The divorce is the easy part

So it’s been a year, since the paperwork on the separation was done.  August 1, 2012 is when we agreed to legally separate.  We’ve been separated (emotionally) for YEARS prior to that.  We both stayed for a long time, out of fear, out of loyalty, out of laziness.  There’s one reason that people get married, wanting a life together (for love, for family, for company or companionship) but there are a thousand of reasons to get divorced. 

I learned that the actual divorce is the easy party.   I did the separation paperwork.  We were mired in debt, and the thought of spending thousands more on an attorney was just beyond me.  So, I did some online research and discovered I can do what was referred too as a “kitchen table separation agreement”.   It wasn’t too bad in the beginning; it helped me get a handle on the assets (few) and debts (many).  I had help from friends regarding pensions and values of property.  It got ugly when I had to inventory everything in the house and assign a value to it.  The arguments ensued.  No one wanted to feel taken advantage of.  It was taking 20 years of a life together, assigning value when there was no value left in the relationship.  The separation was the hard part.  You have to itemize and valuate things, when you’re feeling raw, angry, frustrated, hurt, and sad and then you begin to feel hopeful, excited, and eager to move forward.  It’s a hard thing to do, but it needs to be done as it helps heal the wounds and propels you forward to a new and much better life.

Now, a year later, I’m back to doing my research again.  I don’t want to pay a lawyer $2K to file paperwork I can take a day and do myself.  I called a few lawyers and they want me to start at step one again.  They want financial statements, working out assets, etc, I’ve DONE that.  Those wounds have healed and I don’t feel like opening them up again.  I think he and I did a pretty good job at being equitable and fair.  No one feels ripped off, and that’s a good place.  We’re almost friends now.  We can ask favours of each other, and if it’s possible we each do it.  We’ve both moved on, knowing we will always be co-parents to those amazing boys, and it’s a good place to be.  I want to move forward.  I’ve built myself a great life with the love of my life who is also my best friend.  I have a relationship built on mutual trust, respect, honesty and love.  We’re partners in EVERYTHING.  We’re on the same team when it comes to life, work, kids, friends, family, EVERYTHING.  He’s someone I can talk to, be open and honest with, about me, my thoughts, feelings, desires, needs.  He not only listens to me, but does his best to fulfill everything.  I’m not coming through a divorce negative about love or marriage, but finally hopeful and believing in it!

I spent so many years afraid to move, now, I feel I can fly.  I finished the divorce paperwork in about 2 hours.  I’ve spoken to the ex about it.  About serving papers, costs, etc.  He’s always been willing to let me take the lead on executing things, and he’s agreeable with this.  I just need to double check my work, grab supporting documents, and hit the courts.  I’m ready too, I’m ready to be completely unfetter to move forward to the life I want!