing down.  I mention that and Shawn says "yes, traffic, must be an accident".  After a complete stop, the car turned left.  I swore it was Rutherford Road.  I do that drive two and from work every day and it just felt right.   Ohhhhh  maybe we're going to Wonderland ... damn, I wore a dress.  Passed Wonderland ... ohhhhh maybe we're going shopping at Vaughan Mills!  Nope, passed that too.  Hmmm, maybe I'm wrong, maybe it's not Rutherford.  Then, about 5 minutes later we turn right and hit two stop signs in a road.  WTF?  "Why are we going to my work?"  Just then, he pulls over and stops.  We're at the park, around the corner from my work.  I see him reach into the back seat and pull out what I thought was his lunch bag.  Ohhhhh a picnic ... No he says.  Hmmmmmmm.  I'd given him a photo album with pictures from the last two years for Father's Day and the pictures he took of me at that park two years ago were in there.  He said he wanted updated pictures.   Ohhhh, how sweet.

So, I climbed up on the playground and ... well ... watch the video.

He used his ring that I bought him a year ago, because he hadn't gotten to the jewelers yet.  We went to Spence, picked out my beautiful ring and then went for lunch.  It was amazing.  The waitress at lunch wanted to know what we were celebrating, because I was glowing, I showed her my ring.  Honestly I'm still on cloud nine.

Move over Letterman ... I can do a top ten list too!

Ok, so I’ve been feeling pretty down about myself lately.  Two years ago I was hitting the gym for 2-3 hours a day, EVERY DAY and I was in GREAT shape.  I wasn’t skinny, I wouldn’t even say lean, but I was really happy about how I looked.  Then, again, life got in the way.  Custody schedules, travel, work … a thousand excuses but I’m back to my original shape … round.  Realistically, what really bothers me is how out of shape I am.  I’d love to take a bike ride with the boys, or go play soccer at the park, but I’m afraid I’d need an Ambulance on standby for anything more than a flight of stairs.

So, LML tasked me to write a list of 10 things I like about myself.  This is much like the #100HappyDays it’s an exercise to focus on the positive … really, did I just say exercise?  Oy.  He’s also pointed out that it can’t be compliments to him or the boys aka “I love how happy you make me LML” or “I love how awesome the boys are” (although I made them so it’s kinda me ;-) but here goes.

1.    I love my hands.  I love how long and thin my fingers are.  I love the way I take care of them with manicures, colour, moisturizer, etc.  They’re very pretty and I love that I can wear HUGE funky rings and they look awesome on me.

2.     I love my not only willingness but excitement to wear an EXTREME variety of footwear.  Everything from flip flops and ballet flats to 7” spiked stilettos in bubble gum pink!  I am this generation’s Amelda!

3.      I like that I’m always jumping to Yes instead of No when I’m asked for something.  I really like helping friends out and doing things for them.

4.      I’ve got stupid sexy calves (even with the scar down one shin) that look AMAZING in those ridiculously high heels.

5.     I have a great smile and I use it liberally

6.     I’m reliable.  While that sounds kind of boring, it means people can count on me.  If I say I’m going to do something, I do it.  I can commit to events, tasks and being there for friends.

7.     I don’t sweat the small stuff and I don’t over think things.  I had an incident with the eldest gift this past weekend.  I stood my ground, and then compromised.  I wasn’t sure if I’d compromised or caved, but after telling LML what happen he agreed I’d done the right thing in that situation and I wasn’t just being a spineless marshmallow.

8.     I laugh, A LOT!  With enthusiasm and a joyous lust for life.

9.     I like to make people happy.  Whether it’s to compliment a coworker on a great outfit, or give someone a neat promo pen I have, I like to make people smile.

10.  I’m not only the friend that will help you move, I’ll help you move a body.  For my good friends I’ll do everything in my power to help them out.

Wow, that was a lot harder than it looked.    I’m having a bit of a Sally Fields moment … they like me, they really like me ... but more importantly I like me.    Best part is while I was writing this out, I realized most of my closest friends (Shawn, Michael, Michaela, the Working Moms) have many of these same traits too.  Apparently I do attract what I try to put out.

The grey rut with the explosive neon moments

I’ve come to not only learn, but accept that this is what life is.  I was driving to work this morning after dropping the little gifts off at daycare, filling the tank with gas, then joining the rest of the rats on the daily race down to work.  It was a brilliant and sunny morning, but it’s just such a mundane and repetitive task … monotonyyyyyyyyyyyyy.  Then I thought about what a great weekend LML and I just had.  We try to take advantage of every opportunity to be together and enjoy ourselves.  I had to do a short work trip to Minneapolis, so he took a day off, we had a coupon for a free short haul flight and he came with me.  It was fun to adventure the Mall of America with him.  Not to mention I got to meet one of my working mom friends (my evil twin) that I’ve known for 8.5 years.  I have bright, vivid neon memories of hanging at that cool mall with them.

When we landed on Saturday, we took off downtown to meet another old friend of mine.  Richard and LML love to talk craft beer, and they’ve even begun trading them.  What was supposed to be an hour drink at BarVolo, turned into a 4 hour visit there prior to heading out on transit for some EPIC BBQ in Greek Town.  I love it when stars align and LML’s friend Derek who happened to be downtown joined us.  Again a brilliant flash of GREAT TIMES OF LIFE. 

My learning from this weekend is that yes, a lot of life is the mundane boring stuff we have to do (commute, grocery shop, laundry, etc.) but if you take every opportunity possible for those neon firework moments, you’ll smile a lot more often during that traffic jam!

sometimes it just sneaks up on me ...

Sometimes it sneaks up on me ... the enormity of it.  How incredibly sweet and all encompassing it is ... 

I love you, more than I could ever possibly put into words.

I love you, more than I could ever adequately express

I love you, more than I could ever say.

But I hope ... oh how desperately I hope.

You feel, just how much I love you.

You are my Alpha, my Omega.  I am me because if you.

I love you!

Things that can’t be unseen

I woke up this morning to yet more breaking news of scandalous crack smoking video of “Mayor” Rob Ford.  Along with that, yet another audio tape drunken stupor of him at a bar.  This difference this time, from ALL the other times is that he’s finally admitted he has a problem and is going to rehab.  WOW.  Ok, I don’t like the man, I think he’s a giant @$$, but his children love him (I’m guessing) and I do hope he manages to get the monkey off his back.  I personally know how hard it is to kick an addition (cigarettes, not crack) so I do wish him well as a human being.  I hope he sobers up, gets clean and goes on to live a QUIET and productive live (if the gods are listening, please let it be out of the spotlight and away from politics). 

As I’m scrolling through my facebook feed at work, I see there’s a link to the transcripts of his drunken stupor tape from Monday night.  Ohhhh, I heard parts of it on the radio this morning, but it was tough to make out through his slurring, and the bleeped out what he said about a competitor in the Mayoral race, so I clicked on the link.  When you do this on the beloved book of face, it drops down more feeds that are associated, and you might find interesting.  It presented me with this.

WHAT.THE.EVER.LOVING.PHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.  But … but … but … where’s the brain bleach?  Good lord, I don’t judge people for what they do in their private lives, but for the love of all things holy, if you’re going to be a public figure, get control of your image.

I’ll never be quite the same after seeing that again.  For the record, I did click through and the post was removed … but that image will live burned in my brain EVERY time I see Rob Ford now.

LML – hold me!

Orange ya glad I finally blogged again?

This weekend LML (Love of My Life) and I went out to see a musical.  He’d never been to one before and I hadn’t been in ages, so we got tickets to a Toronto production of The Sound of Music.  I (as usual) found a deal on the seats, so we were second row near the center!  Yay!  I’ll admit, I was going to have a hard time liking the Maria character because I couldn’t imagine it as ANYONE but Julie Andrews, but the lead did a great job and by the end she had me convinced it was Maria.  Prior to us heading out, I walked by LML and said “ohhh you smell good”.  He’s not a fussy man, and while he’s always clean, he saves the cologne for special occasions, which I LOVE.  The power of scent, I’ve never smelled that Lacoste cologne on anyone else, so to me, it’s HIM!   

Today I was sitting at my desk eating lunch, and I pulled out a small Clementine orange.  I really like the taste of the little ones, and all of a sudden, I closed my eyes and flashed back to my days at Pilot (see “Rant from a Cube”) and I really had a strong feeling of Mama D.  I can’t for the life of me tell you what her name really was, all I ever knew her as was Mama D.  She was a kind, older lady who had a very strong sensitivity to citrus.  She’d actually have to leave the lunch room if someone was peeling an orange.  I actually stopped wearing one of my favourite Body Shop scents – Satsuma, for worry that it would bother Mama D.  I rarely think about Pilot, and haven’t thought about Mama D in 5 years, but enjoying this orange today brought it all back so clearly.  I miss Mama D, and I miss that scent.  I doubt I’ll ever see Mama D again, but I’ll put some shopping time on the schedule upcoming and hit Body Shop for Satsuma!

Depth and definition of friendship

We had an awesome weekend hanging out with some dear friends.  One of the girls from E-guys school has been friends with him since junior kindergarten.  It's a good friendship all around.  Both of the little gifts adore the girl and like playing with her.  She's an only child so it's good for her to have brothers.  The mother and I, while complete polar opposites get along really well.  She enjoys my energy, I enjoy her calmness.  The father is a bit of a nut, but gets along with BBE as they both have a passion for craft beer.  They live about a 10 minute walk from us, and our schedules seem to align nicely with theirs so we get together for dinner and drinks and the kids play and torment the cats.  It's almost Norman Rockwell in it's appearance ... seriously, I feel some times it's just this side of bridge club.

There's just this thing ... something core to my life, my life with BBE, that remains somewhat hidden.  I feel a bit like someone who is gay, and still in the closet.  I've never felt that someone needs to know ALL my details, come on, a bit of mystery is always best, but sometimes I feel like I can't be my authentic me around most people.  It's nothing I hide from BBE, but something we share.  Some of our friends are aware, but most are not.  It's nothing bad ... I'm not drowning kittens in the river, but still, it's something I'm very private about and wonder what this particular set of friends would think if they knew.  I really like this friend, and while I wish she wouldn't judge, but see me as the friend she's enjoyed over the past 4 years, I have a feeling if I revealed my true self, what I always refer to as my "authentic self", it would not go well.  

I'm sitting in the middle of the teeter totter wondering what is better, to hide away that little bit that may be judged, or simply live out loud and be damned the consequences!  Can she truly be my friend when I hold something that is key to who I am back?