What happens to you is a direct reflection of your actions.

I get that, more today than ever; whether it is the problems in your life or the happiness.  I’ve been pretty alienated at work.  I’m okay with that.  I don’t get caught up in a lot of the high school histrionics that happens when 5 middle-aged women work together.  We’re all at various stages in our life.  Engaged, divorced, single, married, with kids, without, really the only thing we have in common is the name on our pay cheques.  Honestly, I doubt I’d be friends with any of them if I’d met them outside of work. 

I hear them come in and chat about “OMG you’ll never believe what happened … “ and it’s always a series of bad on-line dates, kids getting in trouble, getting blasted at work by one of the Sales guys, tremendous bills, etc.  There’s a lot of negativity in their lives, but I believe it’s just the world reflecting the negativity back that they put out.

Example #1  

TCW – She’s my BEC, I don’t know why, I think she should not get away with the majority of the shit she does get away with … I’ve never seen someone with so much rope!  She was going to keep her then husband until her girls were off to University, and then give him walking papers, because that’s what made her life easiest.  Well she busted him having an affair.  Their marriage then fell apart and she and her daughters went off the rails hard.  I get it, divorce is hard, and change is hard.  She started sleeping with whoever she could find on line, the stories truly were horrific.  Not surprisingly her daughters became rather promiscuous, drugs, dropping out of school, theft, stolen cars; it seemed a new low every day.  One of the problems was, TCW would be screwing up ROYALLY at work and there were no repercussions, so when her daughters were failing, she’d come in and rescue them.  None of them have hit bottom, because there’s always someone to catch them.   Even today, TCW is dating this “nice guy” but has her “army boy” that she’s expecting an engagement ring from.  She’s been seeing this army guy since her husband, but she doesn’t realize she’s just his local port.  But good grief, don’t try to TELL her any of this, she knows best!

Example #2 

FCW – she’s a physically beautiful woman.  She’s 50 but looks late 30’s and pretty much a blonde bombshell.  However either her standards are so ridiculously high, or she’s just so bitter about life, no one will ever want to be around.   I introduced her to a friend of mine a couple of years ago and they developed a close friendship.  I find out all sorts of stuff through this mutual friend.  She hates me because in the past 5 years I’ve divorced my “seemingly perfect” husband and gone on to win awards at work, be promoted, have straight A kids who are never in trouble, find the love of my life, get remarried and have a “charmed” life.  They use words like “lucky” but they don’t see all the work I put in behind the scenes.  I found the love of my life by marrying my best friend.  She would have taken one look at him and written him off because he’s short.  I looked to what was on the inside and saw the most amazing man in the world.

It’s more than just the obvious, it’s the attitude.  This morning on my way to work, I was stopped at a red light and all of a sudden I felt “BUMP”.  It’s the same feeling as when you stall a manual car, the same feeling when you’re hit from behind.  I truly believe that I’m Wonder Woman as my CR-V is invisible as this is the third time in 2 years that I’ve been rear ended.   We pulled off to the side and the lady behind me was obviously very upset.  She kept saying “I’m so sorry”.  Honestly, she likely just took her foot off the brake.  I couldn’t see any damage, the other two events were much more impactful.  I rubbed her arm and told her it was okay, we’ll just let it go and to take it easy on herself today.  She was stunned.  She was ready for wrath, for anger, for blame, but instead she got kindness and forgiveness.   No one was hurt, there weren’t any kids involved, and she took responsibility.  Maybe she’ll pay a bit more attention in the future and prevent a bigger accident.    

I jumped in my car, continued on to work and still beat my coworkers in.  I hear them whining and complaining about life to each other.  I’ve put on my wireless headset and decided to smile.  I’m lucky … no, I’m happy.  It’s a choice and I get positivity back from the Universe because of it.

It’s a choice, choose wisely.

The difference between quitting and tapping out.

I’ve been watching the TV show “Naked & Afraid” with LML lately.   A Rather interesting concept, two people (one man and one woman) are dropped off in a survival situation with only one item each (usually a machete and a fire starter) no clothes and have to survive for 21 days.  We’ve been watching it because the gifts have been at their father’s, I don’t think it’s appropriate for them, even though they blur out the survivors' bits.  We’re on Season 3 and what struck me is that they never talk about quitting, but always refer to it as “tapping out”.  I didn’t really notice it at first, but then, NO ONE ever quit, no one ever “gave up”, the ones who couldn’t make it “tapped out”.

Without going to look up dictionary definitions and on the surface this may seem like the same thing, I see a rather distinct difference in it.  To quit means you’re giving up.  It’s a first-person action.  You don’t have the strength, skill, courage, stamina or whatever to keep going so you stop.  This is entirely a reflection of the person.   On the other hand, when you “tap out” that means the forces applied to you were too great to overcome.  I believe it’s from a boxing/wrestling origin in which the loser of the match is counted out with tapping on the mat.  Therefore, if one is to “tap out” it’s a reflection of the overwhelming force against them, not necessarily of their inability to overcome it.  It puts the onus on the force, not the person.

Honestly, I’m not sure if it’s better to accept defeat and quit, to take responsibility or to shift the fault to the forces against you and tap out.  I lean toward taking responsibility and admit it’s quitting, but if it helps people feel better about themselves, then tap out!  Then again, even as I write this it feels like “giving everyone a participation ribbon” and not taking ownership of our own actions, limitations and faults.  

Just because I make it look easy …

Ok, look out, rant ahead.  At work today, after a meeting with two coworkers (both women, neither has children) I was chit chatting about some of the recent goings-on around the office.  TCW had been having her eldest daughter working in our warehouse on an off for the past year since she dropped out of high school.   Today TCW is not in; apparently, she’d call the boss and said this same daughter had been throwing up for 3 days and was in the hospital with her.  My XH texted me randomly this morning to say he’d spotted TCW and the daughter in his Principles Office (XH is a teacher at the school she dropped out from).  Ok, there ya go, TCW was trying to get her daughter back into school because apparently, we fired her from her really lax warehouse job earlier this week.  Yes, the three-year long train wreck of a life for TCW (and family) continues.

When I was chatting with my other two coworkers, the subject of my XH and my kids came up.  Apparently, TCW likes to point out that I’m “lucky” to have such a good co-parenting relationship with XH and my kids are only good because they’re little, and were so young when we split.

DAFUQ?!?!?!?!??!

First off, luck has NOTHING to do with it.  My relationship with my XH could have gone to hell during the divorce, but it took a lot of hard work (on both parts) to constantly put the kids above all else.  We didn’t bother with each other’s personal lives, outside of inquiries as to the health of each other’s families.  We only really discussed the kids and acted in their best interests.  This created a healthy co-parenting relationship.  I won’t say we’re friends, we never really were friends, but we both do what we can to help the other out and keep the kids happy, healthy and safe.

Secondly, my kids were traumatized by the divorce too, but that doesn’t give ANYONE carte blanche to rebel and derail HARD.  TCW’s oldest dropped out of high school in her last year.  She started hanging around with kids who did some serious drugs, even her boyfriend robbed TCW’s house blind.  She told TCW that the school pushed her out, but (having an EX at THAT school) I found out she’d withdrawn (dropped out).  So she’s been working here for the past year on and off, but was always on her phone, wandering away from her job and basically being paid to sleep in her mother’s office.  Whenever she’d go off the rails hard (drugs, theft, etc) I’d ask TCW what were the repercussions of her actions?  Take her phone!  She said “then I wouldn’t be able to get a hold of her” … so, she just kept yelling at her.  Ya, obviously that works … NOT.  The daughter has had mom hand her everything, and now that she’s 18 she has absolutely no coping skills or mechanisms other than drugs.  Lovely.  She swears she doesn’t need counselling, she doesn’t implement any real rules at home, so why would the daughter straighten up?

She’s gotten the other coworkers thinking I’m just born under a lucky star, and they have NO CLUE how hard it is.  You make rules, you enforce them, and you provide repercussions for breaking the rules.  You stay consistent with that.  You have your kids learn from a young age that life isn’t handed to you on a silver platter.  You earn your keep.  You’re a contributing and important member of the family.

That’s not luck, that’s hard work.

Love songs on the radio

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yW7w8F2TVA

This song, every time I hear it, I think of LML.  Like, makes me melty, swoony and almost a little teary.  I’m still amazed by how much I love this man, I still get hung up on love songs on the radio.  I still get butterflies when I see him.  So this is what it’s like to be in love with your best friend!  Cool!

Why is saying “I’m sorry” so difficult for some people?

I’m Canadian; the jokes about how we are always so quick to apologise are prevalent.   When you bump into a Canadian, they apologise to you … that’s how we roll.    However, I know from past experience this isn’t always true.  Manners are a big thing for me.  I say please and thank you if I think I’ve offended or hurt someone I’m the first to apologise.  I’ve taught the boys that it’s okay to make mistakes, be wrong, but make sure you’re sorry for it and express it.  My ex-husband is TERRIBLE for this.  He’d NEVER apologise and it made me feel like crap.  I once called him out on it and he actually said: “really, we’ve been together long enough we don’t have to do that” … what … be kind … respectful?  Ergo one of the many reasons he’s the ex-husband.  BestHusbandEver always apologises; if we’re arguing (which is rare), he’ll stop, think about things and apologise if appropriate.  To this day it still catches me off guard, and I love it.

I had a situation this week where an apology would have gone a LONG way, but it didn’t happen.  I was hosting Girls Night In for 3 friends.  We try to get together once every couple of months.  Last month it was an impromptu night with one of the girls, so I hosted.  We had a great time, so we decided to repeat it for this month.  Schedules are tricky, I try to make it when BHE is on nights and the gifts are at their dads' so we can enjoy ourselves uninterrupted.  We set everything up via email and Facebook messenger.  It was all a go.  It’s a lot of work, I work 8.5 hours a day, have 2 hours of commuting, on the way home I stopped at the store and picked up $60 worth of meats, cheese, dips, fruit, veg, etc to nibble on.  I get home, empty the dishwasher, tidy the front room, look after the pets in need, tidy the living room, set up the food plates and am ready for the girls to show up at 6:30. 

*cue ticking clock*

I get a text message from M.  She’s a part-time WFH mother.  She loved this date because her husband was off for the week (March Break) so she could be on time.  She kindly kept me up to date on her progress “just leaving in 15” … “be there soon” … “just picking up wine” … and she arrived at 7:30. 

About 8:00 we get a FB message from C “OMG I totally gapped, I’m stuck at work, we’re really busy”.  That was all.  No apology, just that.  C and her husband own a pub and act like they have children as they have two dogs.  She BARELY works, and we picked this night specifically because it was good for her.  I was annoyed.

I’d texted K at 7:30 asking if she was still coming … and didn’t hear back until 8:30.  “I’m just leaving work from a meeting that went way overdue L” K works part time for a brewery, no kids … seriously?  BHE even made her a fresh loaf of Rye Bread because she loves it.

How hard is it to put a reminder in your calendar?  How hard is it to say “I’m sorry, I’m late or I can’t make it” … or just “I’m sorry”.   I wonder if it’s because the plans were made in cyber-space so people think they don’t matter.  When did common courtesy become so uncommon?  What their actions told me was “you don’t matter, your feelings don’t matter” and that hurts. 

Needless to say, I’m going to take a bit of a break from K & C.  I’m not going to be mean or rude; I’m just going to take my foot off the gas in an effort to reach out.   I love organising big or small social events … I just hate it when your guests suck. 

A love for the ages

If you’re not a fan of my “OMG I love my husband so much” posts … you may want to skip this one. 

This past weekend LML and I went to his work Christmas party.  I’ve never experienced something on this scale.  There were about 3,000 people at the convention center.  We booked a wonderful hotel room at a spectacular rate.  It was a king suite on a corner so there were windows everywhere.  We did what we always do when we first check into a hotel …. Turn on HGTV and have a drink.  Cable is fun when someone else is paying for it.  Then we got all gussied up and headed out to catch the shuttle.  The party was really well done.  No need to drink and drive or pay for cabs, the company looked after everything. 

We walked into the main hall after checking our coats and it was beautiful; lighted seats and tall lit tables to enjoy cocktails and chat.  We got some drink tickets, grabbed a beverage and started to mingle.  We first met LML’s new sub-leader, a lovely man and his lovely wife.  I waited for LML to introduce me (which is weird for me because I usually introduce myself), but I know LML likes introducing me as “his wife” (and that makes me a bit melty!).  I went on to tell his sub-leader that he speaks rather highly of him and that made him smile.  We chatted a bit about the gifts and moved on.  Nice people, and I like to make people smile.

Later on, while at dinner two of LML’s coworkers found us and wanted to say hi.  I’d heard lots of stories on these two characters so I was rather intrigued to meet them as well.  I smiled, made small chit chat as one had been out east around the same time we were and the other has a second job installing floors and I’d love for him to do ours.  Just a few brief words and they were off.  LML and I had a lovely meal, a lot of beverages and enjoyed the entertainment.  Instead of staying late to dance the night away, we caught a shuttle back to our love hotel and enjoyed ourselves.  It was a really good night and I liked putting faces to the names from the stories I heard.

Well, yesterday was the first day back to work and you know there was going to be talk of the party.  I asked LML if there were any stories (3,000+ people and holiday party, there’s bound to be something), but LML didn’t hear any of it.  Just talk of people who enjoyed themselves and thought the company had done an excellent job this year.  One of his coworkers that I met told LML he was really impressed by me and asked him “how did you manage to get her?”  LML, in his overly modest way says “just lucky I guess”.

Let me clarify exactly how he got me:

• He treats me like the center of the Universe.
• He spoils me with incredibly thoughtful gifts constantly.
• He puts secret love letters in my luggage to delight me when I travel.
• He loves me and my boys as if we’ve all been together forever.
• He’s my best friend with the same weird sense of humour I have.
• He’s hot … seriously smoking HOT.
• He takes care of us, cooks for us, and helps out as a full partner and parent.
• He kisses me with a passion and fullness that makes me weak in the knees.
• He is a kind soul and generous with his time and attention to people who matter.
• He’s loyal, trustworthy, loving, generous, strong, affectionate and smart.

Honestly, I’m the lucky one and I thank those lucky stars every day that I found him and he loves me like no one else ever could.  Thank you LML, you are my Sun and my Stars, you are my forever!

The Trump Effect

Today has been exhausting.  I purposely stayed off the internet last night during the US 2016 Federal election because I didn’t think I could handle seeing how close the race was.  You know, because they were saying Hillary had a 90% chance of winning.  Nobody was going to elect this misogynist, homophobic, sexist, racist hate and fear monger right?  Right?  I’ll just wake up in the morning to hear that the USA has elected its first woman President.

And then it’s the end of the world as we know it.  WTeverlovingF ‘Merica?  Please tell me I’m still dreaming, that I’m now ridiculously late for work because I’m having this horrible nightmare where the Tangerine Terror, the Orange Tyrant just became president of the world’s last super power.  But, he wants to move ‘Merica back to the 50’s, when the African Americans dealt with segregation (and didn’t take the white males jobs) and women were kept in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant (and didn’t take the white males jobs) and the Mexicans were still in Mexico (and didn’t take white males jobs).  He’s going to stop Muslims from entering America, and even deport some (so they can’t have the white male jobs) … well shit, guess who voted for him.  The white vote brought Trump in.  Looking at the exit polls, white men (and women) under 40 and lower educated voted in this monster.  It’s so clear now.  Hillary is the epitome of the political establishment.  She’s wealthy, white, and powerful and likely corrupt.  That’s what you kind of expect of politicians and a whole bunch of Americans said ENOUGH!

I get that you want change, you want big sweeping impactful change … but you just brought in this centuries evil war monger to make change.  You put a big spike down the middle of your country of hate and fear and terror … and somehow you’re supposed to just pick yourself up and carry on like nothing is wrong.

I’m sorry United States of America, I’m sorry it had to get this bad, that you truly had to hit rock bottom.  I hope you can heal, I hope you don’t end up destroying yourselves and I’ll just be here with a cold beer, warm poutine and a refugee center for my newly persecuted American friends.