Early in the pandemic, I read, “We’re all in the same storm, but riding it out on different boats”, and I’ve carried that along with me.  I’m seeing my feed fill up with people upset that they’re sending kids back to in-school learning that will lead to the third wave and it’s going to undo all the work we’ve done. 

I get it and they are right. 

I’ve also seen people relieved because distance learning is hard.  It’s hard for kids to sit at a screen and try to focus, it’s hard on the kids who thrive on classmate interaction and socialization.  It’s hard on the mental health of the students, teachers, and parents. 

I get it, they’re right.

Both boys have been in distance learning since March 2020.  I’m high risk and have been working from home since then.  While Ethan has been successful, he’s feeling left behind and cannot take the courses he wants remotely.  He ended up with two courses last semester that was never one of his choices.  He asked to go back this month, and I agreed.  Jackson, however, hasn’t been as successful with remote learning.  I’m not going to lay it all on his shoulders or all on his teachers, but the first half of this school year would have been more productive with Jack playing cards to practice math and going for walks to learn about geography.  We all decided it would be best for him to return to in-school learning this month.  The saving grace is that he’s been assigned to one of the BEST teachers in his school for the remainder of the year.  I see a dramatic turnabout coming.

I’m anxious, I know they’ll be anxious.  We have to improve our Covid protocols at the front door.  They really haven’t left the house with the exception of going to their fathers since the summer.  I didn’t even bother buying them winter gear … and darn it I’m scrambling to find boots and snow-pants now.  There’s so much unknown and while I’d rather have them both home until there is mass vaccination, it’s not realistic for either of them, and I have to accept that.

 

Pandemic Fine
(noun)

It’s living through a global pandemic while maintaining your job and your health while still feeling tired, worried, and just done with everything.

 

It’s okay, I’m “fine”.

 

The unexpected blog post

I came here today with a post about the pandemic, about being a parent and employee, and the challenges therein.  Then I saw it’s been over a year since I last posted.  The ironic part is today is the one year anniversary of Michael’s funeral.  That box has opened for me and I can grieve him now.  I can be grateful he’s no longer in pain, but I can also miss him. 

One of the gifts he gave me during our friendship with the love of the band “Elbow”.  He introduced me to this wonderful English band.  He actually bought me tickets for Christmas one year as they were in concert in Toronto.  BHE has even bought tickets when they returned a few years back.  The songs are wonderful stories that are beautifully written and fantastically sung.  There is little else that makes me feel closer to him than when I listen to Elbow.  It took about 6 months after the last blog post where I could listen to my favourite tracks without immediately falling apart.  Just knowing what’s happened is helped me heal.  I will always miss him, but the pain is healing because I know.

On the other hand, I still never received confirmation of Michaela.  One of my coworkers was a friend of hers as well (I introduced them).  My coworker lives very near where Michaela did with one of her sisters.  Michaela had two sisters who work as teachers in that area.  About a year ago my coworker noticed that one of Michaela’s sisters would be teaching at her youngest daughter’s school.  After a lot of thought and discussion, she emailed Michaela’s sister to explain that her daughter knew Michaela and would likely recognize the last name and to inquire as to what happened.  It would seem that it is the family trait as she never responded to my coworkers' email.  I wasn’t surprised but I was saddened and Michaela remains in this little box.

One of the bright spots is that during the past year Nicole’s widower found a new love and got married.  Now a lovely woman and a doting father are raising her boys.  I know she’s looking down fondly at all of them.  I can genuinely smile when I see her name pop up on my Facebook memories and I know I was truly blessed to have known and loved such a dear friend.