Thursday, January 10, 2019

He knows me

Yesterday BHE decided to take an impromptu vacation day.  After coming down and seeing my cranky butt for lunch, he went to his work, booked off the day and went home.  The gifts were excited to see him as he was on nights this week, and they miss him when they don’t get to see him.  I’ll admit, I was really looking forward to going home as I knew he was going to be there.  This week is my “single mom” week where BHE works nights and I only get to see him for lunch (one day, sometimes twice) and on weekend.  His job has always been like this.  I’m used to it, while I’d rather he works straight days, it’s a good job and he is amazing at it.
  


Last night, I get home and I’m still in full single mom mode.  Figuring out how to feed the gifts, get the oldest to and from his rehearsal on the other end of town, realizing I don’t have to drag the youngest gift out because BHE is there.  I’m dropping things in hallways and on counters, looking around, checking the time, in my usual “just got home from work fluster” and BHE is standing in the kitchen, looking at me with his arms open.  He wants to give me a hug.  All of a sudden I melt into his arms and time slows down.  I take a deep breath and hug him.  Enjoying his warm, loving the connection, relaxing.  He knows me, better than I know myself.  He gets me to slow down, calm down and relax when I need it.

 

I always say he’s my rock.  I truly am the luckiest woman ever. 

Wednesday, December 5, 2018

Some days’ shine, but this one has been epic!


Ok, we all know that for the most part, I’m a generally happy person who enjoys herself.  The Love of My Life (LML) works really hard to make sure we have epic adventures and fun times.  Just over the past few weeks, we’ve got to a few musicals, an amazing concert, wonderful Christmas parties, etc.  My feed is often filled with shiny happy me and LML and often the gifts as well.
While the light in my life often shines brightly today has been absolutely amazing and feel like this needs to be documented for posterity, or at least a reminder when I hit one of those crappy days.

·        My drive to work was quick and uneventful.  When you have an hour commute through the snow belt in winter you enjoy the peaceful drives.
·        LML has found a new series of books for me to listen to on the phone during my drive and they’re just awesome!  I almost want to be stuck in traffic so I can listen a little more.
·        Two of my favourite Instagram woodworkers came into the office today to see one of my coworkers (woodcare manager) and I busted in on their meeting so I could get these amazing guys on board with some of my products I thought they’d find helpful.  They’re absolutely delightful and I laughed … A LOT during this hour.
·        LML came out and took me out to lunch to my FAVOURITE pizza place AND we both have leftovers.
·        One of our newest hires turns out to be one of the BEST cosplayers around!  She’s actually used some of my products in her costume making and HOLY CRAP she’s absolutely amazing.  I can’t WAIT to show the gifts her account.
·        Another of my favourite DIY Diva’s came in for a visit.  She just lights up the place and makes me smile.
That’s not even it.  I have a relatively easy day, I should leave on time and I’ll listen to more of that book on my way home, then get to have dinner with two of the prettiest ladies in my life.


I’ve been mired in work, stress, tired, fighting sickness, dealing with the impending death of one of my best friends so it seems pretty dark lately.  Today got a whole lot brighter and it’s fed, my soul!



Tuesday, September 18, 2018

Preconceived notions and growing beyond your comfort zone

LML and I went on an adventure last week.  He likes to find new and cool things and completely throw himself into them.  His passions are EPIC and it is so much fun to get swept up in the excitement of a new discovery.  About 2 years ago he discovered high-end custom hunting knives.  He’s not a knife maker nor a hunter, but he learned all about these beautiful works of art and after months of research purchased his first one.  No, understand these aren’t cheap by any stretch of the imagination.  They’re made in the USA and built by hand.  Each one slightly unique and designed to perfection.  It’s getting harder and harder to find handcrafted, lifetime warranty perfection, but he found it in these knives.



One of the other things about this group is what a community it is.  The particular knife maker LML was purchasing from has three “Grind-Ins” per year.  This is an opportunity for the knife enthusiast to come to the facility in northern Michigan to make their very own knives.  They have been holding these events for 14 years and they’re highly in demand.  We have actually been on the waiting list to attend for 18 months.  They tend to book up quickly!

If you know me, hunting, guns, knives, camo … these really aren’t “my thing”.  I’m much more comfortable in a dress, eating a gourmet meal and going to the symphony, so this was certainly out of my comfort zone.  LML was really excited about this, so I didn’t really give it much thought other than booking hotels and plotting routes for driving.  As we pulled into the facility on the first day, we’re behind a really big pickup truck and I groan.  The truck had stickers on it that said “Hillary for Prison” and NRA.  Oh crap.  I didn’t give much thought to the demographics of the attendees.  I’m very liberal, can’t stand the NRA on principle (to be clear, my issue is not with guns, but with the organization).  I think the current President of the USA is an overgrown toddler doing WAAAAAYYYYYY more damage than good.  I think I just landed in Trump-land and I’m likely going to lose a large part of my tongue from biting it.

The first night we’re there it’s a mixer.  We don’t know anyone.  They’re drinking lite American beer and many are smoking.  Yep, not my crowd.  I’m getting anxious, realizing I’m totally out of my element and worried that this was a big mistake.  However, LML kept me calm, and we had an okay time that first time, although I was rather relieved to get back to the hotel and to my glass of wine.



Ok, Techy, time to put on your big girl panties and make this an awesome adventure.  The second day we arrived early, and sat and waited for the safety talk.  The doughnut I had there was the size of my head and definitely kept me full until lunch.  We had our safety talk and were set loose.  LML and I got split up because we wanted to do different things.  I’m very much a “figure out what’s going on and do it as efficiently as possible” type of person, so I’d ask people what my next step was as I walked my knife through this process.  At this event, you could do as much or as little as you were comfortable with, and I basically spent the day documenting my machete’s creation.  I relaxed and started to chat with the people queuing up with me.  A lovely young man from New Jersey, a nice lady from DC.  We talked about knives and where we were from and I really started to enjoy myself.  Out of the 86 people who attended I was the 13th (my lucky number) to finish.  WOW, I wasn’t expecting that at all.  The first 45 knives done got a gift card to one of their distributors.  I sassily walked back to LML who was still way behind me and showed off my gift card, then handed it to him.


We had lunch with another awesome Financial Banker from Grand Rapids MI and I was really enjoying myself.  I jumped back in to start my second knife so I was way ahead of schedule.  As I waited for LML to finish his knife, I sat down at a table with a lovely man in his 70’s and he told me stories of the history of the local area and his childhood.  I was absolutely enthralled, it was like speaking to my grandfather again (ok, without the Scottish accent and there’s NO WAY Grandpa would have been a hunter) but I truly enjoyed it.  When the gentleman found out I was Canadian he very quickly went on to clarify that he thought the President was bad and hoped we didn’t all think Americans were like Trump or supported him.  I was shocked, and very pleasantly surprised.  I assured him that I had a number of American friends who had already clarified that for me.

Then, just when I think we’ve got this thing licked, I made the HORRENDOUS mistake of having dinner with two other Canadian attendees.  They were loudmouthed and brash, saying they’d put a bullet in our Prime Minister’s head given the chance.  Ok, I had walked into this event worried about the brash American rednecks and the only jerk’s I’d discovered were from my homeland.  UGH.



I tried my best to avoid those men for the rest of the adventure and spend time talking to some of the other fascinating attendees.  A pair of very “alternative” chicks, tattoos and piercings, who were sleeping in a Teepee and riding bikes around.  Admiring the knives being created and generally enjoying myself.  LML was right, as soon as I relax and start talking to people I have a really good time.  Except for those two jerks from Hamilton, I hope I never see or hear them again!

Thursday, September 6, 2018

Tapping out on Cancer

Just a month ago, I lost my dear friend Nicole to bile duct cancer.  For two years, one of my closest friends has been in palliative care for breast cancer.  She tried treatment with zero effect so she chose to live her life to the fullest for the time she had left.  Then, I find out that one of my closest friends has multiple brain tumours and has been given 6-9 months.  

FUCK, stop already.  

Last week, LML’s step-grandmother passed away.  She was old, with failing health and a long life filled with lots of family who love her and will miss her.  That’s the type of death you’re supposed to deal with.  Not the 45-year-old brilliant scientist mother of two boys or a 46-year-old woman who finally learned what it was like to live her authentic self, just to die slowly.  Not the late 50’s man who is finally able to retire, enjoy his children and grandchild and vacation in his villa in Tuscany only to be given less than a year to do so.

FUCK YOU CANCER.

It’s horrible to be angry with a disease.  There’s no face to scream at, no cause to point to and say “well if this hadn’t have happened, these families wouldn’t be so torn apart and devastated”.  I don’t believe in God in the Catholic sense, so there’s no use hating a higher power that “did this” to my loved one.  I feel useless, helpless, angry, devastated, sad and full of sorrow.

Enjoy yourself, it’s later than you think.

That’s my mantra now.  I took bereavement leave over LML’s step-grandmother.  I didn’t really morn her, hell I didn’t really know here, but I took the time, to hang with LML, extend our vacation and I don’t feel guilty about that in the slightest.  I’m booking vacations and great dinners so that we can enjoy life to the fullest because you truly never know when your last vacation or epic dinner will be your last.

  • Tell people you love them
  • Be kind to people
  • Smile
  • Hug your children
  • Be grateful for what you have and humble about it.
  • Live every day to the fullest.


Wednesday, August 22, 2018

Things I learned about myself and my kids when I took them to work for 2 days.



Ok, so I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it before, but I’m in Marketing.  I work for a global organization in the Canadian office bringing new technologies to the market.  We have a large meeting room that has all of our products in it on display.  We call it our Gallery.  It’s got one of the largest boardroom tables in the world in the middle of it and product all the way around.  We’ve grown over the past decade by innovation and acquisition.  As a result, we often have to “update the Gallery” and it’s often a daunting task.

This year, I decided to put my slaves … errr I mean sons to work.  They’re 13 and 10 and since they’re too young (legally) to work in Canada, the company agreed to pay them in gift cards.  For two full days work, they’d get a $100 gift card (each) to a local retailer.  They were STOKED.  Of course, Monday morning when I had to wake the 13-year-old up for the first time before 11 am all summer (woke him up at 6:40) they were less than enthusiastic.  But here are my learnings.

·        Fear of disappointing or embarrassing Mother is a wonderful motivator to maintain excellent behaviour.
·        My 13-year-old doesn’t say a lot but my 10-year-old NEVER STOPS TALKING.
·        Physical work for two boys who have done very little all summer causes them to sleep in the car all the way home and put themselves to bed early.
·        I finally found a restaurant near my work they both LOVE.  I will be stopping there often to get takeout on the way home.
·        I am physically exhausted from managing them and work for two days.
·        I don’t get to talk to LML nearly as much throughout the day when they’re with me.
·        They’re apparently freaked out by heavy rain
·        They both made me very proud with a very hard work ethic and earned every cent they made.


The youngest said he’d miss my office and he can’t wait until he’s old enough to come work here too … I’m just hoping I’ll have retired by then or I may need to put a cot in my office for naps!

Friday, August 17, 2018

Not ready yet to say goodbye

Cancer sucks.



I don’t know a single person whose life hasn’t been touched by cancer.  I lost my beloved grandmother at the age of 11 to stomach cancer.   Two years ago one of my best friends was diagnosed with Breast Cancer.  Unfortunately for her (and all of us who love her) the treatments didn’t work and she’s been end stage for about a year.  It’s a long time to die.

A year ago, one of my closes “mom friends” was diagnosed with bile-duct cancer.  She’s a beautiful, brilliant, happy woman.  My age, her boys close in age to my boys.  A super nerd (just like me) and a loving wife.  We had a lot in common and I considered her among my closest friends.  When she was diagnosed I sent positive vibes out into the universe for her to kick cancers ass!  I followed her journey on a cancer website, as she updated the successes and failures of her journey. 

Then, about 2 weeks ago, her husband updates her blog that the latest treatment didn’t work and she was coming to the end of her journey.  I was stunned, saddened, horrified, angry, grief-stricken.  But she’s so young!  But how will her boys and her husband go on without that incredibly bright light in their family?  We didn’t know if she had days or weeks, but he told us it wouldn’t be long after that.  Three days after finding out, she passed away peacefully in her husband’s arms.  I could almost feel a star go out, the world just became a bit dimmer without her brilliance in it.

The village that I knew her from, was a group of working mothers from all over Canada and the USA.  It had shrunk over time, but there’s still a closeness and a bond with this group.  We looked to each other for support to get through this.  I had suggested that we do a memory book of our best memories of her and send it to her husband and children.  Let them know how much she meant to so many people, how far her reach went.  I offered to collect the information and put it all together.  It’s been amazingly bittersweet.  In the beginning, every new story, every new picture, every old video sent me into another wave of tears and grief, but as I process through it, it’s making me smile.  Reminding me of how incredibly lucky I was to know and love this woman (and by extension her family as well).  Her husband was kind enough to come to our private group and offer his FaceBook profile to friend requests so we could continue watching her boys grow.  He’s a wonderful man and I can see why she loved him so much.


Remember, life is short and precious.  Enjoy every moment because it’s later than you think.   Tell the people you love how much they mean to you.  Remember the joys, forget the insults.  It’s not a dress rehearsal, this is the big show and go knock it out of the park!


Thursday, August 2, 2018

Eat, Pray, Love

I’m finally getting around to this book.  I have a rather long commute (2 hours + per day) so I’ve taken to audiobooks in the car to pass the time.  I find it works better than just the news and music.  I recently finished a fabulously trashy fantasy erotica series (well at least the first 12 books) about Warrior Immortals that are paired with Demons and the human and immortal women they fall in love with.  I thoroughly enjoyed the series and my only concern is rolling up to a red light with the windows down and startling the person next to me if they’re in the middle of yet another graphic sex scene. *snert*


However, I’m now on to something a bit different.  LML downloaded Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.  I know that there was a movie about it with Julia Roberts and it took place in India, that was all I knew about this book as it started.  I really liked that it was actually read by the Author, it feels very genuine.  That being said there’s quite a bit I like about this book and there are some things that I really don’t like about this book.




What I don’t like about it.
The Author seems to have a rather negative view of prescription medication for mental illness.  I appreciate that she wants to use it ONLY as a last resort and that her goal is to “get off it” as soon as possible, but as someone who’s been well medicated for over 2 decades and knows that “getting of it” is not a possibility ever I find that narrow mindset insulting.  What if she was diabetic?  Would she view it as a failure if she required insulin?  Would she constantly be beating herself up for not getting over diabetes and getting off the insulin?  Is she frustrated with her body because she needs birth control to prevent getting pregnant?  Some people simply do have a chemical imbalance and the medication balances them out.  She doesn’t think medication should be used without psychiatry, I can’t imagine what my life would look like if I’d been seeing a psychiatrist for the past two decades.  What a colossal waste of time it would have been for me and the doctor.  I’m good, I’m healthy, I just require medication to keep my body functioning and that doesn’t make me less of a person than her.

What I do like about it.
I love hearing about religions that I know little to nothing about.  I grew up in a very Catholic environment and while my family wasn’t religious AT ALL, my friends were and I’d attended Roman Catholic services and Mormon services and none of that ever rang true for me.  I married into an Anglican family (first time around) and while I had a lot of respect for the Pastor, it never connected with me.  However, listing to the Author talk about “connecting with God” and how “God dwells within all of us” it connects me to things I’d heard before “how we are made in His image” that it’s okay to be truly who we are as we are exactly as we are meant to be and that denying that would be an insult to God.  She uses the term God not in deference to the Catholic religion, just that is the word she is most comfortable with.  I cringed in the beginning as it’s not a word I’m comfortable with but she does reference other deities in trying to be inclusive in her descriptions so I appreciate that.



The bottom line is I don’t think I’ve ever blogged about a book before so the fact that it’s giving me such a strong positive and negative reaction is a good thing, means it’s making me think and feel.  That and I want to do Yoga and Meditate more.

Early in the pandemic, I read, “We’re all in the same storm, but riding it out on different boats”, and I’ve carried that along with me.  I’...